"Forcing you to become Buddha doesn’t prejudice the experiment?"
"The Buddha was entirely human. Anyway, the Balrog isn’t forcing me to become anything. It’s accelerating certain parts of the process, but I’ve taken every crucial step on my own. That’s the way it had to be, or the effort would have been wasted." I put my hand on hers. "You’ll have the same opportunity, Festina. I can see you think your whole life has been a lie — that you’re a rat running through someone else’s maze. But you’ve always had choices. Real choices with real consequences. They have to let you choose, or the rest is pointless."
"I thought you said they nudged me to become what I am. They bred me, they birthed me, they controlled me…"
"They didn’t control you," I said. "They influenced you. They arranged for you to be raised in a certain culture. But look at it this way, Festina: ultimately, you have the League of Peoples, the most powerful beings in the universe, ensuring you have free will and a free choice. They can’t let anyone mess with you. They can guide you to the entrance of one rat maze after another, but once you’re inside, they can’t interfere. They can’t. Past a point, they have to keep their hands off." I brushed her cheek, pretending not to see a tear in the corner of her eye. "We hold the missing pieces, Festina — you, me, and the other Explorers. The League of Peoples needs us; they can’t fulfill themselves without us."
"Just what I want," Festina said, easing me away and lowering me to the sand. "To fluff the League of Peoples because they can’t get it up themselves. Damn!"
She turned, took a few steps, and kicked at a loose stone lying on the beach. Kicked it hard. The stone was lifted off the ground and sent flying to the edge of the lake, plopping loudly into the shallows. Small fish fled from the noise; larger fish swam closer to see if it might be food. "You realize what you’ve done?" Festina asked. "I didn’t want to be a god, but you’ve made me one anyway. Prometheus, for Christ’s sake! You think I’m predestined to live out a legend… so even if I dodge ascension here on Muta, it doesn’t matter because I’m already halfway up Olympus."
Her voice was so bitter, I wanted to touch her, comfort her… but she was too far away, and if I dragged myself toward her, she’d just pull away. "If it helps," I said, "there’s always a chance I’m wrong. This could be disinformation planted by the Balrog to hide something else."
"Do you think that’s likely?"
I shrugged. Some time in the preceding moments, I’d gone back to speaking for myself rather than having words thrust into my mouth. Hard to tell when it had happened; the line between me and the Balrog was no longer easy to identify.
Odd that I didn’t feel dismayed — merging with a creature who was slowly devouring me and who’d darkened my life long before Zoonau. The oozing mess on my cheek… had it really been an accident by careless gene engineers, or had spores sneaked into the lab where I was created and subtly altered the embryo? I couldn’t be sure, but I suspected the Balrog was responsible for making me an Ugly Screaming Stink-Girl.
Yet I didn’t feel anger or outrage. After a lifetime of smarting at injustice, I was relieved to think my disfigurement wasn’t random mischance or bad karma. My cheek looked that way for a reason.
I found that comforting.
"Enough," said Festina. "Enough of this shit. We’ve got work to do."
"Whatever you’ve got in mind," Li grumbled, "I hope to God there’s no more walking."
"You can rest where you are if you like," Festina answered. "But time’s getting short. According to the Bumbler, we’re damned near full of Stage One microbes. We have to get the station working fast."
"What does the Bumbler see inside the station?" I asked.
Festina played with the little machine for a few seconds, then shook her head. "Nothing. The place is shielded against scans, just like buildings in Drill-Press. I’ll have to go in blind."
She started toward the entrance. I called after her, "You aren’t going alone, are you?"
"Just thought I’d take a peek while you people caught your breath."
"I’m not out of breath," I told her. I began to crawl toward her, sand rasping beneath my body. Suddenly, arms wrapped around me, picking me up. Ubatu. She gave me a quick little hug before carrying me easily across the beach. "See?" I told Festina. "I can get around just fine."
"Youn Suu," Festina said, "this isn’t going to work. No matter how strong Ubatu may be, she can’t move quickly with you weighing her down. Besides, she’s injured. And you’re injured. You’re both liabilities I can’t afford. I have to go in alone."
"Not a chance," I said. "You’ll need me inside. I’m sure."
"Why? What’s inside?"
"I don’t know. That’s why you’ll need me. I have to see what’s in there before I can help you."
"If you get in my way, we all might die."
"If you go in without me, you’ll be out of your depth."
She glared at me. "Why? Because you’re an enlightened Buddhist know-it-all, and I’m not?"
"Because every mythic hero needs some brainy beauty to explain how to kill the hydra or escape the labyrinth."
Festina made a face. "I’ve always considered myself the brainy beauty."
"No, you haven’t. Neither have I. We grew up thinking we were Ugly Screaming Stink-Girls… which is ridiculous, because we are brainy beauties. But now I’m wise as well as brainy, so you need me. Western heroes never wise up till it’s too late, and everyone else is dead. Just ask Oedipus. Or Hamlet."
"Just you wait," Festina said. "When this mission is over, I’m going to study Eastern mythology so I can make cheap-ass put-downs about your metaphysical shortcomings."
"Ooooomph!" Ubatu yelled. Or some similar sound of loud urgency.
Festina looked around as if there might be some looming danger, but Li (who’d followed on our heels and eavesdropped) said, "She’s trying to tell you, for God’s sake, shut up! Eastern, Western, this, that, as if those are the only two options!"
"Mph!" Ubatu said, nodding.
"And as if," Li went on, "Eastern and Western haven’t interbred to the point where the two can’t be separated. Look at me — my father came from a colony that was mostly Chinese, my mother from one that was mostly Belgian, but both planets were so thoroughly mainstream Technocracy, the only difference was the street names. I suppose you people were raised on Fringe Worlds that still cling to vestiges of your original ethnicities; but let me tell you, the Technocracy Core is the proverbial melting pot. Everyone is a mongrel, and the lifestyles mongrelized too. East and West have blended with African, Polynesian, Aboriginal, and Inuit… not to mention Divian, Cashling, Fasskister, and all the other alien cultures in our neighborhood. So don’t give me East and West. The terms are meaningless. At least they are now. Maybe back in Confucius’s day…"
"Ooooomph!" Ubatu yelled again. Her arms clenched around me. For a moment, I thought she’d use me as weapon to smack Li across the face. But the impulse passed; her grip relaxed back to normal.
"Behave, you two," Festina snapped. "Behave, or I really will make you wait outside."
She turned and walked toward the station. When the rest of us followed, she said nothing.
CHAPTER 18
Bodhichitta [Sanskrit]: The awakened heart/mind/spirit. Every living creature already possesses bodhichitta. The purpose of skillful practice is to remove klesha (poisons) that prevent one’s bodhichitta from making itself known.