“Lizzie,” Shari says, closing the door behind her. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I say, keeping my gaze on my feet.
“Yes, you do,” Shari says. “Are you on those drugs my dad prescribed you? Because if you are, I want you to stop taking them. I thought they’d help, not send you into a complete break with reality. I mean, sleeping with Chaz? Have you lost your mind? What about Luke?”
Tears fill my eyes. I look up, only to find that Jo’s mom, Marmee, is staring down at me with an even more accusing look than her daughter. Why, oh, why, had Grandma and Grandpa insisted on sending me a Madame Alexander doll for every birthday and Christmas until I turned sixteen? There are just so many of them, all looking down at us.
“It’s… it’s not like that,” I say, my voice catching. “I never even took any of those pills.”
“Then what the hell is going on, Lizzie?” Shari demands. She crosses the room in a single step and sinks down on the bed beside me. “Because this isn’t like you. And don’t try to deny it’s going on, because it’s written all over both your faces—beard burn not withstanding. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve always thought you and Chaz would make a great couple. I’ll admit the whole Mae Lin thing was to make you jealous. I knew you’d never realize how great Chaz was until you saw him with another girl—a real girl, not a fembot like Valencia. I knew how he felt about you—it was totally obvious. He couldn’t talk about anything but you. It’s true you were the one thing he and I still had in common, but no guy talks about a girl that much unless he’s crazy about her. Which he all but admitted to me. You were the one I wasn’t too sure about.”
I shake my head. “What do you mean, Mae Lin was to make me jealous? What are you talking about?”
“Well, it worked, didn’t it? You were jealous, right? I couldn’t believe how you stomped over there and picked a fight with the poor guy the minute Mae Lin and Valencia went downstairs. He had no idea what was going on. Oh my God, I nearly wet my pants I was laughing so hard.”
Now I’m a little mad. Also a little stunned by Shari’s underhandedness. She’s been my best friend since forever. But I had no idea she was capable of this kind of duplicity.
“Shari,” I say. “That’s so mean. You were plotting all along to fix me up with your ex, when you knew perfectly well I’m engaged? To his best friend? And you used some poor girl from your office to do it?”
“Oh, whatever,” Shari says, making a pooh-poohing gesture. “Mae Lin’s dating a hot paramedic. She was willing to play along. But I never thought you’d actually fall into bed with the guy before breaking up with your fiancé. At your grandmother’s funeral. What are you doing? Have you completely lost it?”
I glare at her. I’m pretty sure I look every bit as accusing—and disapproving—as the Madame Alexander dolls above our heads.
“For your information,” I say, “I was not jealous of Mae Lin. And who I sleep with behind my fiancé’s back at my grandmother’s funeral is my business.”
“Well, excuse me,” Shari says, looking taken aback. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. You or Chaz.”
“Oh,” I say, unable to keep from letting out a bitter laugh. “Now you’re worried about Chaz’s feelings?”
“Hey.” Shari narrows her eyes at me. “That’s not fair. You know I loved him.”
“Well,” I say. “So do I.”
“Do you?” Shari wants to know. “Well, then why are you still wearing Luke’s ring on your finger?”
“I have some things I still need to figure out,” I admit, uncomfortably pressing my left hand into the mattress so neither of us can see my ring finger. “I’m not saying I have all the answers just yet, Shari. I feel like I’m barely hanging on, as a matter of fact. But I know I love him, and I think I always have.”
“What about Luke?” Shari demands.
“I’m doing the best I can, okay? Luke’s in France,” I say. “I’ll wait until he gets back to figure out what’s going on—or not—between the two of us. In the meantime… well, engaged isn’t married, you know,” I add. “Or dead.” I’m a little startled to find myself parroting Gran’s words. But what more appropriate place to do it, I realize, than after her funeral.
Shari looks at me as if she were seeing me for the first time. Maybe in a way she is. She shakes her head and asks, “Did you ever look up what solipsistic means?”
“Yes,” I say indignantly. “And it’s not true. I’m not extremely preoccupied with indulging my own feelings and desires. If I were, I’d never have moved out of Luke’s Fifth Avenue apartment, much less looked twice at Chaz. He’s a poor graduate student, whereas Luke’s a rich prince, remember?”
Shari, to my relief, lets out a laugh. The Madame Alexander dolls look startled.
“That’s true,” she says. And she reaches over and takes my hand, the one with the engagement ring still on it. “Oh, Lizzie. Be careful. You’re playing with fire here.”
“Me?” I raise my eyebrows. “You’re the one who just admitted you hired a girl from your office on purpose to flirt with Chaz to try to make me jealous!”
“But I thought you’d do the right thing and break up with Luke first,” Shari cries. “Not start sleeping with Chaz during your grandmother’s funeral. Not that it isn’t a fitting tribute to her, one she’d have gotten a huge kick out of. Still. I’m just worried someone’s going to get hurt. And I’m afraid it’s going to be you.”
I squeeze her hand. “I’m a big girl now, Share,” I say. “I can take care of myself.”
But as we make our way back downstairs, I wonder if that’s really true. Can I? It’s true I’m living on my own for the first time ever. I’m supporting myself, running my own business (well, practically), and at any given time spinning a dozen plates in the air at once. If I dropped just one, the whole thing would come tumbling down in a mess like no one would believe…
So what am I doing, having this torrid affair with my fiancé’s best friend?
And it is torrid, I realize when I walk into the living room and notice him standing there waiting for me, and my heart slams into my ribs as it always seems to whenever I see him. I’m not going to escape from this unscathed. None of us are, I know.
But when Chaz lifts his head and I feel that electric shock that always seems to go through me lately when I look in his direction and his gaze meets mine, I realize I don’t care. I don’t care what’s going to happen. As long as we can be together…
For now.
For however long now lasts.
F lowers have always played an important role in weddings, since the very first recorded marriage ceremonies in ancient Greece, where they were used to make a crown for the bride to wear as a gift of nature. Floral wreaths and garlands were often used in ancient ceremonies to bind couples together in lieu of rings.
Different herbs and flowers—such as garlic flowers as well as bulbs—were often carried to ward off evil spirits. Evil spirits, of course, are not the only ones who’d be warded off if brides today started carrying garlic bulbs.
Tip to Avoid a Wedding Day Disaster
It’s traditional to give your wedding guests a favor by which to remember the day. This is a centuries-old practice that stems from the French habit of giving bonbonnieres, or sugared almonds, to departing guests. Today’s couples tend to choose candles or, if you really want to bring on the bling, rhinestone sunglasses.
LIZZIE NICHOLS DESIGNS™
• Chapter 17 •
In all of the wedding cake, hope is the sweetest of plums.
Douglas Jerrold (1803–1857), English dramatist
I am standing with my forehead resting against the wide glass window overlooking the planes landing and taking off on the tarmac in front of me. Chaz and I have flown commercially out of Ann Arbor and are waiting for our connecting flight to LaGuardia from Detroit.