Sean probably thinks of me every day, Jeff realized. A dodging step, a smile, a chuckle, a moment of smug pleasure as he passes the spot-here's where that Lisker guy barfed. Not after today, though.
Now that he was here and waiting, Jeff felt remarkably calm. He had come so far, he knew he would see it through. A lunatic mission, doomed to failure? No. He saw it as a pilgrimage that proved the validity of his feelings for Georgianne. Their time was at hand. He had put in twenty years or more of unrequited, half-realized, platonic love. He'd paid his dues.
Things happen because they have to. It was extraordinary, when he thought about it. His father had picked the right time to die. Georgianne was at a turning point in her life. Bonnie, a year early, was about to go off to college. Sean and Georgianne would be entering a new stage in their married life, alone in that house, child-rearing finished, for the most part. It was the best possible time for something like this. Georgianne would now be more receptive, both to Jeff and to a change in her life. She would no longer have to fear the disruptive effect it might have on her daughter, who was now a young adult. And it would be an attractive alternative to the impending boredom and loneliness she faced-husband working, no Bonnie coming home from school every afternoon.
It would be a big change for Jeff, too. He would have to alter his work habits dramatically. But he could afford to do that now. With Georgianne, it would be easy. They had a lot of time to make up together. There were all kinds of possibilities. Jeff was beginning to see Lisker-Benedictus Future Systems in a fresh light.
He checked his watch again. Jesus, man, come on. Maybe he had missed Sean already. Maybe he had taken another path, or wasn't even coming this morning. It would mean a trip back to the motel and a phone call to Georgianne to arrange a meeting with her alone. They would have a serious, heart-to-heart talk. That was inevitable sooner or later anyhow.
But a moment after Jeff had worked out his next move, Sean came bouncing along the rough path. Jeff followed him at once, his whole body charged with the sudden shock of fear and excitement. He stumbled out of the woods onto the trail. Sean was already ten yards ahead. Jeff ran to catch up. When he had gained some ground, he stopped and called out.
"Sean. Hey, Sean."
Georgianne's husband halted and wheeled around with athletic grace. He started to walk back toward Jeff, at first unsure, but soon registering surprised recognition.
"Jeff? I'll be damned, it is you."
He came forward to shake hands, but Jeff ignored the gesture.
"Hello, Sean."
"What are you doing here? Back to see Union Carbide again?"
"Yeah, I'm back," Jeff replied coolly. "Got in last night and thought I'd surprise you."
"Well, you sure did," Sean said. "I never thought I'd see you at this place again." Now he looked Jeff over. "I see you've got yourself a new running outfit. Very nice."
He's smirking, Jeff thought. He's actually smirking at me in these clothes. How fucking typical of the man!
"You must come back to the house for breakfast," Sean was saying. "Want to run a bit? I have to do my laps. Boy, will the girls be surprised to see you!"
Not happy to see me? No, you wouldn't want to say that, admit that, would you, Mr. Corcoran.
"I don't want to run," Jeff said. We ran the last time. This time we'll walk. There's something I have to talk to you about, if you don't mind."
"Okay, sure."
They walked deeper into the Gorge. Jeff was pleased with himself. Right from the first he had dictated the tempo, set the correct tone.
"What's up?" Sean asked when they had gone a short distance. "Is there some problem?"
Look here, I'm sorry, but-no, that sort of approach just wouldn't work. The lines Jeff had run through his head many times earlier now seemed too stiff and cumbersome. He couldn't get them out; it was as if his throat and vocal cords were giving him a message by refusing to function. Okay, this wasn't the kind of thing you could rehearse. You had to let it out the way it wanted to come.
"Anything I can help you with?" Sean asked. "If I can do anything, I will."
You can, you will, Jeff thought. The words were brimming up within him now.
"Yeah, yeah. It's about Georgianne and me," he said harshly. "I have to be honest with you-that's the way I am. You have to know."
"Oh?"
Sean blinked and appeared to be confused. But the situation transformed and clarified itself for him quickly as he absorbed Jeffs words and tone of voice. Then he was almost amused, and it showed on his face.
He must think I'm a fool, Jeff decided, some silly twerp who feels compelled to confess that he and Georgianne had misbehaved twenty years ago. Yes, that would be how Sean Corcoran's mind worked. He should only be so lucky. Hold on, pal, the best is yet to come.
"Yeah, you see, the thing is," Jeff continued in a rush, "I know this will be a shock to you, but the fact is I'm very serious about Georgianne. And she's just as serious about me. That's the reality of it."
"What?" A surprised, half-laugh of exclamation.
"I'm telling you the truth," Jeff followed up promptly. "There's really nothing you can do about it, except make it a little more painful and messy, and I hope you won't go in for that. I don't care about myself, it wouldn't bother me, but it would hurt Georgian,, and she doesn't deserve that kind of treatment after all she's given you."
Jeff stood there, rigid as a stone gargoyle out of the Middle Ages, but his heart thundered, and he thought he could feel the blood surging through every part of his body.
Sean put his hands on his hips. "Are you kidding?"
Jeff snapped back, "Not at all."
"This isn't a joke," Sean stated calmly. "You're really serious about this."
"Of course I am," Jeff said angrily. "I didn't have to come here at this time of day and talk to you reasonably like this. We could have taken another route, but no, I've made this effort. I want you to understand. I want you to see the whole picture."
"You do mean it," Sean said quietly, almost to himself. "All right, what is the picture? Go ahead, tell me."
"Ha, that's good. What the fuck do you think it is, for Chrissake? You're finished, Sean, you're through. It's all over. It was a mistake in the first place. It never should have happened. But you've had your time, you've had her, and for way too long. Now I'm telling you it's over, finished, done. Ended." Jeff felt serene, steady as a pure white flame, and it was the best feeling he'd ever known.
"Jeff, you're..." Sean made an effort to suppress the anger he was beginning to feel. "Look," he said gently, "you've got a problem and-"
"Don't talk to me like that," Jeff responded hotly. "You're the one with the problem, man, and there's nothing you can do about it. Listen to what I'm telling you."
"Jeff, what did Georgianne say to you?"
"That's between her and me."
"Jeff, I don't know ..." Sean looked embarrassed as well as disconcerted now. "You must have misunderstood." Then, hesitantly, he added, "Georgianne doesn't care about you-I mean, not that way."
"You're full of shit," Jeff answered, his voice low and furious. "It's a waste of time even trying to talk sense to you."
"1 mean, she cares about you, of course," Sean went on soothingly. "Very much. You're a very dear friend to her. But, really, Jeff, she doesn't love you, if that's what you think." His manner was soft and patient, like a parent's trying to explain to one child why he couldn't have another child's toy.
"She doesn't love me? That's funny coming from you. What would you know about it? All you've done is bury her here for twenty years. Let me tell you something, Sean. You don't understand your own wife. You don't even come close. And you treat her like a piece of shit."