“What the hell are you doing? You goddamn perv!” My nipples puckered with sudden exposure, but missing whatever he was looking for, his eyes continued south. Mortified, I snarled, “Is this how you get your kicks? Get off me! Let me go!”
“It has to be here,” he said in a steely voice.
He looked down at my belly button, just above my floral cotton thong. I was lacking whatever item was on his scavenger-hunt list and his eyes traveled back up.
“Where is it?” he growled.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I yanked on my wrists angrily, which only made my breasts sway under his sharp eyes.
That’s when things changed.
Caught by the movement of my breasts, his eyes dropped to them. They lingered reluctantly. Heated against his will. He wanted to fight his attraction to me but couldn’t, which suddenly had that absurd heat curling in my lower abdomen again. What was that? Was that my own heart fluttering in response? Was he going to touch me?
The thought was making my blood thicken, which was really confusing, considering I thought he’d been trying to kill me in my dream. My sense of helplessness and naïveté infused the strange energy swirling between us. Reluctantly, Ryder pulled the T-shirt back down over my breasts and took a deep breath.
As I thought about it, he’d only been trying to contain me in this physical scuffle. He’d been trying not to hurt me.
His eyes turned angrily impatient, as though he’d caught himself doing something he wasn’t supposed to. He looked into my eyes searchingly and snarled, “Open your mind.”
“What? What does that even mean?”
“You built a wall in your mind. A brick wall. Tear it down.”
“A wall?” I flashed back to the previous night, when I’d been at the club with all the voices swarming in my brain. I’d looked at the wall and imagined it containing the noise. I could see the wall in my mind when I shut my eyes. Holy cow! That was some serious Twilight Zone shit. But how could he see it?
“Make it go away,” he commanded. “I need to trust you again.”
“Trust me? Really? Why should I care if you trust me?” I was untrustworthy? Why? What had I ever done but work my ass off just to stay afloat? The insults were just adding up to one big hurt, and I glared up at him, fighting tears. I couldn’t find a guy who was normal. Noooo. I had to find a guy who could read minds or go into people’s dreams or some shit like that. I had to find the guy who thought I was some kind of...I didn’t even know. I had really liked him too. It hurt to feel stupid. I had no idea who he thought I was or what he thought I was doing, except that it was somehow really bad.
“Do it!” he said harshly, his lips set in a severe line.
I stared at him a moment, wondering when my world was going to right itself again. Then I closed my eyes, feeling deep sadness, and imagined a stick of dynamite in the wall. Might as well break it down in style, right? It went off and the bricks blew satisfyingly into smithereens. I opened my eyes again and met his intense green stare. He looked searchingly at me, and I suddenly thought about how Cynthia had done that every so often over the last year. Was she able to read minds too?
That cold feeling of dread poured through me. I suddenly just...knew. She’d had access to my mind and never said anything to me. Did she think I was a criminal of some sort too? Why had she become my “friend”? What the hell was going on here? Nick, Cynthia and Ryder were all in this together.
I felt like such a fooclass="underline" embarrassed that perfect, straight-as-an-arrow Cynthia had possibly been rolling her eyes at my naïveté when I had truly considered her my friend, sorrowful that my insulated world was cracked and no longer a place of comfort and well-being, hurt that I’d been so dumb as to believe things could all work out for a girl like me with a guy like Ryder. Not that I was picking out china patterns or anything, but just some normal dating kind of stuff with a guy I was attracted to would’ve been nice. Stupid, stupid, stupid. When could I go lick my wounds?
She had probably been pretending, just like lover boy here. Boy, I could really pick the people in my life, couldn’t I? Were they some hidden sect of society that was all secretive that we regular, stupid humans weren’t even aware of? Were they the all-powerful mind-reading sect who would one day take over the world?
“No, we aren’t going to take over the world,” Ryder said. He sounded tired. His body seemed drained of energy, and he rested his head on my forehead with his eyes closed, as though the act of delving into my mind had sapped some of his energy. “I had to know.”
“Am I in the clear?” I asked sarcastically.
“I still don’t know how you did it, but you’re in the clear.”
“I’ve never even heard of that stuff, of course, being from the trailer park. We don’t get no book learnin’ ’bout no scientifical stuff.”
“I’m so tired of this war,” he murmured, more to himself. “Mylunate has been the source of our growth as a culture, but it’s also been the cause of so many of my people dying in war.”
“Yeah. Whatever. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Next you’re going to tell me you’re from another planet.” I tugged at my wrists. He still wouldn’t let them loose.
“Taylor—” His deep voice was like sandpaper. Remorse and confusion tinged his proud features, along with lines of strain around his eyes and by his mouth. “I thought you were one of them. Betrayal and treason have become part of the water I swim in. You don’t understand what’s going on, but in time I’ll be able to explain.”
His eyes were suddenly so soulful and...sad. No, no, no. I couldn’t let him do this to me. I wanted to stay mad. I couldn’t be vulnerable to him. I needed to strengthen my resolve.
“Just, please...trust me? There are lives at stake. Please know that there are reasons beyond what you understand. This isn’t about you.” He watched for my reaction as though it somehow mattered. I squeezed my eyes shut, frustration washing over me. Against my will, my brain latched on to his request.
Trust. He wanted me to trust him. Was he trustworthy? He’d helped me at the club the other night with the guy and the roving hand, and he’d gone into my apartment for me, not even knowing if he was going into a dangerous situation. When I really looked up into his eyes, there was pain there. It wasn’t just that I saw the pain, but somehow I could feel it, and it was deep and dark. He seemed lost.
There it went. Done. My heart softened. I released a quivery breath and looked at him again.
Just like that, I felt the need to soothe those lines of worry, kiss them away and tell him I wasn’t one of the ones who would betray him. The sigh came from deep within my soul, filled with resignation.
And so began the stupid melting process.
Anyone can do anything to me, and if they’re sorry for it, I let them have another go at hurting me some more. Pretty sick, isn’t it? Always looking for approval from someone. It’s part of what makes me so dysfunctional and pathetic.
“It’s part of what makes you beautiful,” he said in his deep, growly voice, reading my surrender. My startled eyes flew to his.
Oh, yeah. He could read my mind now.
And it was kind of sexy how he just did that.
An awareness of his body pressed against mine started the butterflies in my lower regions. The sweetest desire settled over me with gentle shivers and a slow simmer in private places. I breathed in the newness of it, unable to break from his pale eyes. The veins of gold that braided through the green grew darker. They flared with heat. They turned hungry as he inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring.