“Oh, for Pete’s sakes.” He addressed the small crowd. “How did you all get here? Who told you to come and see me?”
“Scarlett O’Hara,” said the man with the pin in his nose.
“No, Scarlett Cannon,” said an old lady with a glass eye. “She said you would treat us for free. Day or night. Any time.”
Tex locked eyes with Scarlett, who was shaking her head. “I didn’t say nothing, Dr. Tex! I swear! I don’t even know these people!”
He had a sneaking suspicion he knew exactly who this ‘Scarlett Cannon’ was.
“What did the person who invited you look like?” he asked.
“A nice old lady,” said one man. “Little white curls. Looks like Estelle Getty. I met her at the bus station. I like to hang out at the bus station. It’s always nice and warm out there.”
“I met her at the train station,” said another man. “She even gave me your card.”
“Lemme see that,” grumbled Tex, and took the card from the man. It read, ‘Scarlett Canyon, Unlicensed Receptionist, Dr. Tex Poole,’ and even mentioned Tex’s home address and phone number. “Vesta,” he muttered under his breath, crumpling up the card.
“Hey, that’s my card!” said the guy.
“You’re going to treat us, aren’t you, Doc?” asked a cross-eyed woman.
“Yeah, a promise is a promise,” said another woman, who looked like a hobo.
In truth, they all looked like hobos. Probably because they were all hobos.
Scarlett was eyeing Tex with a knowing look. ‘I told you,’ that look said. And she had. And even if she hadn’t, he should have known Vesta wouldn’t leave well enough alone.
“All right,” he said resignedly. “The first one come with me.”
And he returned to his office, determined to murder Vesta the moment he saw her.
Chapter 21
I was in Odelia’s bedroom when she finally arrived home that night. I had no idea where the others were nor did I care. After the bombshell Milo had dropped on me—the second one that day—I had a feeling I’d never really known these cats. They were like strangers to me. Except for Harriet, who apparently was my sister, even if she looked nothing like me, and Brutus, who was my son, and, again, looked nothing like me.
I had a hard time processing all these revelations, so for the rest of the afternoon I’d been hiding in Odelia’s bedroom, behind the bed, my only companions the dust bunnies Odelia had missed when she’d last vacuumed there. Or maybe she didn’t like vacuuming behind the bed, which was entirely possible, and those bunnies had been there forever.
Milo had come looking for me, but I’d managed to outsmart him by holding my breath. Tough, too, with those dust bunnies tickling my nose.
Finally, a familiar voice sounded. “Max? Where are you, baby?”
In spite of the sneaking suspicion I had that Odelia was prepared to get rid of me and exchange me for Milo, a big smile lit up my face and a warm tingle spread inside my chest.
My human was home, and she would help me make sense of a senseless world.
“Odelia?”
It was Milo’s voice.
“Yes, honey?”
“Can I have a quick word before the others arrive?”
“Sure. What’s wrong?”
“A lot. You wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through today.”
“Oh, my God. What happened?”
“It’s Max and the others, though mainly Max. He hates me.”
“Hates you? What do you mean?”
“He’s been torturing me all day! Denying me food and water, telling me I should probably jump under a truck and rid the world of the ugliest feline it has ever known. It’s been awful. Awful!”
The bed shifted, and the box spring groaned. Odelia had taken a seat. “Jump up. Tell me all about it. This is not the Max I know, Milo. I don’t know what could have happened.”
I was too stunned to move an inch—or even to utter a single word. Instead, I just lay there, my ears pricked up, and listening to every horrible utterance from Milo.
“It all started when they held a meeting—Max, Dooley, Brutus and Harriet—and decided that from now on they won’t be helping you out anymore.”
“They won’t? But why?”
“Frankly they hate it. They never wanted to tell you this but they hate this whole sleuthing thing.”
“But I thought they loved it!”
“Trust me—they hate it. The only reason they went along with the scheme is because they got extra kibble when they caught a killer or provided you with a clue.”
“I didn’t know,” said Odelia, and she sounded distraught.
“So I asked them about it, but they said I should butt out. That I was an intruder and I’d be gone soon enough if not sooner and they didn’t want me here—they never wanted me here and yadda yadda yadda. And that’s when Max really went to town on me. First he told me I was too fat and that all I did was lounge about and steal his food and his milk and he wasn’t having it anymore. So no more food for me. Then he said his human didn’t want me here, either, but was too nice to say no to my stupid human which is why I should do everyone a favor and jump under a passing UPS truck and make the world a better place.”
At this point, Milo took a breath and Odelia gasped in shock.
This was just too much. This cat was lying through his teeth!
“I’ll talk to Max,” said Odelia. “This kind of behavior is intolerable.”
“I didn’t want to tell you at first,” said Milo. “I figured it would upset you to know what Max is really like.” He sighed dramatically. “In fact I thought you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Oh, I believe you. And I’m going to deal with this right now. Where is Max?”
The box spring moved again. Odelia was getting up.
“No idea. I haven’t seen him since he told Dooley to smear his poop all over the carpet and the walls.”
“He did what?!”
“Yeah. Max can be really mean sometimes. He figured you’d punish Dooley and kick him out of the house.”
“But Dooley is his best friend!”
“Not anymore. Dooley’s been digging into Max’s Cat Snax and Max went ballistic when he found out. Told me he hated that stupid cat. That Dooley was even dumber than me and that he was going to make sure you kicked him out once and for all.”
“Oh, I don’t believe this.”
“I knew you wouldn’t, Odelia.”
“Oh, no. I do believe you, Milo. And I’m glad you’re telling me all this.”
“You should probably talk to Brutus and Harriet, too.”
“What have they done?”
“They hate Max, and they hate each other, and Max hates all of them, too. In fact if I were you I’d separate them. Make sure they don’t kill each other, I mean.”
“I can’t separate them. They all live under the same roof.”
“Then I guess there’s only one solution.”
“You’re not asking me to…”
“I know the pound has a bad rep but it’s really not such a nasty place as they say. Aloisia got me from the pound, and a wonderful time I had there, too. Made lots and lots of great friends. Just look at it as a place where cats can find a new and happy home.”
I shook my head disgustedly. I finally had Milo’s number. My first impulse was to crawl from under the bed and tell Odelia the truth. But would she believe me? This cat was such a skilled liar she might not. So then I got a better idea. The only solution to the Milo problem. The solution I should have thought of sooner, if I hadn’t believed his lies myself.
Chapter 22
I walked into the TV nook and found Odelia ensconced on the couch, Milo on her lap, Grandma next to her, and no sign of Brutus, Dooley or Harriet. Odelia & Co were watching the adventures of Kit Katt & Koh, though judging from the frown on Odelia’s face she wasn’t really following the story. And Grandma wasn’t looking too attentive either, her thoughts clearly miles away. Only Milo was having a grand old time, enjoying Odelia’s loving caress.