“I think it’s the Bahamas,” said the scruffy cat. “Get ready for sun and surf, you guys.”
“This isn’t the airport shuttle bus!” I said.
“Yes, and we should know,” said Dooley. “We were on an airport shuttle bus when Odelia flew us all to England on Prince Dante’s private jet to meet Tessa Torrance.”
“Ooh, you were flown to England on Prince Dante’s private jet,” said Milo. “Aren’t you the lucky snowflakes. Don’t tell me you met the Queen?”
“And her corgis!” said the red cat, to everyone’s hilarity.
“How did you know?” said Dooley. “They were very nice, the Queen’s corgis. Well, not at first, of course, but once we got to know them better, Sweetie, Fr?ulein and Molly were really charming. They even warned us about the pins on those PBEs we got—PBE stands for Pet of the Order of the British Empire—the Queen gave them to us. But she didn’t use pins on us, of course. Her Majesty used nice ribbons. Very considerate. And painless.”
“I don’t see any ribbons around your necks,” said Milo. “Do you see any ribbons, guys?”
“No, we don’t,” said the red cat. “And not a trace of those PFCs either.”
“PBEs,” Dooley corrected him. “PBE stands for—”
“So I’ll bet you met the President of the United States, too, huh?” said Milo. “Oh, and the Pope, of course. In fact Odelia probably flies you around the world in your private jet so you two can meet all kinds of famous people. Rock stars, movie stars… pet stars.”
“Well, actually…” Dooley began, but I interrupted him.
“Forget it, Dooley,” I said. “Don’t you see he’s simply making fun of us?”
“He is?” said Dooley, sounding surprised.
I decided to leave Milo and his cronies to their Cat Snax Vegas dreams, and retreated into a corner of the van to confer with my friend.
“We have to escape, Dooley,” I said. “Once we’re inside that dungeon, our chances of escaping again will be slim to non-existent.”
“We could always try the cat pyramid again,” he suggested.
“We could, but they might be more vigilant now, and won’t let us trick them so easily.”
We searched around for an avenue of escape, but the van was obviously built to keep us in, not allow us to slip out.
“We have to be on our toes, Dooley,” I said. “Keep our eyes peeled. And the first chance we get we make a run for it, all right? We don’t hesitate, we run like the wind.”
“Like the wind, Max,” he said, a determined look on his furry face.
“Oh, one question, guys,” said Milo, who’d been entertaining the group at our expense. “Is it true that you met Bigfoot? Abominable Snowman? The Loch Ness Monster? Or is that just a rumor floating around? Help me clear this up. It’s important.”
More laughter ensued, and Dooley and I shook our heads at so much ignorance.
Dooley was on his toes, though. Literally. Ready to escape.
Chapter 26
“It’s all my fault, lieutenant!” the woman was saying. Lenora Balk was blond and probably a beauty, Odelia thought, though at the moment it was hard to be sure. Her face was red from crying, and her hair was a mess. She was very busty, though, which might explain the attraction Hank the traveling salesman must have experienced when he’d offered her Berghoff pots and pans and in return had gotten more than he bargained for.
“I’m sure your husband will turn up soon enough,” said Chase. “He’s probably hiding out in some sleazy motel somewhere, and doesn’t want to answer your calls.”
“But that’s just the thing, captain. He never switches off his phone. And he always picks up when I call, even when we’re in a fight.”
“Yeah, but this was more than just a fight, though, right?” said Chase, who, as usual, had taken the lead. The man was aces at putting people at their ease, Odelia thought.
“Well…” said Lenora, casting down her eyes.
“You mean this wasn’t the first time?” asked Odelia.
“It was the first time he caught me, if that’s what you mean,” said Lenora, flashing her lashes. “You see, I had an affair with our neighbor last year? And Bertie found out about it when Rick—that’s our neighbor—sent me a picture of his… well, let’s just say it was all Bertie needed to figure out something untoward was going on, if you see what I mean.”
“And how did he figure that?” asked Gran, who’d suddenly taken an interest in the proceedings. Until then, she’d been nodding along, but now really perked up.
“Well, obviously Bertie would never send a picture of his thing to himself,” said Lenora, looking slightly flustered.
“You mean your neighbor Rick sent the picture to your husband’s phone?” said Gran, her eyes sparkling with excitement. This was more the kind of stuff she liked.
“Yeah, he must have gotten his wires crossed or something. He used to text Bertie all the time, they were good friends—well, we were all good friends, me and Bertie and Rickie and Rickie’s wife Francine. So when Bertie got the picture of Rickie’s thing he wasn’t happy. In fact he was pretty upset.”
“So how did Bertie know that Rickie’s picture was meant for you?” asked Gran, delving deeper into the subject.
“Because of the caption,” said the woman.
“The caption?”
Lenora looked pained.“Do I have to tell you? I don’t think this is relevant, captain.”
“Detective,” Chase corrected her. “Just tell us, please, Mrs. Pope.”
“Oh, all right. Rickie added the message ‘Soon in a Jacuzzi near you.’ Because he has a Jacuzzi, see. And we liked to do it in the Jacuzzi when Bertie was away. And then he also added ‘When will that moron of a husband of yours be back?’ That’s when Bertie really got upset. He thought Rickie was his friend, and friends don’t call their friends morons.”
Or canoodle with their wives in the Jacuzzi when they’re away, Odelia thought. “And he didn’t walk out on you that time?” she asked, surprised at this Bertie’s loyalty.
“No, he didn’t, Miss Poole. He sat me down that time and told me he was very cross with me. And I told him he had good reason to be, and that I’d never set foot in Rickie’s Jacuzzi ever again. I also told Rickie to apologize to Bertie for calling him a moron and he did and that was that. Orat least I thought it was. And then all of a sudden he walks out and disappears on me. So I simply know something bad happened to him, sheriff.”
“Detective,” Chase said, scratching his head. “It seems like a plausible response from your husband to walk out on you after he caught you with…” He consulted his notes. “Hank, is it?”
“Probably,” the woman agreed. “He sold me some very nice Berghoff pots.”
“That was very considerate of him,” said Gran with a grin.
“Bertie would never walk out on me, sergeant,” said Lenora. “My daddy walked out on my mommy when I was a little girl, and it was a very traumatizing experience, so I made Bertie promise never to pull a stunt like that. So I know that something terrible must have happened to him, so please, please, please find him for me, commander.”
“Detective,” Chase corrected her.
She nodded, then attached herself to Chase’s left bicep, squeezing it and flashing her eyelashes once more. “Please find my husband for me, Chief Chase. I know I treated him horribly, and I know I don’t deserve a good man like Bertie, but I want him back. Those other guys, that’s just sex, you see, but my Bertie, that’s… well, I do love him, you see.”
And oddly enough, Odelia actually believed her when she said it.
Later, when they were back in the car, Gran said,“I don’t believe for a moment that guy was abducted, like his wife seems to think. He simply walked out when he saw her with that guy and now he’s probably drowning his misery in some dive bar in Mexico.”
“Possible,” Chase agreed.
“I don’t know,” said Odelia. “I think she wasn’t lying when she said she loves her husband.”