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10 FINING SALAMI
“YEAH, LIFE WERE GREAT ’ERE, when we was young, yeah, life were great when we’d got money, me even a million, I were a millionaire,” said Mr Svoboda, lying on his front in his little garden, with a stream running past him, with young willows and rows of blackcurrant and gooseberry bushes, Mr Svoboda was lying on his front next to a bed of parsnips, or rather he was lying on his side with his great belly lying next to him like a barrel, one arm like a pillow under his head and the free one weeding the weeds from the parsnip bed, the sun shining down on his unbelievably huge paunch, his breasts like a huge wet-nurse’s, with pendulous nipples, and Mr Svoboda, catching me looking at his frontage, said: “It’s not lard, it’s tallow, like what boars, wild boars have, but life were great ’ere, till it left through that gate,” he pointed to the broken hedge, rank with hazel and elder, and contentedly, as if he’d been telling himself the same story for the hundredth time, he carried on plucking out the weeds with his fat fingers, and when he’d weeded as far as his reach would allow, he raised himself up like a monstrous walrus and shifted himself on a bit and his body contentedly settled back down and Mr Svoboda carried on weeding and talking: “We used to amuse ourselves different from young people today, like the time I put an advert in the paper: ‘Wanted to buy: large guard-dog, travel expenses will be reimbursed.’ And my pal, he’s got that cottage on Dyke Road, above the pond in the forest, I mean Kožíšek the chemist, when he opened the blinds in the morning, he nearly fell flat, outside his chemist’s shop there was at least ten blokes with dogs, and Kožíšek asks: “What are you doin’ here?” And they said: “We’re here ’cos you advertised for a big guard-dog, so we’ve come,” and they showed him the ad, since he, my mate Kožíšek, didn’t believe ’em yet. Meanwhile more men arrived with more dogs an’ the dogs started fightin’ and bitin’ each other, so Kožíšek decided he