“News flash, cats,” said the Dieber, having recovered slightly. He was now lying on his back, staring up at the limo ceiling, which, to my surprise, featured a large picture of Dieber’s face. Huh. “I’m going to adopt you,” he continued. “Add you to my squad. I think you three lovely ladies will fit right in. You,” he added, sticking a finger in my belly, “are a big fatty, and big fatties are usually not my style, but on you it looks kinda cute. And I dig it, girl!”
“Yeah, I dig you, too, buddy,” I said. “But here’s another news flash: I already belong to someone.”
“We all do,” said Brutus.
“Guys, I don’t think he speaks cat,” said Dooley.
“And he seems to think we’re female,” I said.
“Hey, driver!” the Dieber called out. “Plot a course for Dieber Castle, my faithful retainer!”
The driver glanced back, and when he saw the three of us did a double take. The car swerved across the road for a moment before he took control again. “Um, boss?”
“Speak now or forever hold your peace!” Charlie cried and giggled again.
“Those cats?”
“Real beauties, aren’t they? I love it when I can save a few strays.”
“They’re males, boss.”
“Good one, driver. You are a very funny individual.”
“For real, boss. I know cats, and those cats are definitely male. Just look at the faces.”
Charlie did his utmost to focus on my visage, blinking a few times in the process. He clearly had a hard time clearing the mist his suspicious vape had caused. “I like her face,” he said. “Good, strong features. Nice coloring, too. Orange.”
“Blorange,” I said.
“Not her face, his face,” the driver insisted. “Male cats have broader features than females, whose faces are more narrow. And look at the size of that cat. The sucker’s huge!”
“I know, right? And normally I don’t go for the chubby ones but there’s something about this one that holds a certain appeal to me. No idea why that would be the case.”
“And look at the black one. If that’s not a male I’m eating my hat, boss!”
“You mean the ugly one? I’m only taking him in cause I’m feeling charitable.” He stared at Brutus for a moment, then frowned. “You know? You might be right. I don’t get a feminine vibe from that one. If I didn’t know any better I’d swear he’s ready to pounce.”
“Oh, I’m ready to pounce, buster,” said Brutus. “Calling me ugly? I’m not ugly!”
“Yuck,” suddenly said Charlie, rearing back. Then he screamed, “Stop the car!”
The car lurched to a stop and we tumbled from our perch. Before I knew what was happening, I found myself whizzing through the air. The next moment I landed—on my paws, I might add—in a ditch. In spite of my perfectly executed landing, momentum carried me on, and finally I came to a full stop with my head in a patch of nettles. There was a soft thump, and something bumped into my rear. When I managed to extract my head from the nettles, I saw that it was Dooley. Another bump, and Brutus crash-landed on top of the both of us.
I groaned as I listened to Charlie’s limo driving away with screeching tires, Charlie hollering over the noise, “No dudes, dudes! Only babes for Charlie!” Then he was gone.
“He kicked us out,” Brutus said, disentangling his limbs from ours with some effort. “The little dweeb actually kidnapped us and then kicked us out of his car.”
“I don’t think he likes male cats,” Dooley intimated as he checked if he was still in possession of all of his body parts.
“No, he does not,” I said. “Which is probably a good thing. Imagine having to live with two dozen cats and that maniac.”
“At least we’d be rid of Diego,” said Dooley. “Though I still prefer to live with the Pooles.”
“Yeah, me, too,” said Brutus. “Life with Charlie Dieber is way too stressful for me.”
We made our way out of the ditch—which fortunately for us was devoid of sludge or water—and climbed up to the road. We looked left and right, making sure the Dieber limo wasn’t about to run us over, and continued our long trek home.
“You know?” asked Dooley as we traversed a field. “Why didn’t we ask Odelia for a ride?”
Brutus and I shared a dumbfounded look. Dooley was right. Why hadn’t we thought of that? It would have saved us a long hike. Then again, this breath of fresh air was doing me a world of good. And as we walked on, laughing about our recent Dieber adventure, I suddenly started feeling happy for no particular reason. Maybe because in spite of Diego’s machinations the three of us still had each other’s backs. Cat choir might have thumbed its nose at us, but it had strengthened our bond. Now if only we could get rid of Diego…
Chapter 17
On their way home, Chase passed Brown’s Apothecary, the 24-hour pharmacy, and she said, “Just drop me off here, Chase. I just thought of something.”
“Another hunch, huh?”
“Something like that.”
“If you need aspirin, I’ve got some at home.”
“No, it’s nothing. I just need to pick something up for my cats.”
“All right,” he said. “You sure love those furballs of yours, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do,” she admitted. He pulled up to the curb and she got out.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asked, leaning over.
“Um, pretty sure I’m not.”
“You’ve got a smudge on your nose, Poole. C’mere.”
She stuck her head back in, wondering where she could have smudged her nose, and when she was close enough he gave her nose a kiss. “There. That should take care of it.”
“I, um, I think I have another one… here,” she said, pointing at her upper lip.
He quickly pulled her into the cab and she laughed as he ravished her until they both had to come up for air. “Well, hasn’t this been fun?” he asked with a grin as she crawled from his lap and out of the car. “We should do this again sometime.”
“See you around, Chase.”
“Pick you up in the morning?”
“Sure thing. Though you’re going to need a cannon to wake me up.”
He drove off and she headed into the pharmacy. Max and Dooley had been looking so dispirited lately she thought they could use some extra vitamins. Max probably thought it was the beef he seemed to have with Diego, but she was pretty sure he simply needed some choice supplements. Or maybe she should change his diet? Max was a very picky eater.
She got the vitamins and walked out of the pharmacy, and she’d just set foot for home when a white stretch limo drew up next to her and Charlie Dieber opened the door.
He was only dressed in navy star-spangled boxers and looked much the worse for wear. Not the squeaky-clean pop star she’d become a fan of. “Hey, babe!” he called out from inside the limo. The pervasive sweet smell of marijuana assaulted her nostrils and she coughed. “Wanna party with the Dieber?”
“No, thank you,” she said with a disapproving frown. “And shouldn’t you be home?”
“Home’s for suckers,” he announced. “Besides, they keep trying to kill me, so home’s kinda dangerous right now. But I’ve got everything we need right here, babe. Just step into the Dieber Machine and the Dieber will give you a night you will never forget.”
She bent down so her eyes were level with the pop star’s. “I’m Odelia Poole, Charlie.”
He grinned lasciviously. “Nice to meet you, Odelia Poole. Lovely name for a sexy dame.”
“I’m working with the police to find the man who tried to shoot you this morning.”
“I’m liking you better and better. Why don’t you get in so you can tell me all about it?”
“She’s a cop, boss,” the driver called out. “You may want to rethink this.”
Charlie gulped. “A cop? She doesn’t look like a cop. Are cops usually this hot?”
“She’s a civilian consultant,” said the driver, who seemed to be well-informed.