She wasn’t sure what benefits Tex got, but she was sure he got something. Why else would he decide to allow his mother-in-law to live with him if not for the moolah?
“I’m truly sorry, Gran,” said Odelia, who didn’t look sorry at all. Chase even had the gall to grin as she said it. Obviously he wasn’t keen on his future wife’s granny to move in with them either.
She lifted her bony shoulders in a shrug.“Well, I guess there’s only one thing to do…”
“I’m sure that Tex will be more than happy to welcome you back, Mrs. Muffin,” said Chase.
“…I’ll move into your room and you two muppets can sleep on the couch.”
And with these words she marched into the master bedroom and glanced around. She didn’t like the wallpaper, she didn’t like the furniture, and she would need to clear out some junk to make space in that ugly-ass closet, but the bed would do nicely indeed.
“Pick up my bags, will you, sonny?” she told Chase, then, when he didn’t respond, she glanced over to him and Odelia. “And while you’re at it, pick up your jaw from the floor.”
So who was laughing now, huh?
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“We should probably apologize to Mom,” said Marge as she took a seat next to her hubby on the couch. Tex was watching something on the Discovery Channel about the migratory pattern of South-African geese but when she joined him he switched channels toThe Bachelorette, which he knew she preferred.
“Apologize?” he said as he ladled a big helping of yogurt into his mouth. “I’m not apologizing to your mother. She should apologize to us. Buy her a foldable smartphone, forsooth. Doesn’t she know how much those things cost?”
“She knows, but she wants to watch her shows.”
“She can watch all the shows she wants on the computer at the office. Not that I approve. She should be working, not watching shows. But okay, fine. I’m willing to make allowances. She’s old—and she loves those shows of hers. So let her use the PC.”
“It’s not the same. That computer is old. I’m not even sure it has internet.”
“It does have internet. I had it installed when we fixed up the office last time.”
“That was ten years ago, honey. I’d be surprised if you can check your email on that thing. I’m just saying, we should all try to be a little flexible.”
He glanced over, an astonished look on his face.“Flexible. The way she is flexible? Are you seriously telling me you’re caving in to her demands?”
She placed a soothing hand on her husband’s arm. “I’m saying we should try to get along. After all, we live together, and a little give and take is the only way to make this work.”
“Well, she doesn’t live here any longer,” he said as he took his spoon and then started scraping the bottom of the plastic yogurt container. She grabbed the spoon and the yogurt container to stop him from scraping, a habit which frankly drove her bananas.
“What do you mean, she doesn’t live here anymore?”
“She doesn’t. She told me she’s moving out and she had her bags packed and everything.”
“But… where did she go?”
“Next door,” he said as he put his feet up on the coffee table and leaned back.
“But that’s impossible. Didn’t you tell her Odelia is turning the guest room into an office and a home gym?”
“I didn’t tell her anything. I merely registered mild surprise—out of politeness, mind you, and in deference to the fact that she is the mother of the woman I love—and then offered to carry her bags next door myself. She huffily refused and shuffled off.”
Marge shook her head.“Oh, dear.” She picked up her phone and put it to her ear. “Odelia, honey? Is your grandmother over there?”
“Yeah, she is, and guess what?”
She sighed deeply.“She’s taking over your room?”
“How did you know?”
“Because I’ve known your grandmother a lot longer than you have,” she said, directing a critical glance at her husband of twenty-five years. Tex had the decency to look embarrassed.
“So what am I supposed to do now? She’s already asked Chase to get rid of the box spring cause it’s too hard, and she’s demanding we buy back the old wallpaper that she likes so much and chuck out the one we bought because she hates that newfangled crap figuring it’s bad for her aura and won’t allow her to get her much-needed beauty sleep!”
“Don’t worry, honey. She doesn’t actually mean to stay there indefinitely. Only for a couple of nights, until your father decides to apologize.”
“I’ll never apologize,” said Tex, stubbornly shaking his head. “Not in a million years!”
“If you like, you can move into your grandmother’s room,” Marge offered.
“A house swap, Mom? Really?”
“I’m sorry, honey.”
“And all this over a stupid smartphone?”
“Your grandmother feels very strongly about her little pleasures.”
“Oh, I’ll say she does. Maybe we should all pitch in and buy her the damn thing. At least then I’ll get my house back.”
“Maybe weshould all pitch in and buy her the phone.” She cocked a questioning eyebrow at her husband.
“Never!” Tex said. “She has a perfectly good smartphone and she’ll use it until it falls apart. And tell Odelia to tell Vesta I said that!”
“You know what?” said Marge. “Maybe you and Chase can sleep in our bed.”
Tex stared at her.“And where are we going to sleep?”
“I don’t know where you’re going to sleep, but I’m going to sleep in my mother’s bed.”
He goggled at her for a moment as he put two and two together, then exploded,“No way!”
She shrugged.“Either you apologize and get your daughter her house back, or you sleep with Mom from now on. Your choice.”
A mutinous look came over him, as he burrowed even lower into the couch.
“It’s a deal, honey,” she said into the phone. “Your father will sleep with Gran in your bed, you and Chase can take our bed, and I’ll sleep in your grandmother’s bed. And we’ll see how things stand in the morning.”
Odelia laughed, and said,“They should hire you at the UN, mom, as a peace negotiator. Those dictators wouldn’t know what hit them if you got involved.”
“I knew I should have gone into politics,” she said with a smile, and disconnected. “Better take your earplugs,” she told her husband. “You know how Mom snores.”
He grumbled something unintelligible under his breath, and she smiled a fine smile. She had a feeling this family feud would be over a lot quicker than the last one.
Chapter 7
Gran was feeling on top of the world. She’d put on her hairnet and her flannel nightgown and was getting ready to retire for the night. Her teeth were in a glass on the nightstand and she was reading a novel from her favorite writer Danielle Steel. Odelia’s bed was a lot bigger than her own, and the room was an improvement as well. And then suddenly the door swung open and her nemesis appeared.
Tex didn’t look happy, and he didn’t look very fashionable either, dressed in his pajamas with the little Garfields drawn on them.
“What the hell are you doing here?” asked Gran, not bothering to hide her animosity.
“Marge kicked me out of the house,” he said a little gruffly as he sat down on the bed.
Gran watched on with a rising sense of panic.
“And what do you think you’re doing, young man?”
“I’m sleeping here apparently,” Tex grumbled. “Marge’s orders.”
“But… she can’t do this!” Gran protested. “This isn’t right.”
“Tell me about it. She feels that since you took Odelia and Chase’s room, they should sleep in our bed, while Marge is sleeping in your bed tonight and I’m sleeping here, since this is the only other double bed we have.”
“There is still such a thing as the couch, Doctor Poole,” said Gran, sternly regarding her son-in-law from across her half-moon reading glasses.