My big sister blinked twice, jerked her gaze up to my face, and winced. And then without another word, she fled the room.
Our parents had always told us not to go to bed angry. Residual animosity from a fight would fester overnight and become even worse. When lined up like a set of dominoes, each tile slightly bigger than the last, even the smallest offense could ultimately bring down a mountain ... or something. I was never sure about Dad’s analogy.
As a whole, my sisters and I hadn’t been doing a very good job of listening to that advice. For weeks now Alex had been holing herself up in her room, stewing in her own hatred and frustration at our situation, and neither Michelle nor I had done much to draw her out. We used to be good at that sort of thing back when all three of us lived at home. But after moving out to go to college, I suppose we had gotten out of the habit.
The point is: I knew Alex was feeling weird and awkward, and I didn’t want those feelings to fester. We had JUST gotten her to be a functioning, participative member of our family, and I was scared she would retreat back to hiding into her cave all day every day.
Alex’s door was closed, obviously. It was almost midnight and we all had Zoom classes in the morning. Michelle would be asleep by now, and I had been trying to squeeze out a last ejaculation before going to bed myself. I knocked twice and waited for her to let me in.
She didn’t.
I waited about fifteen seconds, knocked again, and this time added, “Lex? It’s me. Can we talk?”
“Go away.”
“C’mon, Lex...”
“What do you want?”
“I just want to talk to you.”
There was a short pause before she replied, “It was my fault. I’m sorry for barging in on you. Just go back to your room and jerk off and we’ll forget the whole thing happened, alright?”
I took a deep breath, weighing her wish for me to just go away and forget everything against my concern that we hadn’t actually resolved anything. “Lex, please? Talk to me.”
“We’re talking.”
“Can’t you let me in?”
Silence.
I waited her out, giving her some time to process. Ten seconds turned into twenty, and then thirty. But just when I was about to ask again, the door popped open and Alex stood there with a stricken look on her face. Before I could say a word, she waved me in, and I headed for her desk chair while she closed the door behind me.
My big sister returned to her bed and sat cross-legged atop it, looking at me expectantly. “You wanted to talk? Talk.”
“I just want to make sure everything’s cool between me and you,” I explained. “I couldn’t be sure of that standing on the other side of your door.”
“It’s fine. We’re cool. And if that’s it, I’d like to go to bed now.” Alex gestured for me to leave.
I kept my butt firmly planted in the chair. Arching an eyebrow, I gave her a skeptical look and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” she scoffed. “What’s wrong? EVERYTHING’S wrong! I’ve been cooped up in this fucking house for almost two fucking months, scared of a virus that will quite literally KILL ME if I catch it while half the friends on my Facebook feed are out and about acting as if everything in the world is fucking normal, even though we all know that BOTH of Becky’s grandparents died of this thing, Kevin’s older brother got over it but can’t run FIFTY FEET without getting winded, and now Ashley’s entire family has it! What’s WRONG?!? We’re in the middle of a fucking PANDEMIC, I’ll probably never see half my college friends ever again, I haven’t gotten laid since three days before being sent home, I have NO fucking clue when I’ll be able to even TOUCH another man for the rest of my life, and my little brother has a BIG FUCKING COCK I can’t get out of my fucking MIND! THAT’S what’s wrong!”
For the first half of my sister’s rant, I had been mentally formulating a response that would address her concerns over the uncertainty of the situation, explaining that we were all in this together and that even though Michelle and I didn’t have immune system issues like she did, we would never abandon her and would always be here to take care of her. But then the last part of her rant hit me, and all those coherent statements flew right out the window.
I blinked rapidly, my jaw dropped to the floor, and I just sort of gaped at her like a fish flopping on the deck.
Two seconds later, Alex’s jaw dropped as far as mine had, although she covered it with her mouth and popped her eyes open WIDE, as if in utter shock she’d said those words out loud.
I managed to recover first. “Uh ... well...” I began uncertainly, not sure how to respond but desperate to cover the awkward silence. “Thank you? I think? For the compliment?”
Alex snorted, cracked a smile at my weak joke, but then buried her face in both hands and looked ready to cry.
Seeing my big sister so weak and pathetic, my familial instinct kicked in and I was suddenly out of the chair. I moved to sit beside her and wrapped both arms around her in a fierce hug. She had managed to keep it in so far, but the moment I held her the waterworks started. And she buried her face into my upper chest to cry her poor little heart out.
Wordlessly, I let her shudder and sob while she sagged deeper into my embrace. I adjusted my grip, hugging her tighter. The headboard wasn’t far behind me, and I reclined against it with her pillows supporting my lower back. That allowed Alex to truly rest her head against my chest, and I was able to look down at her, brushing locks of hair back from her pretty face, beautiful even though her expression was one of abject misery.
I don’t know how long she cried, but I held her until she’d let it all out. Even when her sobs went silent, I squeezed my arms, willing her to understand that I loved her. She was my big sister, after all. And after a while, she lapsed into such stillness that I wondered if she’d fallen asleep.
But just when I started to think about how to escape, plotting out how I’d gently lower her head to the pillows and slide myself laterally across her bed, her eyes opened and she looked up at me, my love for her mirrored in her eyes. Yeah, she could be a real bitch sometimes, but I understood the stress she was under and didn’t really hold it against her. I told her with my eyes that I would always be here for her, and I’d like to think she understood.
That’s when she kissed me. One minute, I was smiling down at her, wordlessly just reminding her I was here for her. The next, she had closed the gap between our lips, molded hers around mine, and hummed rapturously as her tongue parted my teeth and pushed in to tease mine.
At first, I responded in kind. I’d kissed quite a few girls over the years and had lots and lots of practice. My arms instinctively pulled her closer to me and I tilted my head to the side to pull my nose out of the way. Alex moaned and scooted up the bed a little closer to get a better angle on me, but as I felt her right hand slide off my belly and start to head further south, I suddenly realized exactly what I was doing, and WHO I was doing it with.
Breaking the kiss, I pulled my head back while my eyes flew open in shock. “Lex? What are we—?” I began in confusion.
Her right hand darted up behind my head and tugged it so that my forehead was pressed against hers. Her eyes closed and she husked in a low voice, “Please?”
That’s it. Just one word, pregnant with all kinds of meaning. She didn’t need more than one word, because I already understood what she was asking. She NEEDED this right now. She needed ME right now. She needed to kiss me and feel love, and was that really so much to ask?
Nodding slowly, I bent my lips to hers and renewed the liplock.