Amalie kissed him on the cheek. “Give Belinda my love.”
The regent was only one of many who were poised to leave Ghosenhall now that, for a time at least, the realm was peaceful. Kirra and Donnal had barely bothered to make farewells before taking off on the very evening of Amalie’s grand procession.
“I am so restless I almost can’t stand my own skin,” Kirra had said frankly. “We must be gone by sundown or I swear I’ll descend into madness.”
“If you hear a wolf howling at the moon tonight, that will be me,” Donnal said.
“Better if we’re gone.”
And so they left.
Three of the Riders also departed after taking formal leave of Amalie. They praised her father, expressed pleasure that they had been able to serve her briefly, but claimed that they could no longer endure the burdens and responsibilities of their calling. Amalie thanked them extravagantly, pressed significant sums of money on each of them, and sighed to see them go.
A fourth Rider departed without any ceremony at all. Wen strolled into the city one afternoon after taking her shift on duty, and never bothered returning to the palace. She left a note for Janni that stated merely, Don’t worry about me. I’ve decided to leave and I don’t want to be talked out of it. Serve the princess as best you can. Think of me as you guard her coronation.
All the remaining Riders were shaken up by her abrupt disappearance, and half of them gathered outside of Tayse’s cottage once the letter had been discovered. Sensing distress, Cammon had hurried in that direction in time to hear Janni read the note. “What happened? Why did she go?” was the general tone of the baffled questions.
Janni seemed as perplexed as the rest of them, but Tayse had an inkling. “She was fighting side by side with my father when he and the king went down,” Tayse said. “She might have thought she betrayed them both by living. A king should never die unless every Rider beside him has already been murdered.”
“But no one would have been able to save Baryn that day!” Janni exclaimed.
Justin and Tayse exchanged glances. “Tir died,” Justin said quietly. “I think both Tayse and I would have been dead that day, and our bodies found alongside Baryn’s. Wen feels she failed as a Rider. And she is not willing to fail Amalie. So she left.”
Tayse’s eyes sought Cammon. “Where is she?” Tayse asked. “Close enough for us to go after her?”
If he concentrated, Cammon could sense Wen, a small, sad, and sturdy shape even now drawing farther from the city. He shook his head. “She wants to go,” he said. “I can’t help you change her choice.”
Justin growled and punched him hard in the shoulder. “You show your scruples at the most inconvenient times,” he said.
Cammon shrugged helplessly. “You wouldn’t want to be kept against your will. It’s not fair to fetch her back.”
Tayse nodded. “So. Another position to fill among the Queen’s Riders. All of you be on the lookout for candidates to present.”
So those were losses, and Cammon hated each of them, but the hardest one came a week later. Milo had chased him from Amalie’s parlor to discuss meaningless topics like a royal wardrobe, and Cammon had wandered down to the walled garden where the raelynx still stayed when Amalie had no attention to spare. The difference was that the wrought-iron door, though it remained closed, was no longer locked. Cammon could not rid himself of the suspicion that the raelynx came and went pretty much as it chose.
Valri was standing just outside the garden, as he had found her one time before. Her hands were wrapped around the bars, and her gaze was fixed on the giant cat sleeping inside the enclosure. She turned her head as she heard him approach and gave him a smile that seemed a little sad.
“I always thought I would be taking him back with me to the Lirrenlands one day,” she said without preamble. “I always thought he should not stay here, this wild creature, penned up in such a small space. And yet he has come to belong in this palace more surely than I ever did. It would be cruel to remove him now. Amalie loves him-and I believe, in his unfathomable way, he loves her.”
Cammon came to stand beside her, resting one hand on the rough stone of the wall. “And you’re not going back to the Lirrenlands,” he said.
“But I am,” she replied.
He knew his dismay was written plainly on his face. “But you can’t! Amalie needs you! It’s months till the coronation-and all these stupid marlords are coming in every day-and-and, there’s so much to learn about running the kingdom-”
“I never really knew that much about politics,” Valri said with a shrug. “All I knew was how to keep her safe. How to prevent anyone from guessing she was a mystic.” She shrugged again. “And now everyone knows, and there is nothing I can do for her anymore.”
“She needs you!”
“She needs advisors, and she has plenty of those,” Valri said. “Romar will be back in a few weeks, and I don’t see Tayse and Senneth riding off any time soon. And Kiernan Brassenthwaite seems to have forgotten he has another home to go to. Amalie doesn’t need me.”
“But she loves you,” he said.
Valri gave him her dark smile. “She loves you,” she corrected. “And you have won the right to stay beside her.” She shook her head. “I don’t know that I would have been able to leave her behind with any other husband. I knew she had to marry, but I didn’t believe there was a noble I could give her to with a whole heart. I am glad you have found a way to trick the marlords into accepting you. You love her, and I am free to go.”
“It’s not enough to have one person who loves you,” Cammon objected. “You need as many as you can find.”
That made Valri laugh out loud. “Yes, I suppose that is how you live your life, isn’t it, Cammon?” she said. “You and Amalie both. You seem to enrich yourselves on love, and the more of it there is, the happier you are.”
“Isn’t that true for everyone?” he said, bewildered.
“Not for me. Love takes so much energy, and I don’t know how to parcel it out. So I reserve it for a very few.”
Cammon glanced around, as if, in the shadows, he would spot a dreamy-eyed Lirren man. “Is it Arrol? Are you going back to the Lirrenlands to be with him?”
Valri nodded. “And to see my family. And to decide if I can live among the clans, as bahta-lo, though I have abandoned them once, and they have all but forgotten me.”
“That won’t be easy,” Cammon said.
She gave him that dark smile again. “I cannot remember part of my life that has been easy. This at least should not be as hard as the past few years.”
“Will you be back? Sometimes? Now and then? Amalie will miss you, of course, and I-” He did not know how to complete the sentence.
“I expect I will,” she said. “Not often. It is hard for anyone to live between two worlds, I think, and harder for me than most. I tend to commit myself completely or walk away. But I think I will need to see Amalie from time to time-to know she is well, safe, and happy. And I will want her to know the same things about me.”
“I’ll know,” he said.
That earned him a sharp look from her extraordinary eyes. “What will you know?”
“If you’re well. If you’re sad. If you’re joyful. I’ll know how you are.”
Valri was silent a moment. “That might fade in time,” she said. “That connection you have with me.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Even when I am across the mountains and married to another man?”