“Not yet,” he admitted with a smug smile. “But I’m getting there.”
“That’s great,” I said. “So you’re close to catching the killer, huh?”
“I’m almost ready to reveal his identity, yes,” said Brutus.
Harriet, who’d been licking her fur—that kind of snowy white coat takes a lot of licks to keep looking so nice and shiny—sighed wistfully. “Brutus is so clever, Max. He’s listened to all the interviews Chief Alec and Chase did today, and he’s drawn a most fascinating conclusion. He’s really nailed it.”
“You did, huh?” I asked. “Well, to be honest I expected nothing less from you, Brutus. You are a policeman’s cat, after all. A true detective.”
“Glad you’re finally seeing things my way, Maxie, baby,” he sneered.
“Oh, but I certainly do,” I assured him. “It’s just that us country bumpkins need more time to figure things out than you slick city cats.”
“See?” he asked, addressing Harriet. “I told you those two morons would see the light. All right,” he said now. “I don’t see why I can’t tell you. I know for a fact now that there wasn’t just one killer. They were all in it together.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Come again?”
“Don’t you see?” he asked. “All those boy toys—”
“Or toy boys,” Harriet supplied.
“Whatever. They’re all in this together, see?”
I was reluctant to admit I didn’t see, so I just goggled at him.
“They were all sick and tired of having to compete for the attention of the johnny up top, so they decided to do away with Johnny once and for all.”
“I, um… I’m speechless,” I admitted.
“Come on!” he said. “You see it all the time. Humans can only be humiliated by another human for so long, until they start fighting back. Just think of Caesar being killed by his senators. Or all those assassination attempts on Hitler’s life.”
“What have Caesar and Hitler have to do with John Paul George?”
“Everything! Johnny was lording over these guys. They were like his slaves, and slaves will always rise up against their oppressors. These boys were sick and tired of having to perform these… services, night after night. I mean, Johnny wasn’t exactly Brad Pitt. The guy was fat and ugly, and not much fun to please. So they finally decided to whack the guy. They all got together and devised a plan and swore a sacred oath never to tell a soul.”
“Like a conspiracy, huh?”
“Exactly! And since they all swore to keep the secret, there’s no way Chase or the Chief are ever going to find out what happened.” He grinned. “But I’m on to them. Listening to their testimonies convinced me they’re hiding something. And I’m going to reveal their secret. Me! Brutus!”
“They might be hiding the fact that they’re all working as escorts,” I pointed out. “Which isn’t something they want their families to know.”
“No, they’re all in this one big conspiracy to kill their oppressor,” Brutus insisted, “and I’m going to reveal the truth to Chase very soon now.”
Dooley, who’d been staring up at Brutus throughout this long harangue, now swallowed. “Cats rising up to kill their oppressor, huh? I like it.”
“Not cats,” Brutus corrected him lazily. “Boy toys.”
“Or toy boys,” said Harriet.
“Whatever. Boys deciding to stick it to the man. Make him pay for what he did to them. Finally end the era of oppression and humiliation.”
There was a strange fire in Dooley’s eyes, and I could see that Brutus’s words had made a great impact on him. Suddenly I saw why. Killing Brutus, that slightly feverish look on Dooley’s face said, that is what we should do.
I shot him a warning glance, but he simply waggled his eyebrows.
“So where did those boys get the poison?” I asked Brutus.
He waved a careless paw. “Those are minor details. I’m sure that you’ll find that one of those guys had access to a stash of spider venom. Slipping some of it into Johnny’s vial would have been a piece of cake.”
“Maybe one of those boys is Australian,” said Harriet.
“Good thinking, toots,” said Brutus. He pointed at Harriet. “Smart as a whip, this one. Australian spider venom? The Australian boy toy did it.”
“Or toy boy,” said Harriet, putting her head on Brutus’s shoulder.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”
Dooley, who’d been Harriet’s number one admirer from the first, looked pained. To watch the cat you’ve loved for so long being reduced to playing second fiddle was definitely painful to watch, and even more for him.
Maybe there was something in Dooley’s idea, as he now stared at me imploringly. I finally rolled my eyes and nodded. Maybe there was merit in this. If we couldn’t get rid of Brutus the easy way, maybe we simply had to kill him. And that’s how Operation Kill Brutus was born. Out of Dooley’s love for Harriet, and my exasperation with the brute. Suddenly mixing some little-known exotic poison in the cat’s food didn’t sound all that far-fetched.
We might not have been Brutus’s boy toys—or toy boys—but we were cats being oppressed by a brutal, well, oppressor, and ready to rise up. Now all we needed to do was find one of those Australian funnel-web spiders and convince him to loan us some of his venom. How hard could that be?
Chapter 14
“So, Chase,” said Odelia, once they were all seated at the dinner table. “When are you going to find yourself a place of your own?”
He gave her a level gaze. “Why, do you have a suggestion for me?”
“Chase will find a place when he’s good and ready,” said Mom. “In the meantime he’s happy to stay with Alec, isn’t that right, Alec?”
“Sure,” said the Chief, ladling more mashed potatoes onto his plate and adding a good helping of gravy. “You’re welcome to stay for as long as you like, Chase, I already told you that.”
“Thanks, Chief,” said Chase warmly, and popped a meatball into his mouth. “These meatballs are just great, Marge.”
“Thanks,” said Mom. “But it’s actually my mother you should thank, Detective. She rolled them, isn’t that right, Mom?”
Gran, who was still looking a little hyped up, nodded. “That’s right. They’re my specialty. Always had a keen interest in meatballs, if you catch my drift.” At this, she directed a look so lascivious at Chase, Odelia almost groaned in embarrassment. Dad had given her a quick checkup, and had said there was no danger. That the effects of the drug would wear off pretty soon. Apart from occasional hot flashes and a sense of euphoria, she’d be just fine. What he hadn’t said was that she was going to be horny as heck. Which Odelia should probably have realized, cause that was exactly the reason John Paul George had been so fond of this particular substance.
“Yeah, you’ve got some amazing balls, Vesta,” Dad said, oblivious.
“I know,” said Gran, “and I’m not the only one.” Once again, she shot some pretty lewd looks in Chase’s direction. To his credit, the cop decided to steer the conversation to safer waters and away from the meatball theme.
“The reason I haven’t found a place yet is because this town has some pretty expensive real estate,” he said now.
“Yeah, you’re right,” said Dad. “Lots of folks have decided to profit from the boom by turning their houses into B & Bs and the rest have been snapped up by tourists. Hard to find something reasonably priced nowadays. Unless you’re handy with tools? There’s always a fixer-upper you can find, Chase.”
“Oh, I’ll bet he’s real handy with his tools,” said Gran, licking her lips.
“Well, I am,” said Chase, after giving Gran a bemused look. “But not handy enough to fix up an entire house, I’m afraid.”
“You’ll find something,” said Uncle Alec. “Until then mi casa es su casa.”
“So have you made any progress on the JPG case yet?” asked Mom.