But I had gauged her ladyship's cunt power at too low an estimate, for she no sooner found herself mistress of the situation than she took in the position at a glance, and ravished me with such terrible lunges that I fairly cried a 'go'.
But nothing daunted, Fanny held on, and I stood no more chance of getting my poor used-up 'torch' out of her vagina than if it had been wedged into a vice.
At last I felt the hot crane de la creme pouring down over my balls, and with a last despairing gasp of mingled pleasure and regret to think she could hold out no longer, Fanny once more sank into my arms about as thoroughly spent as a woman should be who has been most damnably twice fucked in a quarter of an hour.
Hastily putting on her things, and making herself shipshape, she drove with me to the hotel, where her boxes had arrived safely, and in the morning I informed her brother, as I had previously arranged with Fanny, that she had sent a messenger to his chambers overnight, saying where she was to be found.
I also told him how I had excused him in a return message by the hotel porter, and his gratitude to me knew no bounds.
I deemed it prudent not to see her ladyship during her stay in town, though she sent me three pressing letters, but I feared we should be bowled out, and wrote her so.
Twelve months after this I heard she had separated from her husband, having presented him, nine months from that blissful evening, with a son and heir, which the old man, not believing in miracles, could scarcely altogether credit the dildo with.
CHAPTER 12
Now my next essay was of a totally different character, and may, perhaps, be stigmatised by the fastidious reader as an escapade, degrading to one whose last liaison had been with the wife of a baronet, but to tell the truth, and judging cunt from a strictly philosophical standpoint, there is so little difference between a chambermaid and a countess, that it would take a very astute individual indeed to define it. It is, perhaps, true, that the countess's opening may be, by frequent ablutions, kept sweeter, and the frangipani on her ladyship's fine cambric chemisette may possibly make the entrance more odoriferous for a tongue lick, but Dr Johnson's admirable impromptu definition will apply to the vagina of a Malayan or a Chinese girl equally with that of our own countrywomen. He said, if you remember, on the occasion when poor Oliver Goldsmith was troubled with the venereal, and came to him for sympathy'Cunt, and what of it?
A nasty, slimy, slobbery slit,
Half an inch between arse and it;
If the bridge were to break, y'd would be covered with — '
I have already in the course of this narrative mentioned the duenna who cleaned my chambers. She was a cast-off mistress of one of the old sergeants of the Inn, who had procured her this situation for life, and supplemented it with a small allowance, which enabled her to live in comparative comfort.
Two of her bastard daughters were married, and a younger one, the pretty one as she called her, had just returned home from boarding school, whither the old woman by dint of careful frugality had managed to send her.
She was barely turned sixteen, as upright as a dart, had a fine full face, with plenty of colour in it, and a form so shapely that I scarcely gave credence to the mother's statement that she was only sixteen. The old woman was very garrulous, annoyingly so sometimes, but on the subject of her darling daughter I used to let her tongue run on till further orders.
'She's a fine, strapping wench, sir, just the kind of girl I was at her age, though I think if anything she's a trifle more plump than I was.'
'Yes, by God, and so should I,' was my involuntary exclamation, as I looked at the aged frump's wizened features.
'I don't know what I shall do with her,' muttered her mother. 'I shall have to send her to service; this place won't keep two of us, and not only that, sir, I've been thinking that it's hardly the thing for a giddy girl like her to be brought into contact with gentlemen like you.'
Of course the mother was thinking of her own youthful transgressions with the sergeant, so I merely remarked that I was surprised such thoughts should run in her head, but I inwardly resolved that come what might I would see if a girl of sixteen with such a full fleshy face had got a cunt to match.
Noticing that the daughter was fond of dress, I bought a small parcel of ribbons one day at the draper's, and had them addressed to her without saying a word as to my having sent them.
The following morning I met her on the stairs, gaily decked out, and I asked her where she was going.
'Only for a walk in this silly old inn,' she replied. 'I have a beau, sir, an unknown beau, who has sent me all these beautiful ribbons, and a lot more besides, and I thought by going out he might see that I had appreciated his gift, that is if he were watching for me,' she added, with an arch smile.
'That's right, my girl, perhaps he will send you something else; by the way, what is your name?'
'Gerty,' said the young lady, smiling.
'Well, Gerty, you'll excuse my saying so, but that splendid ribbon with which you have decorated your hat, makes the hat look quite shabby.'
'Alas! sir, I know it, but Mother is poor, and I can't afford to buy another one just yet.'
'If you'd promise not to tell your mother-promise me sacredly not on any account to tell her-I will take you to a shop where I saw a lovely one yesterday that would suit your style admirably, and I shall be only too happy to purchase it for you.'
'Oh! sir, you are very kind, but I could not impose-'
'Tut, child, don't speak like that, but go out into the street and walk to the comer of Great Turnstile, and I will join you in three minutes.'
Of course I did this to avoid observation. Presently I went out myself, and took her to the very draper's where I had bought the ribbon.
'Good-morning, sir, I have now got that particular shade of ribbon you wanted yesterday.'
The cat was out of the bag; Gerty glanced quickly up at me, and I saw I was discovered.
'So you are the unknown beau,' she whispered, 'well, I am surprised.'
'And, I hope, pleased, too, Gerty?'
'Well, I hardly know,' she said, 'but what about the hat?'
To cut a long story short I rigged her up from top to toe, and before I left the shop I had expended nearly?20 on her.
'How on earth am I to account for having this to Mother?'
'We'll have it sent like the ribbons, and, of course, you can't form a guess where it came from. The shop people must put no address inside.' And giving all the necessary instructions, I shook hands with Gertrude and bade her good-morning.
In the evening a gentle tap at my door ushered in the young lady herself, who, closing it softly after her, said'Those things have come, sir, and Mother went on like anything, but I vowed I didn't know who had sent 'em, so she told me in that case I'd better thank God, and say no more about it.'
'Then it's all right,' I said, looking intently at her large, rounded bust, which, confined as it was by a tightly-fitting dress, showed itself to singular advantage.
'I'm afraid, sir,' she said, 'that I didn't thank you sufficiently this morning, and so I thought as mother has gone down to Peckham to see her brother, I'd call in and do it now.'
'My dear Gertrude,' I said, 'there's only one way of showing your gratitude to me, and that way you are as yet I fear too young to understand. Come here, my dear.'
I was sitting by a blazing coal fire, and although I had not lit the gas the light was ample; she stepped forward and seemed, as I thought, rather timorous in her manner.
'My dear Gerty,' I said, placing my arm around her waist, 'you are heartily welcome to what my poor purse can afford. As for those pretty matters I purchased today, one kiss from those pouting lips will repay me a thousandfold.' And so saying I lifted her on to my knee and kissed her repeatedly.