Strange as it sounds, the combination of his club colors and the Ark illustrated Ruger’s contradictions perfectly.
Strange spots covered his shoulders, and along his side I saw just a hint of the panther’s claw reaching around from his hip.
He shifted and I froze, reality crashing back down.
I needed to get out or we’d have another fight. Realistically, we’d have another fight regardless, but a little break would be nice. I went downstairs and found my phone, checking the time. Seven in the morning. It took me less than thirty minutes to finish the last of my packing. Then I carried everything out to the car, loaded it, and climbed in.
I turned the key in the ignition, feeling sad and just a little wistful.
Things would turn out, I told myself firmly. I was doing the right thing. As if to prove my point, the sun was already high and bright. Birds were singing like in some stupid Disney movie. I turned out of the driveway onto the road and saw Elle, Ruger’s neighbor, walking along with her dog. She smiled as she saw me, waving me down. I pulled over.
Elle’s eyes flicked over the car, noting the presence of boxes and the lack of a child.
“Trouble in paradise?” she asked dryly.
I smiled ruefully and shrugged.
“You could say that,” I replied. “Ruger and I live in different worlds. I realized it doesn’t matter how cheap the rent is, staying isn’t going to work.”
“Do you have a plan?” she asked, and it wasn’t one of those questions that’s actually a passive-aggressive accusation in disguise. My mother had been the master of those … I could tell Elle was genuinely concerned.
“Not really,” I said. “But I guess that’s okay. Every time I make plans they fall apart anyway. Noah’s with my friend Kimber, and she’s got a spare room. I’m sure she’ll put us up until I pull something together.”
“I see,” she replied, pursing her lips thoughtfully. She glanced over at Ruger’s house, then cocked her head at me. “Why don’t you come over and have some breakfast? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
That startled me.
“Um, I don’t want to sound rude, but I’m sort of trying to get out of here before Ruger wakes up,” I told her. “He’s not going to be too happy about this.”
“He’ll get over it,” she said, that dry tone back in her voice. “He may be a big, bad biker, but he’s still just a man, and men are notoriously stupid. You can’t see my house from the road and he probably won’t come looking for you there, anyway. I have a shotgun if he does. I also have caramel rolls.”
My mouth dropped. Hadn’t seen that one coming.
“Okay,” I replied, suitably impressed.
Half an hour later we sat at her kitchen table, eating sweet rolls and discussing my crazy life. Somehow, she managed to bring out the humor in the situation, making things seem less scary. I wanted to be Elle when I grew up, I decided. She was smart, funny, cynical, and pretty sexy for a woman pushing forty.
“So, you’ve got a bit of a problem,” she said finally, the queen of understatement. “You’re smart to move out. I agree with you one hundred percent.”
“Really?” I asked. “Because I think Maggs set me up last night. She’s trying to push us together, I know it.”
“Well, there’s together and there’s fucking,” Elle said, delicately slicing a cantaloupe wedge.
“It kind of freaks me out when you do that,” I admitted.
“Do what? Eat melon? Orange fruits and vegetables are extremely healthy, Sophie.”
I giggled and shook my head.
“No, act all ladylike and then cuss like a sailor.”
“My late husband was in the navy,” she said, smiling softly. “And I assure you, his language would make your motorcycle club friends cry like little girls. Ruger actually reminds me of him in a way. So wild and violent, but contained, too.”
“Do you miss him?” I asked softly.
“Of course,” she replied, her tone sharpening. “You can’t help but miss a man like that. But here’s the thing, Sophie. I gave up everything for him. We moved every couple of years, so I had trouble making close friends. I thought about having a child, but I didn’t want to raise one by myself and I knew he’d be gone half the time. Then he went and died on me and now I’m all alone. Sometimes I hate him for that.”
I didn’t quite know what to say, so I took another bite of my roll. Elle sipped her tea and then sat back in her chair, looking at me very seriously.
“I did something very stupid when I was your age,” she said. “I let a man make the decisions for me. I have no idea if you and Ruger belong together, but you need space to figure things out. You can’t let yourself be dependent on someone unless you can truly trust him.”
“I trust Ruger,” I said slowly. “I trust him with Noah, at least. I also trust him not to change, which is sort of the problem.”
“Men rarely do,” she agreed. “Although it’s possible, I suppose. As I said before, I think I may have a solution for you. Did you know there’s an apartment in my barn?”
“Your barn?” I asked, blankly. I looked out the window toward the wooden structure behind the house. “I didn’t know you used the barn.”
“I don’t,” she said. “This farm belonged to my great-aunt, and she had part of the barn converted to an apartment for my cousin. He was developmentally delayed. She wouldn’t let them put him in a home, but he couldn’t live on his own. The apartment gave him some freedom and independence, but also kept him safe. He passed two years ago and it’s been empty ever since. I’m sure it needs cleaning, but I’d like to offer it to you and Noah.”
“Are you serious?” I asked. She nodded.
“Of course,” she said. “I wouldn’t have offered it otherwise. It’s not being used and I like both of you. Noah deserves a decent place to stay, and it’s definitely better than crashing on someone’s couch. Only one bedroom, but you don’t need to live there forever. It’s furnished. Just until you get back on your feet.”
“What are you looking for in terms of rent?” I asked cautiously.
She thought for a moment.
“I was hoping you could help me with the yard work,” she said. “I’ve been having trouble keeping up with it lately.”
I met her eyes across the table and neither of us said anything for a long moment.
“You’re a very nice person,” I whispered.
“So are you,” she replied quietly. “I have no idea whether things will work out between you and Ruger, but this way Noah can stay in the same school and still be within walking distance.”
“You think it’s a good idea for me to be this close to him?” I asked bluntly.
“Good luck finding somewhere he can’t follow you,” she replied wryly. “It hardly matters how far you go. Like I said—I have a shotgun. The barn has a good lock. Between the two I think you’ll do all right. Would you like to go and take a look?”
“I’d love that.”
ME: Thanks again for watching Noah this weeknd. All moved in now, still cant believe Elle had this place just sitting here. Good luck for me!!!!
KIMBER: No prob. So … have u seen HIM yet?
ME: Who? :->
KIMBER: Don’t be a dumbass. Thats Rugerss job. Did he freak?
ME: Thats the creepy part. He didn’t
KIMBER: Seriosly?
ME: No. He texted and asked me if I was ok. I said yes. He asked where I was
KIMBER: U tell him?
ME: Yes. He’d figure it out anyway
KIMBER: Huh … thats weird. After what happeed Sat night, that’s a total turn around. I expected him to come chase u down and drag you back—you know, like a cavman or something