“Yeah, but when all the hubbub dies down it’s going to drop like a stone,” said Gran, the self-professed Kenspeckle expert. “Those sisters can’t hold a candle to Shana, and neither can Shantel or Sandy. And don’t even get me started on Steel and Camille, or that moron Starr.” She shook her head. “No, they’ve gone and killed the goose that laid the golden eggs.”
“So they are going to cancel the show,” said Mom with a sigh.
“No big loss there,” said Chase. “I doubt a lot of people are going to shed a tear about the end of the Kenspeckles.”
“I will,” said Gran. “Now I’ll have to go back to watching Jeopardy. I can only imagine how boring that’s going to be after my weekly fix of real-life drama and wholesome family entertainment.”
“I’m sure there are other shows,” said Mom soothingly.
“Yeah, but none of them are as much fun as the Kenspeckles.”
“There’s Mama June and Honey Boo Boo,” said Dad with a grin.
“Oh, please,” said Gran. “I have my standards, Tex.”
This elicited a snort from Chase. Gran cut her eyes to him.
“So when are you going to start dating Odelia, Chase?” she asked.
“Mother!” Mom cried.
“What? I’m just looking out for my only grandchild.”
“I could do dinner,” said Chase, nodding. “I could definitely do dinner.”
“Oh, curb your enthusiasm,” said Gran. “You two have a thing or two to learn from the Kenspeckles. When Shana and Damien met they hit the sack the minute they laid eyes on each other. Same thing with Shayonne and Dion. Or Shalonda. The woman’s had more anaconda than any self-respecting ho.”
“Mom! We have guests!”
Chase just sat grinning, and when he briefly locked eyes with Odelia, she thought she detected a mischievous glint. As if he wouldn’t mind going all anaconda on her. The prospect made her knees go weak, while other parts of her anatomy tightened up considerably.
“So you’ve decided to stop pursuing Chase, Mom?” asked Chief Alec.
Gran waved a hand. “I’m all about family, honey. Odelia needs a man a lot more than I do, so I’ve decided to sacrifice my own needs for hers.”
“That’s very generous of you, Gran,” said Odelia.
“Ugh. It’s the least I can do. Before I die I’d like to dandle my great-grandchildren on my knee. Have a four generation picture in the Gazette. Is that too much to ask?”
“I think Odelia and Chase are old enough to decide for themselves, Vesta,” said Dad. “Without anyone else interfering.”
“And I think they need all the interfering they can get. It’s obvious it’s going to take them forever to bust a move, and I’m not getting any younger.”
“I’ll keep it in mind, Mrs. Poole,” said Chase. He tipped back his root beer. Judging from the grin he gave Odelia he was enjoying the conversation.
“So have you found a place of your own yet, Chase?” asked Mom.
“Actually, I haven’t.”
“Still looking, huh?”
“Yep.”
“You can always move in with Odelia,” said Gran.
“Mom,” said Mom warningly.
“Just throwing out a few suggestions. Take ‘em or leave ‘em.”
Uncle Alec clapped Chase on the shoulder. “You can stay with me as long as you want, buddy. Heck, I enjoy the company.”
“Thanks, Chief. But Marge is right. Sooner or later I’m going to have to find a place of my own.”
“Well, if it’s up to me it’s later rather than sooner.”
“Once the Kenspeckles return to LA, Merl Berkenstein’s place will be up for rent,” said Dad with a humorous glint in his eye.
Chase laughed, twin dimples creasing his cheeks. “Yeah, that’ll happen.”
“You could always get your own reality show,” said Gran. “Just make sure there’s lots and lots of sex. It’s the sex that makes these shows so popular. That and the catfighting, of course. You got to have catfighting.”
“Speaking of the Kenspeckles, here’s to a successful solving of this case,” said Chief Alec, raising his glass.
They all drank to the successful conclusion of the murder investigation, and Chase said, “To Odelia, whose clever pussy managed to solve the case.”
He gave her a meaningful glance. Her pussy obviously intrigued him.
“So what happens now?” asked Mom.
“Now we process the evidence,” said Uncle Alec. “The cleaver and the robe. Check them for DNA of the victim and, hopefully, the killer. And while we wait for the results, we interrogate Dread. Try to get a confession out of him.”
“That’ll be easier said than done,” Chase grunted. “The guy insists he’s innocent and that someone planted that cleaver and that robe in his room.”
“Once we get his DNA on the robe he’ll sing like a canary,” said Alec.
Odelia wasn’t so sure. “What if he’s right and he didn’t do it?”
“Then we’re back to square one,” said Chase. “Why? You think he’s innocent?”
She chewed her lip. “Why would he keep the murder weapon in his closet for us to find? That just seems like a dumb move.”
“But we didn’t find it. At least not when we searched his room the first time. He probably hid it somewhere else, then when his room was cleared he moved it, waiting for us to leave so he could dispose of it permanently.”
“Yeah, that’s what I think happened, too,” said Uncle Alec with a nod.
“He always was a dumbass,” said Gran. “I’m glad he got caught.”
“We’re all glad he got caught,” said Mom. “Who’s ready for dessert?”
And while Mom brought out the key lime pie, Odelia figured Chase was probably right. Dion had simply put the cleaver in his closet so he could get rid of it as soon as possible. And if Max and Dooley hadn’t ended up tripping over it, he would have gotten away with murder. Which reminded her that Max and Dooley deserved a treat for the role they’d played. And Harriet and Brutus, too. She was glad the foursome were finally on the road to friendship. Especially Max and Brutus. She had a feeling they were going to be besties.
And then it was time for key lime pie. And more Kenspeckle gossip.
Chapter 15
The killer was caught so we could finally relax. That night, while the Pooles were sleeping peacefully, Dooley, Harriet and I snuck out. After all that hard work, it was time to have some fun. Odelia had given us some extra-special treats, and we were ready to sing our hearts out. You may think it’s weird that cats would join a choir, but to be honest it’s just an excuse to shoot the breeze. Hampton Cove Park is pretty quiet at night, which makes it perfect to do a little hunting, a little tittle-tattling and a little partying.
“Do you think Brutus will be nicer after Odelia’s speech?” asked Dooley.
“I think Brutus will be super-nice,” said Harriet. “We’re all friends now.”
She was in a great mood. The four of us being friends had been her dream all along, and now it was finally happening. I wasn’t so confident that Brutus was my friend now. Especially after what he told me: you’re going down. That didn’t sound like something a friend would say. At least I didn’t think so.
“It’s so great we caught the killer,” said Harriet, prancing gaily.
“It’s so great we caught the killer,” Dooley corrected her. “Max and I caught Dion, remember?”
“Yes, but Brutus helped, and since I’m his muse, I helped too.”
It was the kind of convoluted logic I had a hard time understanding. Taken to its conclusion, you could argue that the whole world had helped catch the killer, while in fact Dooley and I had done all the hard work. Of course you could argue that if Brutus hadn’t locked us up in the spa, we’d never have been forced to climb that pipe and end up in Dion Dread’s closet. Honestly, with that kind of reasoning you could prove pretty much anything.