“She looks terrible,” Odelia’s mother whispered. “Are you sure she’s fine?”
“If she says she’s fine, I guess she’s fine,” Odelia whispered back.
They were all sitting at a long table: Odelia and her family, Chase and Uncle Alec included, and Opal’s party, which consisted of herself, Marilyn and Harlan. All in all, it was all very cozy, especially since they’d been given a table at the back by the maître d’, where they wouldn’t be bothered by other guests, and could enjoy their meal in private.
“She shouldn’t have discharged herself,” said Gran. “Mark my words—she’ll be sorry.”
“What do you think, Tex? You’re the medical man,” said Uncle Alec.
“I think nothing,” said Dad as he devoted himself to his sirloin steak. “I’m here as a tourist, not a doctor.”
“But shouldn’t you say something? You did sign that oath of Pythagoras, didn’t you?” Gran insisted.
“Hippocrates, and it’s not my habit to go around dispensing medical advice just because I feel like it. Ultimately Opal is the custodian of her own health.”
“Nice words, to hide the fact that you’re too chicken to tell Opal what’s what.”
“I’m not too chicken to tell anyone anything, but Opal is a grown woman and she clearly knows what she’s doing.”
“A lot of baloney,” Gran muttered, shaking her head.
“So how is the police conference going?” asked Odelia, eager to change the subject.
“Total bust,” said Uncle Alec.
“Yeah, not at all what we expected,” Chase chimed in.
“Some nonsense about using military tactics to police the community,” said Alec. “Not on my watch. That’s what I told that instructor and that’s what I intend to tell the mayor.”
“You didn’t tell that instructor anything, and I’m pretty sure you’re not going to tell the mayor anything either,” said Chase.
“Well, it’s the thought that counts,” said Uncle Alec vaguely. He’d ordered ribs and was enjoying them tremendously, judging from the sauce dripping from his chin.
“What did I tell you about eating lean meat only?” said Chase.
“This is lean meat only,” said Uncle Alec.
“No, it’s not. This is just about the greasiest stuff imaginable. Do you know what this is going to do to your arteries?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m enjoying my meal and if you could please focus on your own plate and not mine I’d be very much obliged, you fitness guru wannabe you.”
“Your wellbeing is my concern, Alec,” said Chase, who was starting to sound more and more like the chief’s mother.
“Well, it shouldn’t be.”
Chase gave Odelia a comical grimace. “See what I’m dealing with here?”
“See what I’m dealing with?” said Alec.
Odelia patted her uncle on the arm. “Chase is right, Uncle Alec. And he’s only saying this because he cares. If you keep eating like this you’ll get yourself in trouble.”
“No, I won’t. Tell them, Tex. Tell them I’m as healthy as an ox.”
“You know I can’t divulge confidential information about my patients, Alec,” said Dad, slicing into his steak with the precision of a brain surgeon.
“But I’m telling you to tell them. I’m absolving you of your doctor-patient privilege.”
“Still, I feel reluctant to share that kind of information with a third party.”
“She’s my niece, for God’s sakes!”
“Fine. Alec, you are a heart attack waiting to happen. It wouldn’t surprise me if one of these days you’re going to need triple bypass surgery—possibly quadruple. There. That enough information for you?”
Alec stared at his brother-in-law in horror. “You never told me that.”
“I told you exactly that,” said Dad. “Trouble is you never listen.”
“Quadruple bypass surgery?”
“Look on the bright side. Could have been quintuple,” said Dad with faux cheer.
Alec had placed the uneaten rib back on his plate and slowly lifted his napkin to his lips. “Thanks, Doc,” he said with a wounded expression on his face. “Thanks for ruining a perfectly good dinner.”
“You’re welcome,” said Dad with the kind of smile he reserved for patients on the brink of death, to calm them down while the ambulance was on its way.
“Looks like I’m not the only one facing health issues,” said Opal.
“I’m not facing any health issues,” said Alec. “I’m pretty sure my brother-in-law is just kidding. Isn’t that right, Tex? You’re just kidding, right?”
“I’m a doctor,” said Dad. “I never kid about bypass surgery.”
“It’s all those burgers,” said Marge. “I told my husband we should stop organizing backyard barbecues. All that fat and all of that meat is clogging up my poor brother’s arteries, and soon he’ll be dead and where will that leave us?”
“With Chase as the new chief of police, probably,” said Dad, stoically slicing and dicing his steak. Odelia had to admire her father’s capacity to focus. Probably something that came with the job.
“See?” said Chase. “What did I tell you, buddy? If you don’t adopt a healthier lifestyle Hampton Cove will lose a great chief, and then the mayor will make me chief and the system will break down. I’m not cut out to be chief. I’m a detective, not an administrator. So please take better care of yourself and save me from being the new chief.”
The Chief was frowning at his deputy. “Nice speech. But who says the mayor will make you the new chief? I’ll bet he’ll appoint his niece instead. And then you’ll be taking orders from her.”
“All the more reason for you to lose the flab and stay chief forever,” said Chase, patting Uncle Alec’s protruding belly.
Alec grunted something under his breath and shoved his plate away.
“Aren’t you going to eat those?” asked Harlan.
“I guess not,” said Uncle Alec, his face a mask of pretty petulance.
“Can I have a stab?” asked Harlan.
“Oh, Harlan,” said his partner of thirty years.
“Go ahead,” said Alec, and handed Harlan his plate.
“Thanks,” said Harlan. “I love spare ribs.”
“Me, too,” said the Chief mournfully. He’d brought a hand to his chest, and was presumably thinking about Dad’s words. A quadruple bypass was not a pleasant prospect, and it appeared that Odelia’s dad’s words had touched a chord.
“I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again,” said Marge. “You should listen to Tex. Tex knows.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said Uncle Alec.
“Is it true that you’re a doctor, Mr. Poole?” asked Marilyn now.
“Tex, please,” said Dad with an engaging smile. He might be able to conjure up absolute focus when dealing with his sirloin steak, but even he was susceptible to the charms of a famous talk show host like Marilyn Coyn.
“I have a mole on my thigh,” said Marilyn. “My doctor tells me it’s nothing to worry about, but I would love to get a second opinion. Can you take a look?”
And before awaiting Dad’s response, she was already hiking up her dress and shoving her thighs in the good doctor’s face.
Dad, redirecting his attention from his steak to Marilyn’s thighs, didn’t even flinch. As a doctor he was used to random strangers walking up to him on the street and showing them their spots. He studied Marilyn’s mole, which was, Odelia saw, a nice purple one.
“Nothing to worry about,” said Dad, showcasing his suavest bedside manner. “Absolutely harmless, Mrs. Coyn.”
“You really think so, doctor?” asked Marilyn, a note of concern in her voice. “When I scratch it my left ear tickles.”
“Perfectly harmless little mole.”
“I’m worried it might be cancer.”
“Well, I can assure you that it’s not.”
“Do you think I should have it removed?”
“That’s entirely up to you, my dear Mrs. Coyn,” he said smoothly. “If the mole bothers you so much, by all means have it removed. If not, it can’t hurt to leave it untouched.”