“I never fucking cheatedon you, and I never liedto you.”
Silence.
“Five thousand a month,” she said.
“Go fuck yourself, Ava.”
“You know I nevergive up,” she said, her eyes widened as I stepped back inside my apartment. “I alwaysget what I want.”
“ So do I.” I slammed the door in her face, feeling my heart palpitating, feeling the onset of ugly memories all over again.
Rain. New York. Heartbreak.
Complete and utter heartbreak.
Seeing Ava in person again—hearing her manipulative voice and feeling those familiar pangs in my chest, immediately made me realize that I couldn’t make the same mistake again.
Aubrey was already asking questions, trying to dig her way into my life as much as she could—thinking that if she stayed around long enough that we would work out together. But I knew that would never happen, not after seeing Ava and knowing just how far she would go to ruin me all over again.
I was officially done with this monogamous game we’d been playing for the past couple weeks. It was quite fun— different, but since Aubrey could never be mine and I could never be hers, it was quite fucking pointless, too.
I headed back into my bedroom and saw Aubrey smiling as she settled into the bed.
“Where’s the dinner?” she asked tilting her head to the side. “Did you leave it at the door?”
“ No.” I shook my head and started packing up her things, stuffing them all into her purse.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“You can’t stay the night.”
“Okay…” She stood up. “Did something just happen? Do you want to talk about—”
“I don’t want to talk about anything else with you.” I hissed. “I just want to take you the hell home.”
“What?” She looked confused. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you—”
“Make sure you get all of your shit out of my bathroom. You won’t be coming back here again.”
“Why not?”
“Because I need to start fucking someone else.” I picked up her headband. “I think I’ve spent more than enough time with you, don’t you think?”
“ Andrew…” Her face fell. “Where is all of this coming from?”
“The same place it was always coming from. You lied to me once, you’ll lie again.”
“I thought we were over that.”
“Maybe youwere, but I wasn’t.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that you need to get all of your things so I can take you home, and from here on out, you are my intern and I am your boss. You will forever be Miss Everhart to me, and to you I’ll be Mr. Hamilton.”
“Andrew…”
“Mr. Fucking. Hamilton.”
She rushed over to me and snatched her things, letting a few tears escape her eyes. “Fuck you. FUCK. YOU. This is the last time you’ll ever pull this hot and cold shit on me.” She stormed out of my apartment, slamming the door behind her.
I sighed and felt an immediate pang of guilt in my chest, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was either cut this bullshit off now, or be responsible for breaking her heart later.
I stepped onto the balcony and lit a cigar—looking up at the moonless sky. Even though I felt bad for ending things so abruptly, for putting her out with no explanation, I needed to get back to who the hell I was and fast before I fucked up and put my heart on the line again…
For my BFF/ultimate beta-reader/amazing assistant/shoulder to cry on whenever I’m acting crazy/ “person” like they say on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’… Tamisha Draper. ( My books would suck without you…)
To Tiffany Neal. Thank you for being the balance. You’ll always be the perfect balance…
To Natasha Gentile…How did you become my friend? LOL
And for the F.L.Y. crew: I fucking love you more than you’ll ever know…
Prologue
Several months ago…
Andrew
It was all there in black and white, front and center, no filler.
Although the facts were skewed and The New York Timeshad once again neglected to post my photo, the damage to my firm—Henderson & Hart, was now done. And I knew exactly what was about to occur, step by step.
I’d seen it happen in this city too many times before.
First, the top clients who’d sworn to always stay by my side would call and say that they “suddenly” found new representation. Then the employees would file letters of resignation—knowing that having a tainted firm on their resumes would hinder their careers. Next, the investors would call—pretending to sympathize as they publicly denounced me in the media and promptly pulled all funding.
Last, and most unfortunately, I was sure to become another hotshot lawyer who ruined his career before it could even begin.
“How much longer do you think you’ll be able to get away with stalking Emma?” The private investigator I hired stepped beside me.
“She’s my fucking daughter. I’m not stalking her.”
“Five hundred feet.” He lit a cigarette. “That’s how far you’re supposed to be.”
“Are they treating her right during the week?”
He sighed and handed me a stack of photos. “Private preschool, early tap-dance lessons, and weekends at the park as you can clearly see. She’s fine.”
“Does she still cry at night?”
“Sometimes.”
“Does she still beg to see me? Does she—”
I stopped talking once Emma’s blue eyes met mine from the swings. Squealing, she jumped off her seat and ran towards me.
“Daddyyyy! Dadddyyy!” She shouted, but she was picked up before she made it any closer. She was taken away and put inside a car just as she started to cry.
Fuck…
I immediately sat up in bed, realizing that I wasn’t in New York City’s Central Park. I was in Durham, North Carolina, and I was having another nightmare.
Glancing at the clock on my wall, I saw that it was just past one o’clock. The calendar hanging directly above it only confirmed that I’d been living here for far too long.
All the research I’d done six years ago—weighing the pros and cons, checking the records of all the top firms, and scouring the make-up of women on Date-Match, was now seemingly invalid: The condo I purchased was a mere remnant of what had been advertised, there was only one firm worthy of my time, and the pool of fuck-worthy women was dwindling by the day.
Just hours ago, I’d gone on a date with a woman who told me she was a kindergarten teacher with a penchant for the color red and history books. In reality, she was twice my age, color blind, and she just wanted to “remember what some good cock felt like.”
Frustrated, I slipped out of bed and walked down the hallway—straightening the “E” and “H” frames that hung on the wall while trying not to look too hard.
I was going to need more than my usual few shots to get through tonight, and I was starting to become extremely annoyed that I hadn’t fucked someone in what felt like forever.
I poured two shots of bourbon and tossed them down back to back. Before I could pour another, my phone vibrated. An email.
Alyssa.
Subject: Performance Quality.
Dear Thoreau,
I’m sure that right now you’re in the middle of fucking yet another conquest, and are seconds away from giving her your infamous “One dinner. One night. No repeats.” line, but I was just thinking about something and HAD to email you…
If you enjoy sex as much as you claim you do, why do you only insist on one night? Why not a strictly friends with benefits relationship so you won’t have so many dry spells? (I mean, this is day thirty of “Operation: Still No Pussy” for you, correct?)
I’m actually starting to wonder if the only reason you give one night is because you already know that your performance won’t be good enough to warrant another...
Having a subpar dick isn’t the end of the world.
—Alyssa.
I shook my head and typed a response.
Subject: Re: Performance Quality.
Dear Alyssa,
Unfortunately, I am not in the middle of fucking another conquest. Instead I’m busy typing a response to your latest ridiculous email.
This is indeed day thirty of your appropriately named, “Operation: Still No Pussy,” but since I’ve fucked you over the phone and made you cum, it hasn’t been a complete failure…
I do in fact enjoy sex—my cock has an insatiable appetite for it, but I’ve told you countless times that I don’t do relationships. Ever.
I refuse to even address your last paragraph, as I’ve never received a single complaint about my “performance” and my cock is farfrom being subpar.
You are quite correct in your closing statement though: Having a subpar dick really isn’t the end of the world.
Having an un-fucked pussy is.
—Thoreau.
My phone rang immediately.
“Seriously?” Alyssa blurted out when I answered. “Does your message really say what I think it says?”
“Have you suddenly forgotten how to read?”
“You are ridiculous!” She laughed. “What happened to your date tonight?”
“It was another fucking liar…”
“Aww. Poor Thoreau. I was really hoping the thirtieth day would be the charm.”
I rolled my eyes and made another drink. “Is living vicariously through my sex life your newfound hobby?”
“Of course not.” Her light laughter drifted over the line, and I could hear the sound of papers shuffling in the background. “I’ve been meaning to ask you: Where are you from?”
“What do you mean, where am I from?”
“Exactly what I asked,” she said. “You can’t be from the South. There’s no drawl or even a hint of an accent in your voice.”
I hesitated. “I’m from New York City.”
“New York?” Her voice rose an octave. “Why would you ever leave there to come to Durham?”
“It’s personal.”
“I can’t imagine ever wanting to leave New York. It seems so perfect. And there’s just something about the lights and the lives of people who stay there, how they all must have these huge dreams and…”
I tuned her out and tossed back my shot. Her poetical waxing about that desolate place needed to be put to a stop. Fast.
“And wouldn’t the law firms in New York be far more alluring than the ones here?” She was still talking. “Like, one of my favorite—”
“What’s the name of that ballet you’re auditioning for this year?” I cut her off.
“ Swan Lake.” She always dropped the subject if I said anything about ballet. “Why?”
“Just wondering. When is the audition?”
“A few months from now. I’m trying as hard as I can to balance my classes—” She cleared her throat. “I mean, I’m trying really hard to balance my case loads with my practice time.”
“Why don’t you just ask your boss if you can work weekends in exchange for a couple weekdays off?”
“I’m pretty sure that won’t work.”
“Of course it would work,” I said. “There’s a lawyer at my firm who works Saturdays through Wednesdays so he can pursue music. If the firm you work for is worth a damn, they’ll be flexible with you.”
“Yeah, um, I guess I’ll have to look into that…”
Silence.
“What firm do you work for?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you that.”
“What’s one of the partners’ names?”
“I can’t tell you that either.”
“But you can tell me how deep you want my cock to be buried inside of you later tonight?”
She sucked in a short breath, a sexy sound that drove me insane the more I heard it.
“How much longer do you think I’m going to put up with just talking to you on the phone, Alyssa?”
“For as long as I want you to.” Her voice sounded more confident now.
“You think I’m going to talk to you for another month without being able to fuck you? Without being able to see you in person?”
“I think you’ll talk to me for several months without fucking me. As a matter of fact, I think you’ll talk to me for yearswithout fucking me because I’m your friend, and friends—”
“If I haven’t fucked you within the next month or two, we won’t be friendsanymore.”
“You want to bet?”
“I don’t have to.” I hung up and grabbed my laptop, ready to give Date-Match another try. The second I clicked the prettiest woman on the page, an email from Alyssa popped onto my screen.
Subject: Trust Me.
You and I will still be friends a few months from now, and you’ll be completely okay with not seeing my face.
Watch.
—Alyssa.
Subject: Re: Trust Me.
You and I will be fuckinga few months from now, and the only reason I’ll be okay with not seeing your face is because you’ll be riding my cock as I bend your ass over a table.
Watch.
—Thoreau.