“Helga!”
“No, I want to come clean, Hector. They have a right to know!”
“No, they don’t.”
“I knew you were the ones!” said Gran. “So you poisoned that coffee, didn’t you?”
“Poison?” cried Helga, her hands flying to her face. “No, ma’am! I didn’t poison no coffee!”
“Then what the hell are you talking about?”
“The wine!”
“Helga!”
“No, Hector, I want to come clean!”
“You promised!”
“I gave him the key, ma’am, I admit I gave him the key—but he drank it!”
“You drank it, too, you stupid woman,” Hector blurted out.
“See! He’s always calling me names! It’s the drink, ma’am. It makes him do stupid things.”
“Helga!”
“No, it’s true. You shouldn’t drink so much, Hector. You’re a very nice person deep down inside but when you’re drunk you turn into this, this… ogre!”
“Drink? What drink? What are you talking about?” asked Gran.
Helga bowed her head, and stared at her hands. “Opal keeps a special stash of her best bottles behind lock and key, ma’am, and she entrusted me with the key. Only me, as she knows I don’t drink, and she also knows she can trust me.”
“It’s not Opal’s stash, it’s Harlan’s,” said Hector, “and he’s got plenty more where that came from.”
“It doesn’t matter! It’s not your stash to take, Hector, or George’s.”
“George?”
“My boyfriend, ma’am. So word got out about Mr. Harlan’s secret stash, and the fact that I had the key, and so Hector and George started pestering me to give them the key so they could take a look.”
“We didn’t ‘pester’ you. You volunteered the information,” said Hector, angrily staring at the ceiling even as Helga kept staring at the floor.
“So finally I caved—you don’t know how convincing George can be, ma’am. And he told me that if I didn’t show him Mr. Harlan’s secret stash he would never speak to me again, and I happen to love that man, ma’am. One day I hope to have his babies—that’s how much I love that man.”
“Christ,” Hector muttered.
“You love Harlan?” asked Gran.
“No, George!”
“Uh-huh.” Gran looked puzzled, and so did Odelia.
“Humans,” Harriet said next to me. “They’re so weird.”
“So I showed him the cabinet. It’s right there, next to Opal’s desk.”
She suddenly pointed in our direction, and we all scrambled back, just in case we’d been spotted. But of course we hadn’t, so we scrambled forward again, like soldiers crawling through enemy brush.
“And of course the moment I opened it, it was as if I’d opened Pandora’s box. They kept drinking and drinking and drinking and I said Mr. Harlan is going to notice you’ve been raiding his liquor stash and who is he going to blame? Me!” She pounded her chest. “And of course that’s exactly what happened. He hired two detectives and now here we are. I just want you to know, ma’am,” she continued, looking up, “that I adore Opal and Mr. Harlan and I would never have done what I did if George and Hector hadn’t cajoled me.”
“We didn’t cajole you,” Hector grunted. “You were only too happy to dip in yourself!”
“One little sip, just to have a taste!”
“You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are,” said Hector.
“See, ma’am! This is the kind of abuse I have to put up with!” And promptly she burst into tears. “Please don’t fire me,” she said. “I love my job. I love working for Opal. And I promise I’ll never do it again. And I’ll pay you back all the drink that was drunk.”
“Look, now she’s gone completely white and he’s all red,” said Harriet, who’d been watching intently.
“It is weird,” I agreed.
“Like a chameleon,” Dooley repeated.
“I once saw Chase’s mom turn green,” said Brutus. “She ate a piece of sardine, went green, and the next thing I know she’s hanging over the toilet making strange sounds.”
“I once saw Gran’s face turn blue,” said Dooley happily. “She had something stuck in her throat and almost choked. Tex had to grab her and perform the hemlock maneuver. She spat out a potato and then turned from blue to red. It was the strangest thing.”
“It’s called the Heimlich maneuver,” I said.
“That’s what I said,” said Dooley. “The hemlock maneuver.”
“Look, we’ll talk to Opal, all right?” said Gran, her expression having softened considerably.
“Yeah, we’ll talk to Opal and Harlan,” Odelia chimed in. “I don’t think they’ll fire you over a glass of alcohol that you secretly drank.”
“More like two bottles,” said Helga, wiping away tears from her round cheeks.
“Two bottles!” said Gran, emitting an incredulous laugh.
“Maybe three,” said Hector, who was now also staring at the floor.
“We’ll pay her back,” said Helga. “We’ll pay her back everything we owe.”
“She can take it out of my paycheck,” said Hector. “And George. Don’t forget George.”
Both Helga and Hector had gotten up and Helga’s hand suddenly disappeared between her bosoms, before unearthing a small golden key. It was attached to a chain, which she now took from around her neck and handed to Odelia.
“Here. I betrayed Mr. Harlan’s trust. I don’t deserve to carry his key anymore.”
“Maybe it’s all for the best,” Hector sighed. “Never put the cat with the milk is what my mam used to say,” he added. “I’m truly sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused.”
And with these solemn words, they both turned on their heels and walked out, leaving Odelia and Gran lost for words. Whatever they’d expected, it clearly wasn’t this.
Chapter 19
Odelia and Gran returned to the living room, where they were met by Opal and Harlan. They both looked up when they entered, clearly anxious to find out what they’d learned.
“Here,” said Odelia, handing Opal the small golden key.
“What is this?” she asked.
“Oh, I think that’s mine,” said Harlan, taking the key from Opal. He was dressed in a very smart smoking jacket now, and looked as distinguished and handsome as before. He shared an uncanny resemblance with George Hamilton, Odelia thought, and wondered if that was what had attracted Opal.
“It’s the key to my liquor cabinet,” Harlan explained. “I gave it to Helga for safekeeping when you told me I should stop drinking so much, remember?”
“So why did she return it?” asked Opal, snatching the key back from Harlan’s hands, much to the latter’s disappointment.
“She and Hector came clean just now,” said Gran, who couldn’t suppress a grin.
“Clean? Don’t tell me they’re behind the attempts on my life!”
“They’re behind the attempts on Harlan’s liquor cabinet,” said Odelia.
“Hector and George found the temptation of all of that liquor just sitting there too hard to resist, so they persuaded Helga to open the cabinet for them,” Gran explained.
“And managed to raid your stash.”
“Oh, no!” said Harlan, taken aback. Opal merely looked grim-faced.
“And I don’t think Helga was as innocent as she claims to be,” said Odelia with a smile. “I think she joined in quite eagerly.”
“They drank my liquor!” said Harlan. “Of all the dastardly—” But Opal placed a hand on his arm.
“Let them finish, darling. So what’s the upshot?”
“Well, as I understand it you’re three bottles down of the good stuff,” said Odelia. “Though to assess the damage I guess Harlan will need to do a full sweep of the cabinet.”
“Give me that key and I’ll go and check right away!” said Harlan, indignant.
But Opal held the key out of his reach. “It’s fine,” she said.
“Fine! They stole my finest liquor!”
“Well, someone had to. And I’m glad they drank it instead of you. I told you to get rid of your stash, not to keep it behind lock and key and appoint Helga its guardian.”