“Come here. I’ll whisper it in your ear.”
“You can tell all of us,” Ferenc said.
Eszter looked at Dora and smiled. She turned to Ferenc. “Only you need the code.”
“There is no reason why Dora can’t hear.”
Eszter shook her head. “No, no, no.”
“Just go to her,” Dora said, backing away.
“Fine, but I don’t like this.” Ferenc lowered his ear to Eszter who, like a child, covered her mouth so Dora couldn’t see the movements of her lips. Dora didn’t have time to understand why her mom was acting this way. They needed to just keep moving forward.
“I know where we need to be.” Ferenc grabbed Dora’s hand.
“We?”
“Yes, I’m angry, but not enough to leave you here. You, me, and your mom. We have to get on that envoy.”
That was the Ferenc she knew, though Dora never planned to go with them. She decided to play along, realizing that was the only way to keep Ferenc going.
Dora reached for Eszter’s hand. “We’ll just take it slow.”
Eszter didn’t move at all.
“I’m too weak, Dora,” she gasped.
“I know, but you have to come with us.”
“I can’t.”
“You can.”
Dora wrapped her arms around Eszter and stood her up, clinging to her torso as she tried to steady her. One side of Eszter seemed almost completely immobile. Looking down, Dora noticed her mom’s battered hand. Remembering how hot Eszter felt, Dora realized she needed medical attention as soon as possible. They had to start moving.
“We’ve got to go, now.”
“I think I can do it,” Eszter said. “Just let go.”
The second Dora did, however, Eszter’s knees buckled, and she collapsed to the ground.
Dora bent down to pick up Eszter again. “I’ll carry you for some of the way, and then Ferenc will do the rest.”
“We can’t carry her, Dora,” Ferenc said gently, behind her. “It wouldn’t look right. People would notice.”
“Go without me for now,” Eszter said.
“No.” Dora wasn’t about to lose Eszter again. “Mom, please, you must have some strength to get up.”
Ferenc stooped down to Dora, placing his hand on her back. “She’s right. We can’t take her right now. We’d be risking our lives. But we’ll come back for her once we get the envoy. I promise.”
“We can’t just leave her here.”
“She’s safe for now.” Ferenc took off his jacket and wrapped it around Eszter. He pointed to an alcove in the alley. “We’ll make it nice for her there and put these trash bins in front, so no one will see her.”
“Trash?” Dora looked at the overflowing trash cans. They’d make Eszter even sicker.
“It’s just temporary,” Ferenc said.
“I’ll wait right here for you. Just go with him.” Eszter clung to the blanket and Ferenc’s jacket.
“Not before I know.” Dora faced her mom. “About Boldiszar.”
Eszter froze. Her eyes grew watery. She bowed her head, and as her tears fell to ground, she whispered, “It was my fault.”
“No, please don’t say that.” Dora dropped to her knees.
“I led Boldiszar to the trap by mistake. I thought guns and ammunition and forces from the West would be there, but I was a fool. They shot him in the neck. He was going to die and my strength was gone, Dora. I couldn’t drag him out of there, not like that, with his throat full of blood.”
“But, did you kill him? Did you shoot him?”
Eszter looked past Dora. Her lips trembled.
“Mom, I need to know.”
“I wanted to relieve his suffering.”
“And?” She needed her mom to say it.
“Yes, it was me, in the end.”
Dora stared at her mom. Eszter did it. She was the reason Boldiszar died. It was her, in so many ways. Dora started looking around, for what, she didn’t know. Maybe just someone who could swoop down and change the past. Her eyes searched and searched, but found nothing. She was confused and feeling hot.
Eszter wrapped her arm around Dora and tried to pull her close. “It was the most merciful thing I could have done. But it’s still all my fault. It is.”
Dora didn’t want to be hugged by her mom. She sat up, resisting Eszter. “How could you have not tried to save him?”
“He was already gone.”
“There is always a chance. There had to be a chance.”
Eszter didn’t try to defend herself or explain further. She looked down, and Ferenc did the same. They let Dora cry, hunched over her lap, rocking herself back and forth. Dora thought back to Bence, the cemetery groundskeeper, and how he wanted Dora to tell Eszter they knew it was a mistake. She couldn’t say it. No, not right now.
When her tears finally began subsiding, Eszter squeezed Dora’s hand. “There is one more thing.”
Dora didn’t know if she could handle one more thing.
“He wanted me to tell you that he loves you.”
“What?” Dora didn’t think she heard Eszter right.
“It was one of the last things Boldiszar said. He loves you.”
Dora’s mind stopped, halted, ran into a wall. She didn’t move, her eyes glued to her mom’s unflinching face.
“It’s true,” Eszter whispered.
Boldiszar loved her? She always thought he cared for her like a sister, but love? That was something else entirely. That was what she felt when they kissed at the lake, and what she thought about before she went to bed every night. That was what she hoped for, but what was never confirmed. Until now.
“I love him too.”
“I know.” This time, Eszter was successful at pulling Dora into her. Dora started crying even more, hating her mom yet thankful for her all at the same time.
“I’m sorry, Dora.” Eszter ran her fingers through Dora’s hair.
Dora didn’t know what to say. She had no idea if she would ever forgive her mom, and even alluding to that didn’t seem right. She could only express herself through the very physical manifestation of her sadness, which felt like a relief and burden all at once.
When she felt like all her tears had been sucked out of her, she hoisted herself off the ground. Looking down at Eszter, who could barely lift her head, Dora realized they were her mom’s only hope. And she was theirs. She knew what they had to do.
“We’ll get the envoy and come back for you,” Dora said. “Don’t move.”
“Just stay with Ferenc.”
“I will.”
Dora looked at Ferenc, who appeared so concerned Dora didn’t even know if he had the strength to go in search of the envoy. She saw that he had been crying too. She felt something rush through her, urging her to devote everything she had to him. After Boldiszar died, she never thought she’d regain that frantic energy again, the kind that made you want to do extraordinary things for someone else—the kind that made you think you could. That feeling, she knew, was love. It was a love not tempered by guilt, or anger, or untruths. It was a love made solely for action and for doing good. Tremulously gaining her balance, her hands shaking, Dora took a step away from Eszter.
“Let’s go.” She grabbed Ferenc’s hand.
The sun would rise in a couple hours. They found a doorway near the meeting place, and Dora let herself rest while Ferenc stood guard. She dreamed that she was sitting at her desk when her teeth started falling out and disappearing. She searched everywhere for them, believing that if she found them, the dentist could simply put them back in. She found her mom and begged for her help. “Have you seen them? Have you seen my teeth?” she yelled at Eszter in her dream. Eszter smiled, opening her hand to reveal all of Dora’s lost teeth. As Dora reached for the shiny, white pebbles, Eszter closed her fist and laughed.
“Look.” Ferenc woke up Dora, his voice hot on her neck.