I inquired what has transformed now in Munich. Why could she stay alive now? She informed me she discovered a peace that she did not know in Hungary before. It was a lighter feeling in Munich. There were many shops open, and restaurants to maneuver her mind from her sadness, and people that spoke with her in freedom. In Hungary, there were not many things lively and she felt watched one hundred percent of the time by the government (which I comprehend). My mom said she felt immense disdain at her factory job but there was not an option to transform. She was assigned to that duty, and it was a final.
She pulled her head away from my shoulder, stood tall, and then kissed me atop my cheeks all over. I know what you are wondering, of course. I told her about Adrienne. I told her about you. When I asked if she would come back to Hungary, only for a vacation, to see Adrienne, her eyes once again got slurped into the vacuum.
She never gave me a definite answer.
My new petite sister (Béla) already twiddled her way onto my lap, asking me to read to her. I spent my life devoting myself to Adrienne, and now this new petite person is asking for my attention. It felt so uplifting and then so depressing since Adrienne could not be there to witness it.
Since I cannot make force of my mom to depart Munich, I will stay here until I come forth with a plan to get Adrienne, and even my father, here. I don’t prospect my parents to rekindle a unit, but I do believe that my father wouldn’t suffice without Adrienne, so I cannot leave him out of my plans. When I settle to sleep at night, I envision Adrienne’s face when she learns about my plans. It will be the most crystalline vision of happiness, undisturbed by anything. It will be one hundred percent.
There’s something other too—I desire for you to be here, Anika. You have time to make ponders on this, but you should acquire awareness that I am one hundred percent committed to you. I comprehend that it does not make a proper equation that I would manifest these mighty feelings so quickly, but I cannot say no to what’s inside of me. Our bond is more strong than reasoning, time, or space. We will eventual be together, I know that more than I even know anything. I love you.
Sincerely,
Ferenc
DORA TURJÁN
WHEN DORA WOKE up, she found Ivan standing above her.
“You’ve been asleep for seventeen hours.” He shook his head and sighed.
“Ohhhhh, really?” Dora yawned and rolled over. “I’ll get up soon.”
“You can’t do this forever. It’s dinner time.”
“Just give me a few hours.”
“You have one.” Ivan stomped out of her room, leaving her door open.
Dora didn’t care. She closed her eyes and tried hard to go back to sleep. It had been three months since Ferenc and her mom made their escape, and still she woke up every morning feeling as if it only happened a few hours ago. The memories muscled their way into her mind, pushing past the warmness of sleep and weighing her down so much she just couldn’t get up.
She remembered Eszter being driven away in the car. She could recall falling to the pavement and Ferenc rubbing her back. She certainly remembered waking up in his room, then sneaking out before anyone in his family saw her. When she got home, she sat down at the kitchen table, unscrewed a jar of jam, spread it on a slice of bread, and tried to eat for the first time that day. It made her feel even sicker. She gave up, electing to drink a glass of water instead. She noticed her hand shaking as she lifted the water to her lips. Her anger started there, but quickly went to her heart, which thundered in her chest.
Sure, Dora knew her mom’s plot hadn’t been intended to mislead her. How could Eszter have known Dora was involved with Ferenc? Dora’s anger came from the fact that once Eszter saw Dora again, she didn’t tell her the truth. She actually only told Ferenc the code, probably because she knew Dora would sense there was something afoot. Yes, Eszter was sick, in many ways. But this was not something a crazy person would do. This was something a person thinking clearly, and methodically, would do. And in her moments of lucidity, Eszter could have come clean and insist Ferenc not join the envoy. She could have promised to go to Munich and arrange for Ferenc to get on the next envoy. But, no, she didn’t do any of that. Instead, she abandoned them.
Dora wanted to punch something, but she wouldn’t. She wanted to scream, but she wouldn’t do that either. Instead, she walked to her room and went to sleep, hoping that when she woke up, a piece of her pain would be left behind in her dreams.
Dora ended up sleeping for hours that day and into the night. For months after that, she continued sleeping voraciously, taking it in like a dog slopping up water after a salty meal. Ivan despised it, though he left her in peace most of the time.
He had tried to hint that he knew what took place, or at least the scant outlines of the events from that day. He would mention Ferenc casually and say something along the lines of, “I wonder where he got off to….” He once even left a memo out on the table that speculated on how Eszter escaped. It mentioned nothing of Ferenc, thank God. When Ivan saw Dora noticing it, he nodded to her and walked away.
She noticed Ivan softening in other ways too. Instead of spending hours in his study after work, he would go out then return home happier than when he left. Dora assumed he was dating for the first time since Eszter was taken away. She couldn’t do the same, and she mostly found herself thinking about Ferenc. She missed him. She didn’t know what happened to him, but convinced herself not to speculate until she knew the truth. She assumed he had found a way to escape, but she wondered if he had made it safely across the border. Dora felt on edge so often, irritated at the smallest things, like waiting for the tram, or when someone in front of her was walking slowly. She wanted to rush through her everyday life so that she could get closer to seeing or hearing from Ferenc, wherever he was.
On her way to work, Dora would go out of her way to walk by places that reminded her of Ferenc and fantasized about their conversations, drawing from a list of things she stowed away to share with him. Once a dog peed right on her shoe. Ferenc would laugh so hard when she told him about that. She had run into Adrienne recently, who ended up comforting Dora over Ferenc’s absence. He would be so proud.
She dreamed about eating dinner with him, the desire to touch him so strong they held hands across the table. Dora could practically fit her entire hand in Ferenc’s palm. As he walked her home, he’d pulled her into him and they would kiss right there in the middle of the street. Dora would usually wake up at that point, convinced the moment was real. When she saw only the walls of her room surrounding her, she’d pull her blankets up to her chin and go back to sleep. She was in the process of doing that when Ivan intruded upon her, requesting she get out of bed.
When Dora managed to banish him out of her room, she noticed he left behind an envelope wedged between the folds of her blanket. Addressed to Uncle Lanci, the letter had been opened, and the perpetrator seemed to want her to know that. Next to the letter, Dora found a small note in Ivan’s handwriting.
It read, They are safe now.
She recognized the handwriting in the letter immediately. It was from Ferenc. As she read the letter, she felt a warmth coat the fear that made her shiver, even during the summer. She no longer felt abandoned in her memories and longing. She had someone who could match them, even though he was miles away. The knowledge that both Ferenc and her mom had made it safely to Munich, and created some sort of life there, alleviated Dora’s anxiety. She imagined Ferenc playing with his little sister as he did with Adrienne, that goofy smile on his face reflecting the joy in his sister’s eyes. She imagined her mom sitting down and eating a warm meal, making progress on getting healthy. And despite Ferenc’s geographical distance, he seemed as enamored with her as he had been when he first met Dora, as Anika. The knowledge that he devoted himself to her completely made Dora feel suddenly buoyant.