“But what is the code?”
“Just keep coming down here,” I demand.
“Why won’t you tell it to me now?”
“I will work at my own pace.”
“I am in a hurry though,” he pushes.
“You will wait.”
He quiets, and I can tell he has consented, but only because has no choice. He will get the code when he deserves it. Not on my own, surely, but with his help, I’ll climb up through those vents and into my freedom.
MIKE A KORVINKÖZBŐL
February 20, 1965
Dear Uncle Lanci,
You professed to aid me, and yet there is no aid occurring. I have liasoned with Eszter and it’s to no use. I even gave inward and brought her a radio. Each time I adventure forth to her, she does not compose sense. And yet you exclaim that she holds the code to the freedom I am so abundantly seeking. I do not comprehend why you cannot write me the code since we are now deliberating in secret. I know the secrecy you bear, but at this junction, does it matter? You will maybe be surprised to know that jamming has been brought forth on the radio now. Do you understand? Your code will not go forward if the jamming makes continuous.
I am feeling the anger now since I know that Eszter may not have many weeks to live. Are you aware of her trial? I have shits that the regime is abusing her as an example because they want us to know that they will combat the counterrevolutionaries still. She makes appearances that she does not care for their maneuverings at all. It’s like she already gave into dying.
They even made a print of her circumstances in the paper, and when I saw it I wanted to throw up the context of my insides. At this junction, now all my actions are stooped in illegal. Even when I returned home, my petite Adrienne was making a discussion of Eszter’s trial, and Father made an explanation that it was a monster sham the government would utilize for our fear. When I turned the color of paper at his phrasing, he turned to me and said I should not make a fear because I harbored too much weakness to ever get up caught in their masses. I yelled at Father, but I postponed myself from going beyond, because I knew he would see soon that I am not weak. I am the one holding this family in the reins to bring Mom back.
When Father returned to his room, Adrienne—who is so petite, but so smart—asked to partake in my plans to discover Mom. I declined her, but she got this absurd expression on her face, like she thought she was above me. Now that, Uncle Lanci, is a fearful (yet impending) notion. Adrienne said that she had made a peek into my letters and knew that I was making interactions with Eszter to find Mom. Why do I even make attempts to conceal a thing from Adrienne? She is more smart every day, and I felt angered but also proud that she made a successful spy.
Then she made a one hundred percent bolder move and declared she had most rights to meet Anika. In an instance I knew I had to make a compromise, at the least. I would never expose her to Eszter or to the peril of my journey to Munich. So I granted her the win to meet Anika.
We could not go to a bar, because I do not care how much Adrienne is growing, I will not give her the view into alcohol yet. We made an accompaniment with Anika to a restaurant that had spaghetti, since Adrienne is more picky than someone with her wits should be.
When Adrienne greeted Anika, I swear that Anika had laughter amongst her eyes. “I have heard so much about you,” Anika said.
“Of course, you have. And I have been anticipating meeting you too,” Adrienne burst. How did we, Father and I, manage to raise such a bold girl? Father, with his mostly silence, and me, with my pent-in frustration, could not subsume responsibility for Adrienne. I wonder if her life was so hard that she became brave because of it. Or maybe she was never made to feel small or useless because of her words. In which case, maybe I should make a congratulation to myself.
Anyway, at Adrienne’s silly boldness, Anika appeared taken backward, but she laughed and laughed and made a kiss on Adrienne’s cheek.
“Let’s eat the whole restaurant,” I spouted to show my enthusiasm too.
Adrienne chirped yes and sat right down at the most proximal table. At dinner, she went forth discussing her achievements in school and Anika listened with her one hundred percent. My heart grew monstrous watching this because I made an understanding how giving Anika is. Also, only someone who is in love with me would be so willing to listen to my petite sister with so much intention. That’s right, Uncle Lanci, I am not of fear to say that Anika is in love with me.
I made a misshapen, though, because I did not provide Adrienne with a lecture on what she can, and cannot, discuss. This is especially important in regards to Eszter. Adrienne could sense this, and she had her personal agenda in mind, of course.
“Did you know Mike is making attempts to escape the country?” Adrienne said, then smiled so devious I made a delivery of a kick into her shins.
“These are all not facts yet. It’s just a fantasy,” I said.
“He’s lying. He’s so bold to do it,” Adrienne said, like she was telling upon me. I realized she was making attempts to abolish my plans, by informing someone who could stop me of them.
“You are right, Adrienne, your brother is bold,” Anika said in the sweetest tone. I admire her calmness in this situation. How in this universe did I receive the luck to have this angel specimen make adoration of me? Adrienne, though, she was making me more angered.
“He’s going to try to take the Eszter woman with him,” Adrienne said. “She knows a code on the radio to flee the country.”
I made a force to interject now and said, “Adrienne, that is enough. What has become of you?”
“If you aren’t going to take me, you can’t go.” This petite, wobbly frown overcame Adrienne’s face as she crissed her arms. So that was just it, Uncle Lanci, she did not want me to abandon her. This made a break of my heart. If she thinks that her own brother, who shows her most love, would leave her, then she will think others will too. How will she ever fall in love and make a relationship? Oh, this makes killings of me, and I honestly would like to rethink if this is a strong idea for me to go. What are your most thoughts, Uncle Lanci? Oh, why do I even make inquiries of you? You have such nothing information for me.
My desperation has transfixed into confusion. If I go, I leave Adrienne, and if I don’t go, I cannot bring back the mom that abandoned her. Do you comprehend, Uncle Lanci, that more than anything, I want Adrienne to see that love doesn’t leave you forever. She must understand there is permanence in love, that it may get lost for so long, too long, but it is always there, no matter what.
I sit here knowing that the beams of light in my life, my Adrienne and Anika, are here in Hungary and I am making efforts to flee them, with a crazy woman leading me forth. You, Uncle Lanci, must act with swiftness before my resolve becomes dissolved. Please, give me courage with “The Door is Still Open to My Heart” by Dean Martin, because I am feeling it open, but I am wondering if there is such thing as being too open.
Sincerely,
Mike a Korvinközből
Desire is fuelled by all, but fulfillment. —Ernő Osvát
DORA TURJÁN
February 24, 1965
“WE’LL NEED TO do something if the radio starts jamming more,” Marta whispered, leaning into Dora. The two stood in front of Radio Budapest’s office, which had been sending out signals daily to block Radio Free Europe. Dora had broken down and told Marta everything and, as expected, her friend sprang into action, dragging Dora to Radio Budapest so they could find a way to clear the airwaves.