“Chief!”
“Yeah!” he said, turning back.
“You’re not thinking about taking the car, are you?”
“Actually I was. Why?”
She got up and pressed out her belly, then patted it, and blew out her cheeks.
“Very funny, Dolores,” he growled. “Why don’t you just come out and tell me I’m fat, huh?”
“You’re fat, chief.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he said, and made to leave.
“Hey, chief, just give that pedometer a try, will you? You may be a grumpy old bastard, but that doesn’t mean I want to get rid of you just yet! Think about your family! And me!”
He made a throwaway gesture with his hand and walked out. Dolores was right, though. He’d installed a pedometer app on his phone and hadn’t actually used it. He took his phone out of his pocket and fired up the app, then stared at it. It seemed pretty straightforward. You had your speed, your distance, your burned calories… He cast a longing glance to his squad car, then raisedhis eyes heavenward. Oh, what the hell….
So instead of taking his car, he decided to leg it. He was a little heavier around the midsection than he would have liked. And his doctor had told him to lose some weight or else… Or else what? Or else he’d drop dead, like Dolores seemed to think?
How far was it to the August place? Two miles? Three?
A knocking sound behind him had him look up. It was Dolores, tapping the glass and pushing out her belly and blowing up her cheeks again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got the message. Loud and clear!
He gave her a wave, and then he was off. He’d show her what he was made of.
Half an hour later he was huffing and puffing, and sweating like a pig, and as he reached the house where the kid Nicky August and his parents lived, he had to bend over and take a breather. His ticker was beating a rapid drum, and he felt dizzy and faint.
Heck, maybe Dolores was right. Maybe he needed to work out a little more. And go easy on the fatty foods. If a crook tried to steal his wallet now, he wouldn’t even be able to give chase! And as he approached the door to the August house, he decided to wait until he was feeling more like a human being. Or at least didn’t look as if he was melting.
So he wandered to the house next door instead, and glanced up at the facade. The Buschmann place looked less inhabitable year by year. Soon a heavy wind would come and knock the whole place down. And good riddance, too. Who needed an eyesore like that in their town? Out of curiosity, he walked up to the house, then up the few steps to the front door, and looked in. Place was a mess. Why the town hadn’t ordered it to be torn down he didn’t know. If he lived next door to a house like this he’d have filed a complaint a long time ago. Place stank, too. Rot and mold, of course. And something else. Something he couldn’t put his finger on. He stuck his nose in the air and sniffed. Weird. Almost as if someone in there was smoking. Impossible, of course. Unless…
And he was about to apply his ham-sized fist to the door and give it a good knock, when suddenly the door was yanked open and a big, bearded guy appeared.
He was so surprised that for a moment he was speechless. Then he produced his badge and held it up.“Chief of Police Alec Lip. Have you by any chance seen two kids? They seem to have gone—”
And he would have said more, if an unexpected sharp pain hadn’t exploded near the back of his head, and the world suddenly turned dark.
Chapter 5
I woke up feeling woozy and slightly nauseous. As if I’d been sniffing from one of Uncle Alec’s cigarettes, back when he still used to smoke a lot. The smell of his cigarettes gave me the same feeling I had now, along with a slightly metallic taste in my mouth. I was in a cage, and for a moment I thought some horrible thing had happened that I couldn’t quite remember. For a moment I even thought I was at the pound!
But it all came back to me when a familiar figure came into view. It was Vena.
“Awake, little buddy?” she said. “Good. I’m sorry for locking you up in there, but it’s for your own safety. You’ve got plenty of food and water so don’t be afraid to eat your fill, though I can understand that you won’t want to eat right now.”
She took her phone out of her pocket and placed it to her ear.
“Odelia? Vena. You’ll be happy to know that Max is awake. Yeah, the operation went just fine. He’s three teeth poorer but will be without pain from now on. I also have the results from his blood test here—at least the preliminary ones.” She checked a piece of paper, then said, “Everything looks fine. Nothing that jumps out at me.” She moved into the next room, still talking to Odelia, and I was gratified to know that I hadn’t been donated to the pound. I ran my tongue along my teeth. Everything was pretty smooth down there—much smoother than it used to be—and the knowledgethat I was minus three teeth didn’t bother me in the slightest. I still had plenty of teeth left.
What did bother me was the cage, though. I don’t like cages, and being cooped up in one wasn’t a lot of fun. I glanced out through the bars, and thought it looked just like a prison. So I heaved a deep sigh, and placed my head on my paws, and decided to take a nap. I was feeling very weak, and before long I was sound asleep again, dreamingof Odelia’s couch, and my favorite scratching post, and of course my buddies back home.
I don’t know what woke me. It may have been a sound, or it may have been movement. I opened my eyes and discovered that all was dark around me. Night must have fallen, or else Vena had decided to turn off the light.
“Psst,” suddenly a voice sounded nearby. I focused on the source of the sound, and saw that a small rodent was hissing at me.
“Psst! Buddy!” it was saying.
“Oh, hey there, rat,” I said.
The rodent drew itself up to its full height, which wasn’t much. “I’ll have you know I’m not a rat, buster,” said the rodent, sounding a little peeved.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “So you’re a mouse, then?” A giant mouse, though.
“I’m a gerbil!” said the gerbil.
Great. I’d just insulted a gerbil. At least it was locked up in its cage same as I was.
“What are you in here for, buddy?” asked the gerbil.
“They pulled three of his teeth,” said a voice next to me. I glanced over, and saw that in the next cage a small dog sat. “Sorry,” it said. “I couldn’t help overhearing Vena as she was chatting away with your human over the phone.”
“No, that’s fine,” I assured the dog, which looked like a Pekinese.
“I’m having my gall bladder removed,” said the gerbil, swelling out its chest as if actually proud of the fact.
“Tough,” said the Pekinese.
“So what areyou in here for?” I asked politely. Even under duress, never forget your manners, my mother always told me.
“Worms,” said the Pekinese softly.
“I’m sorry?” I said. “Did you say worms?”
“Uh-huh. Worms.” Unlike the gerbil he didn’t look particularly proud of his affliction.
“Deworming,” said the gerbil knowingly. “Trust me, I know all about it. Once they pulled a worm out of my butt the size of an elephant.”
Both the Pekinese and I stared at the gerbil.“The size of an elephant?” I asked.
“A small elephant,” the gerbil clarified. “But still an elephant. What a sense of relief, huh, buddy? Huh?”
“I wouldn’t know,” said the Pekinese. “So far I haven’t experienced relief.”
“Oh, you will. Trust me. You’ll feel light as a feather. In fact I wish Vena would pull another one from my butt. There’s something addictive about a good deworming. But I digress. So your teeth, huh? That must have hurt.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I said, yawning. “So far so good, I’d say.”
“That’s because you’re still doped up on pain meds. Wait till they wear off. Mamma mia! Though you can always ask for more. Just hit Vena up for a fresh dose. Whimper a little and look sad and she’ll fix you right up. I love Vena. Tough but nice, if you know what I mean.”