“You dislike crowds as much as I do,” he said once he reached her side. “Another way we are a match.”
“True. I needed a moment to breathe. It is such a crush in there.”
“My sister is a shining success,” Adolphus said. “I am happy for her.”
Agatha gave him a small smile. Charlotte had shared none of her problems with him; of that, Agatha was certain. Adolphus knew nothing of George’s illness, of the strength and steel Charlotte would need to draw upon to navigate the years ahead.
He saw a glittering queen.
And she was a glittering queen. But she was so much more.
Adolphus stepped closer. “It would be nice to be happy for myself as well.”
Agatha did not pretend that she did not understand. “What would our life be like?” she asked. “If we married and I went back home with you?”
He smiled broadly, his chest puffing with pride. “It is probably treason to say this here, but my province is the greatest place in the world. It is exquisitely beautiful, with green fields and glittering lakes. The best people, the best food . . .”
“That sounds nice.”
“It is. I rule, of course, but as my consort you would have certain duties as well. We are more egalitarian there.”
Egalitarian sounded good.
“Most of the wives at court are older than you, but you will like them,” Adolphus continued. “Once you learn the language.”
“Of course,” she murmured. She’d known that would be a requirement.
“And it is good that you are young. It means you can have more children.”
“More children,” she echoed. Dear God. She already had four. She did not want more. She had not enjoyed being pregnant, and she really had not enjoyed giving birth.
Not that anyone did, but she was well aware what a perilous endeavor it was. Charlotte had nearly died giving birth to the new Prince of Wales. It had been terrifying.
And all too common.
“Agatha,” he said, “I will raise the Danbury children as my own. I will care for them as I do you. But you know that I must have an heir of my own. Perhaps two or three.”
“Two or three.” She swallowed. Two or three more children. She did not want two or three more children.
“You can travel with me,” he said happily. “We can even come back here to England every few years if you are worried about missing home. But you will not miss home for long. There will be festivals and balls and charities and—”
“No,” she blurted out. She’d had no idea she was going to say it. It just came from her. Unbidden, but no less true.
“Agatha,” he said, clearly surprised.
“I cannot marry you.” She was realizing the truth of this as she said it. “I am sorry.”
His face betrayed his confusion. “I have made you nervous with so much talk of change.”
“No. I cannot marry you. But only because . . .” And that was when she understood. “I cannot marry anyone.”
He took a step back, an uncomprehending look on his face.
“You are a wonderful man,” she told him. “And when you courted me, something in me was awakened so I felt hopeful. You would have saved me from a thousand different problems. You would have rescued me. You would have listened to me and cared for me.”
“Then let me,” he implored.
She shook her head. “It does not change what I know to be true. I cannot marry you. I cannot marry anyone. I never want to be married again. Adolphus, I have spent my life breathing someone else’s air. I did not know any other way. It is time I learn to breathe all on my own.”
“Agatha,” he said. “Do not do this. You are . . . this is a terrible mistake you are making.”
“Perhaps I am making a terrible mistake. But it is mine to make. I do hope you will forgive me.” She smiled gently and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Goodbye, Adolphus.”
She took a step. And then another. Walking by herself. On her own.
She was her own person.
Finally.
Buckingham House
The Back Entrance
An hour later
It was time to go. It had been a wonderful night, but a momentous one, and Agatha was exhausted. She made her way to her carriage, but before she could step up, she heard the unmistakable voice of the Queen.
“Lady. Danbury.”
Agatha had never heard her use that tone before. Not on her. Not on anyone. She was marching toward her with a purpose and stride that was frankly unsettling.
“Your Majesty,” she said quickly, dropping into a curtsy. “Thank you so much for—”
“You refuse my brother?” Charlotte demanded. “Offer him hope of a union, of happiness, then break his heart? At my ball? In my home?”
Of course Charlotte had been aware that Adolphus had been courting her. Agatha did not recall speaking with her about it specifically, but Adolphus must have done so. And now he must have told her that Agatha had said no.
Agatha’s heart dropped to her knees. Which very nearly buckled. “Your Majesty, I . . .”
“His humor may lack wit,” Charlotte went on. “And yes, his condescension knows no bounds. He is, however, a person of fine character and pure heart and someone in your position could find much worse options, could they not?”
“They could indeed,” Agatha said hastily. “Your Majesty. Please, I beg of you to accept my apology. Tell me . . . what might I do in order to—”
“Adolphus will survive,” Charlotte said curtly. “What concerns me is what I am to do with you.”
“Me?”
“The fact that you did not bring your concerns to me. Your fears regarding your inheritance. Your title. The fate of your family. Of all the families recently titled.”
“How did you know?” Agatha very nearly whispered.
Charlotte raised her brows. “Does it matter?”
“No, of course not.”
“I am Queen. It is my job to know these things. My duty. And I must be able to rely upon my most trusted friends to come to me with honesty and openness.”
Agatha bowed her head. “I apologize, Your Majesty. I only did not wish to place my burden on top of your own. Yours, which seems so . . .”
She did not finish the sentence, so Charlotte prompted her. “So . . . ?”
“One crown is heavy enough,” Agatha said quietly. “But to carry two . . .”
Charlotte did not speak right away. She stared at Agatha with an intensity that made her wonder if she’d made a mistake. She should not have alluded to the King’s troubles, to Charlotte’s impossible responsibilities. She should have been more circumspect.
But then, finally, Charlotte spoke. And when she did, it was with the authority of one who had been born for this very moment.
“We are one crown,” she said. “His weight is mine, and mine is his. One. Crown. We rule for the welfare of our subjects. New and old. Rival and foe. Titled or not. You tell me my palace walls are too high? I tell you they must be. High as the sky if necessary. To protect you, to protect all our worthy subjects.”
Agatha could only stare, feeling that she was somehow witnessing the birth of something great. Something miraculous.
“I suggest you shift your fear to faith. Come to us with your concerns,” Charlotte said, her expression softening slightly. “Directly. To do otherwise would suggest that we are incapable of addressing them. Unless that is what you believe, Lady Danbury?”
Agatha could not speak. This girl—this woman—she was a wonder. She was going to change history. She already had.