It was a further drop than I had anticipated; I hit the muddied, wet ground with a loud grunt. Pain shot through my bruised tailbone and elbow. For a moment the air was knocked forcefully out of me, and then it gasped wonderfully, blessedly back in. I panted, clawing at the watery ground as I pulled myself clear of the pipe exit. I blinked against the bright light of day that burned my eyes.
Though it was wet beneath me I was not in a puddle, and even if I couldn’t see yet I knew that I was in the wide open. I could feel that there were no walls around me anymore; feel my freedom even though I could not clearly see it yet. Hands seized hold of my arms; I blinked, trying to clear the tears away that were blurring my vision. It was then that I realized that the sun was not the reason I couldn’t see, it was the tears streaking down my face and clogging my eyes. “Are you ok?” Cade demanded.
I wanted to nod, wanted to speak, wanted to reassure him that I was dazed, but completely fine. Instead a terrified, brutal scream ripped from my throat. I couldn’t stop it, and once it tore free, I could feel unending shrieks of anguish and terror building up and roiling through me. I was shaken, torn, and very close to coming completely undone. I had managed to keep it together in that awful pipe, but it had been too much, and I was completely unraveling. I could feel a shattering forming inside of me, a soul wrenching breaking that I was very afraid might just destroy me.
Cade wrapped me up in his arms, pulling me tight against him. He buried my head in his neck, muffling the sounds of my shrieks with his body. I clung to him, continuing to scream as all of the pent up frustration, terror, and horror of that pipe, and everything else that had occurred, boiled out of me. And once it started I couldn’t stop it, could no longer contain it.
“Bethany, Bethy baby hush. You’re out now, you made it. You’re free, it’s over, and you did great. You did great,” Cade whispered against my ear, his hands entangling in my snarled and filthy hair as he pressed me closer.
I shuddered, clawing at his skin and clothes, trying harder to get closer to him, though it was nearly impossible to do so. It was impossible to be any closer, but I needed to be, I needed more. I needed him,all of him. The absolute certainty of that was soul shaking, it nearly ripped me in two as I held him, oblivious to anyone outside of the two of us. No one else existed in this world of warm security within Cade’s strong embrace. I wasn’t aware that my screams had subsided until I felt the gentle caress of his hands over my hair, soothing me gently, and whispering softly to me as I began to tremble. Not from fear this time, or relief, but from the sheer wonder of this tender moment, and his touch.
I did not even care that we were both covered with slime, and stunk to high heaven. I didn’t even care that there were two other people watching us. All I cared about was the fact that I didn’t ever want to let go. I could hear his answering response to me in the excited beat of his heart, and the slight tremble that gripped his body.
“Bethany,” he whispered, his lips against my ear, his hands in my ear. “My brave Bethany.”
I didn’t feel so brave today. I felt like a coward, and childlike. I felt drained, and nearly defeated. If it hadn’t been for his quiet strength, and unwavering faith in me, I wasn’t sure that I would have made it this far. It was a faith I wasn’t sure I deserved, especially not after the breakdown I had just experienced. Jenna may complain about everything, but at least she was keeping it together. I was unraveling faster than a yo-yo. If there had been any aliens in the area, I could have just killed us and all because I had a problem with small spaces.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed.
He didn’t tell me it was ok, didn’t say anything but simply brushed a gentle kiss over my temple. He may have forced Jenna into the pipe, he may have even left her behind, but in that moment I knew that he wouldn’t have forced me, and he wouldn’t have left me. He would have done everything he could to keep me safe for as long as possible, even if it meant dying himself. I wanted to start crying again at the realization, but this time I managed to keep my tears at bay. What was this wonderful, horrible, confusing situation that I had been sucked into?
Just days ago life hadn’t been perfect, but it had been peaceful. I’d had a home, and a mom. I’d known my siblings were safe, and that I would be seeing them again. I’d had a nice, loving boyfriend. I had been certain that if enough time passed I would come to love him one day, because who wouldn’t love Bret? Every other girl in the school loved him, except for me.
But wrapped tight in Cade’s arms I began to understand why I had never been in love with Bret. Even though I hadn’t known it, and might never have recognized it if it hadn’t been for everything that had happened, I understood it now. Ever since those long ago days of fishing, playing, kind words, and small smiles; ever since that long ago night in the garden, Cade had owned my heart, and always would.
What I didn’t know was why he had chosen me. And chosen me he had, years ago. Of that I was certain. Long before his parents had been killed, long before my father’s death, he had chosen me. I recalled the first time that Aiden had brought him home. He had been six at the time, young, quiet, and new to town. I had been five. Even at that young age there had been a strange wisdom in his onyx eyes. A wisdom that had struck me, stunned me, and entranced me. He had been beautiful to me, and perplexing as he studied me in a way that I had never been studied before. There had been confusion in his gaze, disbelief, and a strange yearning that I had not understood at the time. I understood it now. Just as I understood that he would always be a part of me, and that he had been since that first moment.
I may have forgotten about those earlier days after my father’s death, and the subsequent years of being studiously avoided by Cade but I was acutely reminded of that little boy now, and the strange bond that had ensnared us. My heart lumbered with the memories, and the love surging through me. I could see that little boy perfectly, standing in our doorway, his face slack with surprise and his eyes wide as he watched me.
Then, ever so slowly, he had smiled at me. It had been a beautiful and rare smile. It had warmed the ice that had glimmered in his onyx gaze, and it had caused me to smile brightly in return. He had been Aiden’s friend, but he was far more than that to me, and we had been together nearly every day for the following two years. He had been my everything then, and though I had been too young to understand relationships, or recognize that I was helplessly in love with him, I knew now that I had been. And that I still was.
But in one awful night it had all changed. For a brief moment I wondered what it would have been like between us if his parents hadn’t been killed. What our lives would have been like if we had not been separated by hideous chance. I knew there never would have been a relationship with Bret. As much as I cared for Bret, it would have been Cade and I this entire time, there never would have been anyone else of that I was certain. Fate hadn’t worked that way, and though we had been separated then, I knew we would not be separated again. Not willingly, anyway.
He pulled slightly back from me. His hands cradled my face gently, his thumbs rubbed over my cheeks. I knew I had to be filthy, he was filthy, we were allfilthy, but he didn’t care, and neither did I. His breath was warm against my mouth as his lips brushed lightly over mine. My heart leapt, plummeted, and then soared high again. A soft sigh of pleasure, and wonder, escaped me. I leaned into him, savoring the warmth of his mouth, and the pleasure that flooded my body. My hands dug into his back, for a brief moment I allowed myself to be lost to him.
But only for a moment. I pulled slowly away, blinking his handsome, dirt smeared face into focus. I smiled softly at him, cradling his hands gently against my face. “We have to go.”