“You never told me this,” said Omar.
“I thought you knew!” said Jason. “I thought you knew all, saw all, heard all…”
“Oh, God,” said Omar, quite aptly. “I’m just a dude, Jason. All I ever wanted was to bring a little soul into this world. I’m not a god, buddy. Six months ago I was still advising people about Credit Default Swaps and Synthetic Collateralized Debt Obligations! Well, before crashing my Lamborghini Aventador into a guardrail on Route 73, of course.”
“Anyway, when I kicked up a fuss about giving up my position on the inner circle and at your table, Jaqlyn said he’d tell everyone about my predilection for hard liquor and coke, and promised I’d be kicked out of Soul Science and lose all my newfound friends.”
“My husband was a bastard,” said Francine matter-of-factly. “A grade A skunk.”
“So I decided to give him a piece of my mind and confront him. I was frankly fed up, and…” He bowed his head. “I kinda lost my nerve and… took a quick snifter.”
“Oh, Jason,” said Father Reilly.
“It’s fine,” said Omar. “You fell off the wagon, you can get on again.”
“So I accosted Jaqlyn on the street this afternoon and we got into a fight and he said that if I came to his house one more time he was going to make a video and expose me. He’d post it on YouTube and that’d be the end for me. Well, I got very upset and so I grabbed the bottle of vodka I got for the occasion and whacked him on the head with it.”
“The devil is in the bottle,” Father Reilly murmured, and folded his hands in prayer.
“When he didn’t get up, I realized I was in big trouble, but when I looked around I saw that the street was empty. No one had seen us. So I quickly started looking for a car that was unlocked and very soon found one. And then I dumped Jaqlyn’s body inside and got the hell out of there.”
“Dad left the car unlocked?” asked Odelia, shocked.
Marge closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’ve only told the man a million times always to lock up his car. But does he do it? No.”
“You didn’t mean to frame Tex?” asked Uncle Alec.
“I didn’t even know whose car it was!” said Jason.
“I think I’ve heard enough,” said Charlene, getting up. “Alec, will you please read Jason his rights?”
Alec did as he was told, and before our very eyes, Jason was arrested and led away.
“I’m sorry, Master Omar!” he said before he was escorted out of the room.
“How did you know?” asked Chase.
Omar emitted a tired sigh. “In Soul Science we have this thing where we write down our thoughts when they’re preventing us from getting in touch with our deeper nature. Jason must have come in after what happened this afternoon, and written everything down. I just happened to pass by his desk and saw the notebook. Curious, I took a peek, even though I probably shouldn’t have. When I saw what he’d written I immediately thought about calling the cops. Only I realized he’d simply deny the whole thing. So I figured this meeting scenario might induce him to confess. And luckily he did.”
“What are you going to do now?” asked Odelia. “Now that you’ve disbanded Soul Science?”
“Oh, I might take a trip,” said Omar. “I made a lot of money in my crazy Wall Street years, and even though I invested a good chunk in Soul Science, I think I want to get away from things for a while. Maybe see my sister. She lives in Spain,” he explained.
“You shouldn’t give up Soul Science,” said Father Reilly now, much to everyone’s surprise. “I think you’re on to a good thing, Omar, and you shouldn’t just give it up. Just… change the format a little bit. I can probably give you some advice on how to do that.”
“I would like that,” said Omar gratefully.
“Drop by any time. Let’s make this work.”
People were talking amongst themselves now, discussing the recent and stunning events, and I noticed how Sharif had drifted into my ken and was eyeing me intently.
“Max?” he said now. “We never really had the opportunity to talk, did we?”
“No, we didn’t,” I said, and didn’t mention that I never felt like talking to him.
“The thing is… I think I gave the wrong impression before. Like Omar, I’m just a dude, you know. But you know what cats are like. As soon as you mention the word soul or spirit they immediately assume you’re some kind of guru or god or whatever.”
“I never thought you were a guru or a god,” I said.
“I like your sermons,” said Dooley. “I’ve never slept so well as during the last one. You really should consider putting them on tape and sell them as a patent cure for insomnia.”
Sharif, much to my surprise, burst out laughing. “That’s the best thing I’ve heard all week! I’ll have to tell Omar.”
This intrigued me. “So it’s true that Omar can talk to you?”
“Just a figure of speech, Max. He’s a human and I’m a cat. Of course we don’t talk.”
I didn’t want to tell him about the Poole women, so I just said, “No, sure, of course.”
“Look, Max,” he said. “I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Whether Omar will disband Soul Science or whatever. But I hope you and I can be friends one day.”
I looked the cat in the eye, and realized he was just a dude, standing in front of another dude, asking that dude to be his buddy. So I nodded and said, “I’d like that.”
“Great,” he said, and we shook paws on it.
Epilogue
Our company had been requested to liven up yet another garden party, only this party was one conducted in our own backyard, or at least in Marge and Tex’s backyard, and only a select few guests were present, namely my humans and my feline friends.
After last night’s events had transpired, Tex had immediately been released, and now stood working away behind the grill like a long-lost son finally having arrived home.
If prison life had made him a more spiritual, more reflective person, he didn’t show it. As usual he was dispensing the fruits of his labor to all and sundry, regaling both man and beast with pieces of meat like a benevolent King Solomon strewing gold from his hat.
“I think it’s wonderful to have Tex home again,” said Dooley, who was lying next to me on the porch swing. “The place hasn’t been the same without him.”
“The place was hardly without him,” I pointed out. “He was only in jail a couple of hours.”
“Still,” said Dooley, directing an affectionate look at our resident doctor-slash-grillmeister.
“Still,” I agreed. Tex is one of those people you hardly notice are there, until they’re not there and you realize they’re actually the bedrock the whole thing is built on.
“I’m very unhappy,” Harriet announced. “Shanille played a dirty trick on us.”
“Oh, it’s all fine, twinkle toes,” muttered Brutus, examining a burger patty and, having determined, like the FDA, that it was fit for feline consumption, quickly gobbling it up.
“It’s not fine, Brutus. She said she was disbanding cat choir and just when you take your responsibility and step up to the plate, she can’t just come in and take over again. She made her bed and now she should lie in it.”
“What bed?” asked Dooley.
“Just an expression,” I murmured.
“It’s all to the good,” Brutus insisted.
And he was right. Last night Brutus had conducted his first cat choir ever, and it was safe to say it hadn’t gone well. There had been dissent in the ranks, cats had talked through his instructions, and one cat had even thrown a rock at him, like ribald pupils will when they sense the new teacher is a pushover and should be tested to the limit.