THE BOSS: What?! After all that? Now I’ve heard it all. I’ve had to be on your case for weeks now, and you want a raise?
ZAUDERER: Yes, Herr Director. I really didn’t want to bother you, sir, but I can’t get by on my salary. I was just trying to ask for more money.
THE BOSS: It confounds me how you could have imagined any such thing. A raise? Now? In these times? And you of all people! Incomprehensible!
ZAUDERER: Herr Director, I thought … well … I just wanted to ask whether, perhaps … but please try to understand that on this salary I can’t make ends meet.
THE BOSS: My dear Herr Zauderer, let me tell you something: a pay raise is completely out of the question. First of all, now is simply not the time; secondly, I’m thoroughly unsatisfied with your performance of late; and thirdly, I should tell you that it is only out of special consideration for you that I have refrained from letting you go.
ZAUDERER (slightly insulted): Well, then I should probably move on. I had hoped that you, Herr Director, would understand me a bit better. If how hard I work is not good enough for you, I guess I’ll just have to give up my post here at your company.
THE BOSS (placatingly): Don’t talk nonsense, Zauderer. I told you I have nothing against you personally. But don’t be foolish, why would you not want to stay here with me? You’re certainly not going to find a job anywhere else these days.
ZAUDERER (plaintively): Yes, Herr Director, please forgive me, but since I’ve been here I’ve been treated unjustly. Herr Meier, who joined the firm at the same time I did, already earns seventy marks more.
THE BOSS: And so? Salary adjustments are my concern. My dear fellow, a word of advice. Do your job with Herr Meier’s accuracy and reliability, and you won’t feel like you are being treated unjustly.
ZAUDERER: Yes, but I do…
THE BOSS (interrupting): On that note, I think we can bring an end to this conversation. Good morning!
ZAUDERER (deflated): Good morning.
A door slams.
THE SKEPTIC (sarcastic laughter): Well, what did I tell you? That’s the way it goes when you ask for a raise these days. Has this scene sufficiently convinced you, sir?
THE SPEAKER: No. We’ve just heard a textbook case of virtually all the mistakes an employee can make in a conversation with his boss.
THE SKEPTIC: What mistakes? The boss refused and that was the end of it.
THE SPEAKER: No. The conversation lasted four minutes. Do you know how many mistakes Herr Zauderer made? At least seven!
THE SKEPTIC: Such as?
THE SPEAKER: First off, the dumbest thing you can do is to ask for something when the boss already has reason to be miffed. Second, if you notice that the boss is in a bad mood, don’t keep harping on the salary issue. Third, when speaking with the boss, you can’t be perpetually shy, fearful, and submissive. Never be impolite or arrogant. One must maintain one’s dignity. But stay on point and speak your mind. Fourth: Herr Zauderer responded to the criticism from his boss by passing the blame onto a colleague. This is unfair and makes a poor impression. Fifth: Herr Zauderer addresses the question of the pay raise in terms of his needs alone. The boss is interested in his business, not in the private life of his employees. Sixth: a very stupid maneuver: Herr Zauderer threatens to quit when he sees he’s lost the cause. The boss knows, of course, that there is no chance Herr Zauderer can seriously consider walking away. It is most inept of Herr Zauderer to insist on playing the injured party. It never works. And finally, seventh: the word unjust is never appropriate. A boss does not let himself be told to which employee he will give more or less pay. That is his concern. It is inappropriate for Herr Zauderer to speak to him about other employees’ salaries. So, that’s what I would say about the scene you have just shown me.
THE SKEPTIC (a bit unsettled): Very well, I’m willing to admit that Herr Zauderer did not conduct himself with much finesse. But how could it be done any better?
THE SPEAKER: Perhaps Herr Frisch can show us. He is, after all, the man who accomplishes everything he sets out to do. He’ll look for ways to avoid mistakes and maybe he’ll even play a few aces, those special trump cards every employee holds in his deck. Let’s visit him in his office. Could this be Herr Frisch? Good day, Herr Frisch.
FRISCH: Good day.
THE SPEAKER: Would you like to show us, Herr Frisch, how you would go about getting a raise?
FRISCH: I’ll give it a shot. Whether it’ll work out or not, who knows. But there’s no harm in trying.
THE SKEPTIC: Now I’m curious. How much do you earn, Herr Frisch?
FRISCH: Three hundred and fifty marks, forty of which go to taxes and insurance.
THE SKEPTIC: And you think you can get even more? What do you do for a living?
FRISCH: Head of accounting at a wholesale knitwear company.
THE SKEPTIC: And what is the salary you want to make?
FRISCH: Four hundred and fifty marks, which would mean I’d net around 400.
THE SKEPTIC: So that’s a thirty percent raise!
FRISCH: That’s right. No harm in trying. Quiet now, I’m going in to see the boss.
A knock.
THE BOSS: Come in.
FRISCH: Good morning, Herr Director.
THE BOSS: Morning. What’s the good word, my dear Frisch?
FRISCH: May I trouble you for a moment?
THE BOSS: What is it then, nothing unpleasant I hope? Have you uncovered more irregularities?
FRISCH: May I be seated? Thank you. — No, the new account entries have gone through without a hitch. Every order from the warehouse now gets its own entry and must be signed by the manager. No shipment is authorized unless I have a copy.
THE BOSS: So, you think this will prevent us from being cheated again?
FRISCH: Absolutely. The entire bookkeeping department would have to be made up of swindlers.
THE BOSS (with satisfaction): Well, we certainly don’t need to worry about that, thank goodness.
FRISCH: Indeed we don’t.
THE BOSS: But doesn’t the new bookkeeping system entail increased delays? You know, it’s even more important now that our deliveries move as fast as possible.
FRISCH: Quite the opposite, Herr Director. I’ve just spoken with shipping. It’s now going faster than before. With my method, confirmations are no longer necessary.
THE BOSS: Let’s hope so. In any case it was very sensible of you to take care of the shipping.
FRISCH: Yes, and I’ll continue to.
THE BOSS: Excellent. Is that all that you wanted to tell me?
FRISCH: No, if you wouldn’t mind, there’s a personal matter I’d like to discuss.
THE BOSS: What? Does it have to be now? As you can see, my desk is covered with mail. I still haven’t had a chance to open it.
FRISCH: I’m sorry about that. I won’t keep you. Anyway, the men from the new factory in Zwickau are coming soon and there isn’t time. We’ll have to do some in-depth negotiating with them so I’ve left my evening free.
THE BOSS: Yes indeed, very important. I’ve got a lot riding on this deal. We must get it done.
FRISCH: You can count on me, Herr Director.
THE BOSS: Great, so what’s on your mind?
FRISCH: Right. I’d like to ask for a raise.
THE BOSS: Well, excuse me, now you’re bringing this up? How very curious.
FRISCH: I’m sorry to surprise you, but I think my work is worth more than you’ve been paying me.
THE BOSS: I don’t get you. You know very well that we are constantly letting people go, that we employ twenty-five percent more personnel that we can actually afford, and now you’re telling me you want a raise?