“Violence, always violence,” said Harriet, still morose even after her prayers. “Why is it that men always seem to resort to violence as the first solution for every problem?”
Brutus frowned. “Because it works?”
Harriet sighed. “Oh, Brutus. You do bore me sometimes.”
Brutus exchanged a quick look of concern with me. Harriet was getting worse. The FOMO virus had taken root and was spreading, quickly poisoning her soul.
“At the very least we should figure out who this Love Symbol is,” I said.
“And then we’ll knock his block off,” Brutus said with a decisive nod.
“Violence, violence,” Harriet muttered.
“Not knock his block off,” I said, “but talk to him. Reason with the cat. Tell him to seek help for his flea affliction. I’m sure that when we explain to him how he’s responsible for this recent outbreak he’ll be horrified and more than happy to comply.”
“That’s it?” asked Brutus, disappointed. “That’s your big solution? Talk to the cat?”
“Sure. Love Symbol probably doesn’t even know what’s going on.”
“But he’s driving through town—seducing our lady cats!”
“No law against that,” I said.
“Some kind of pied piper is wreaking havoc in our community and you’re going to let him get away with it? No way. I know you’re a pacifist and all but that is just plain wrong.”
“So what do you suggest? We rough him up? We’re cats, Brutus, not animals.”
“Cats are animals!”
“Still. No need to resort to violence. I’m sure Love Symbol is a perfectly decent cat and—”
“He’s a harbinger of doom!”
“And he works for the Deep State,” said Dooley. “Bringing death and destruction to all cats.”
Brutus gestured to my friend. “See? Even Dooley agrees with me on this one.”
I was slowly losing my patience with these cats. “How many times do I have to say it? There is no Deep State. There is no secret plan to wipe out the country’s cat population. And Love Symbol doesn’t work for the CIA!”
“I have an idea,” suddenly Harriet spoke up. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet for the past five minutes. “We know where Love Symbol picks up his victims, right?”
“On the corner of Franklin and First,” I said.
“So why don’t we meet him there tonight, and see what he has to say for himself?”
“He’s not going to stop his limo for us,” I said. “Love Symbol likes his cats young, pretty and, most importantly, female.”
Harriet cocked her head and smiled. And then I got it. And so did Brutus, judging from the way sound was escaping from his lips like steam from a busted pipe.
“No way!” he bellowed.
“Yes, way,” Harriet insisted.
“You’re not going to act as bait for that maniac!”
“Oh, yes, I am.” She touched Brutus’s shoulder. “How else are we going to make him pull over his limo? And how else are we going to get him to open his door? This cat is coy, and when he sees the four of us he’ll tell his driver to punch the gas and lay rubber. No, the way I see it is that one of us must get him to pull over and since last time I checked I am the only female in our little band of four, it’s up to me to do the honors.”
“No!” said Brutus. “I won’t let you!”
“Brutus,” I said. “She’s right. There’s no way Love Symbol, or whatever his name is, will pull over his limo for you or me or Dooley. Harriet’s plan is our only option.”
Brutus was puffing up his chest. “If you think I’m going to let my girl be subjected to this—this—this PLAY-CAT you’ve got another thing coming. I’m putting my paw down!”
And he did. He actually stomped his paw. “Brutus, sugar bear,” said Harriet. “It’s so sweet of you to try and protect me, but I’m a big girl. I know what I’m doing.”
“You don’t know this cat. You don’t know what he’s capable of.”
“Like she said, Harriet is a big girl, Brutus,” I said. “She’ll be fine.”
“You’re not that big,” said Dooley. “In fact you’re quite petite.”
Harriet laughed a tinkling laugh, and I for one was glad she seemed like her old self again. “You think I’m petite, Dooley? You haven’t seen my butt!”
“I’ve seen your butt,” said Dooley, blinking. “You have a nice butt.”
Brutus directed a scathing look at Dooley. “Dooley,” he said warningly, “I like you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t disembowel you.”
“Temper, temper,” said Harriet, lightly tapping her lover on the nose. “Now are we doing this or not?”
“We’re doing this,” I said resolutely.
Brutus seemed torn. On the one hand he wanted to collar this Love Symbol, but on the other hand the thought of Harriet crawling into the limo with this notorious player clearly made his skin crawl.
“You’ll be thirty feet away,” said Harriet. “So if something happens...”
“I’ll come running,” Brutus said, nodding. “And I’ll knock his block off.”
“Deal,” said Harriet with a perky smile. “And now let’s get something to eat, shall we? I’m starving.”
Brutus relented. Seeing Harriet being herself again clearly cheered him up, to the extent that he was prepared to let her get into strange limos with strange cats. “Fine,” he said. “Let’s grab a bite to eat and then we’ll get ready to pounce on Love Symbol.”
And as we set a course for home, Dooley and I fell back a few steps, allowing Harriet and Brutus some privacy while they discussed Harriet’s daring and audacious plan.
“I’m right, though, aren’t I, Max?” Dooley said.
“About what, Dooley?”
“Harriet has a very nice butt.”
“She does, but don’t let Brutus see you checking it out.”
“But why, Max? Harriet’s butt is a thing of beauty, and things of beauty should be appreciated, not hidden away from the rest of the world by some jealous cat-friend.”
I smiled. “Are you comparing Harriet’s butt with a work of art, Dooley?”
His face took on an exalted expression. “Doesn’t Harriet look just like Mona Lisa?”
For a moment I fixed my gaze upon Mona Harriet’s tush. Dooley was right. Harriet did have a perfectly nice behind. More than that, though, she was a dear friend, and I hoped her latest mood swing was a permanent one. That she’d thrown off this strange mantle of doom.
Somehow I wasn’t too sure, though.
Something told me we weren’t out of the woods yet.
Chapter 10
That night found Harriet, Max, Dooley and Brutus staking out the corner of Franklin and First, lying in wait behind a fire hydrant. They’d been there for all of one hour and frankly Harriet was already regretting having suggested this crazy scheme. It was one thing to come up with a plan of campaign but quite another to carry it through.
“Where is this Love Symbol?” she asked irritably. She had an itch near the base of her tail that she was pretty sure came from lounging on this absurdly filthy sidewalk.
“Maybe Shanille made the whole thing up,” said Brutus hopefully. Even though he’d accepted the plan, that didn’t mean he was happy with it. He clearly hoped Love Symbol wouldn’t show up and Harriet wouldn’t have to act the part of live bait.
“She didn’t,” said Max, as always the voice of reason. “Shanille would never lie about a thing like that. Shanille would never lie, period. She’s the most virtuous cat I know and if she says this episode happened, it happened.” He sighed. “Maybe this Love Symbol person took another route.”
“This is the best way into Hampton Cove,” said Harriet, chewing her lower lip nervously. “If he comes from Hampton Bays this is the road he needs to take.”
“What makes you think he comes from Hampton Bays?” asked Brutus suspiciously.
“Duh. Where else is he coming from? The moon? His human probably lives in Hampton Bays or somewhere around those parts, and he’s chosen Hampton Cove as his hunting ground.”