If I weren’t feeling so guilty over the fact that I’ve barely had two minutes to spend with him all month anyway—and won’t for the next two days he’s in town, either—I’d be a little miffed over just how excited he is to be leaving me for the summer.
“So, are you guys ever actually going to set a date, or is this just going to be the longest engagement in the history of mankind?” Chaz wants to know.
I choke on the sip of white wine I’ve just taken. I can’t believe he asked that. I mean, it’s refreshing, on the one hand, that someone is actually asking Luke and me—instead of just me—about the engagement for a change. Luke’s the one who always seems to escape this kind of questioning—and who also seems so perfectly content with how things are going, him living in his mother’s doorman building on Fifth Avenue and me living in my hovel on East Seventy-eighth, where I have to answer the door with a lighter and a can of hair spray just in case it’s a rapist and not the UPS man after all.
And okay, true, I still can’t even think about my own wedding without telltale hives showing up—oh God! There’s one on the inside of my elbow now!
But still. Why is it that when it comes to the wedding planning, people always ask the bride how it’s going and never the groom? My family’s been hounding me for months. I haven’t heard a peep out of the de Villierses about it. Are any of them throwing me showers or engagement parties? Um, no. At least my family’s offered. Even though I’ve turned them all down, since I’m too busy with work even to think about that kind of thing.
And I seem to break into hives at the mere mention of the word “engagement.”
“Charles,” Valencia says.
That’s the other thing about Valencia. She calls Chaz Charles. No one calls Chaz Charles. Except his parents.
Chaz can’t stand his parents.
“No, no, it’s okay,” Luke says, after slurping down one of the Caraquets. “Of course we’re going to set a date. We were thinking September, right, Lizzie?”
I stare at him in total astonishment. This is—literally—the first I’ve heard of this. “We were?”
“Well, that’s when there’s an opening in the rental schedule at Mirac,” Luke says. “And it won’t be too hot then. And that’s when most of my parents’ friends will be back from their summer places. We want to make sure they can come, because they’re the ones who are going to pony up with the best gifts.” He winks at me.
I continue to stare at him. I have no idea what he’s talking about. I mean, I do, but I can’t believe he’s saying it. Out loud.
“And that should give you plenty of time to start planning things,” he goes on. “Three months is enough time, right?”
I look down. It’s amazing. But there’s another hive popping up inside my other elbow.
“I… ” I can’t stop staring at the angry red welts in the romantic restaurant lighting. The walls are red. Just like Valencia’s dress. Just like my hives. “I don’t know. I guess. But… don’t you have to be back for school?”
“I can miss the first couple weeks of classes,” Luke says with a shrug. “It’s no big deal.”
Something in his tone causes me to look up from my hives—there are two new ones—and into his face.
“Wait,” I say. “You are going back to school in the fall. Aren’t you, Luke?”
“Of course.” Luke grins at me, that handsome, easy smile that so enchanted me from that first moment I met him on the train to Sarlat. “Lizzie… you look like something just went down the wrong way. Is everything all right?”
“She’s been working too hard,” Chaz says, speaking for the first time since popping his most unwelcome question. “Look at her. She’s got those dark circles under her eyes.”
I fling my hands to my face, horrified. “I do not!”
“Charles,” Valencia says again, grinning. Her teeth are perfectly white and even. I wonder how she has time for tenure-tracking between flossing.
“Does she even sleep anymore?” Chaz wants to know.
“She’s like a machine,” Luke says. “I’ve never seen anybody work so hard.”
“Of course I’m working hard,” I say, flinging open my handbag and digging through it for my compact mirror. “It’s June! What do you think happens in June? That’s when people get married. Normal people, I mean, who actually talk about when they’re going to get married, instead of avoiding the subject like it’s a ticking bomb that has to be defused the way we do, Luke. I’ve been working on twenty gowns, all at the same time. I’m trying to start a name for myself, you know. Single-handedly, I might add, since my boss has been out sick for the past half a year. And having you guys tell me I have circles under my eyes and that I work too hard totally doesn’t help!”
“Lizzie,” Chaz says. I can see him staring at me from behind the compact, which I hold up to check on the circles. “I’m totally teasing you. You look beautiful. As always.”
“Really, Lizzie,” Luke says. He picks up another oyster and swallows it without chewing. “What happened to your sense of humor?”
“She’s terribly solipsistic, isn’t she?” I hear Valencia murmur, though I know she hadn’t meant me to. I’ll have to look up the word “solipsistic” later.
I feel tears prick the corners of my eyes. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But I do know I want to kill everyone at the table. I really do.
Starting with Valencia.
“And the only reason I don’t talk about the wedding,” Luke goes on, “is that you always seem to stress out about it so much whenever I bring it up. I know your family wants to have it at their house. I also know you’d rather die… but you can’t seem to figure out how to tell them that. So I thought it would be better for me to leave it alone until you figure it all out for yourself. That’s it. It’s not that I don’t want to marry you anymore, or anything like that, you knucklehead.”
Luke reaches over, drags me toward him, and kisses me on top of my head. I keep my gaze on the tabletop. I’m afraid that if I look up, everyone will see the tears—and shame—in my eyes.
I can’t believe I wanted to kill him.
Also that I still sort of want to.
I don’t even know why. Or what’s wrong with me. Oh God.
What’s wrong with me?
“Aw,” Chaz says about the kiss. “That is just so sweet.”
“Shut up, Chaz,” I say, still not meeting anyone’s gaze.
“Yeah, shut up, Chaz,” Luke says. He’s grinning again and helping himself to another oyster.
“So, September,” Valencia says. “That’s quite soon, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know about September,” I say, digging through my purse again. I’m looking for my lip gloss. “I have a couple of gowns due in September. I don’t know if I’ll have them ready in time… let alone my own gown.” The words “my own gown” cause my stomach to give a lurch. If there’d been anything but wine in it, I’m pretty sure it would have come up.
“Lizzie,” Luke says in a warning voice.
“Well, what do you want me to do, Luke?” I ask, knowing I sound petulant, but not caring. “I’m just saying, things are going really well at the shop and if it keeps up like this, September should be a busy time for me as well—”
“When isn’t a busy time for you?” Luke wants to know. “I feel like I hardly ever see you anymore.”
“Well, you’re not exactly Mr. Availability yourself, taking a job in Paris for the summer,” I snap.
“Hey now, kids,” Chaz says. “Can’t we all just get along?”
“I took that job for us,” Luke says. “To pay for our wedding.”
“Oh, right,” I say. “A wedding we’re having at your house, apparently. Which is a vineyard. The booze and venue are already paid for. How much can it cost? Stop using the cost of the wedding as an excuse for why you’re leaving.”
Luke stares at me. “Hey,” he says, looking hurt. “Where’d that come from?”
The truth is, I have no idea. I really don’t. I just know the words are out there, floating around, already said.