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After three rounds of sex, we were lying together in bed. Rush was rubbing gently over my stomach, and the baby started kicking. He placed his head on my belly and spoke to it. “I’m sorry for all that commotion. You can have your mommy back to yourself for a little while. But I might need her again soon.”

Smiling like a fool, I could definitely get used to his conversations with the baby.

Rush cradled me in his arms. “I already told your dad that you’re moving in with me.”

I looked up at him in surprise. While it didn’t shock me that he wanted me to move in with him, I wasn’t sure if that was the greatest idea. Despite my doubts, I just couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to live apart from him, and moving into his place made the most sense.

Still, I couldn’t help expressing my concerns. “I would love nothing more than to live in that beautiful house and to make a home for us there…although maybe it would be a good idea if I kept my apartment for a while, too…just in case.”

Rush looked almost irate. “Fuck, Gia. I thought I told you to trust me. What do you mean…keep your apartment?”

“I do trust you…I just…feel like we’ve gone from zero to a hundred overnight. Might be smart for me to keep it for a while. It wouldn’t be forever…just until after the baby is born.”

He glared at me, the pain in his eyes palpable. “You think I’m gonna bail on you when the baby is born?”

There was simply no way to avoid admitting my concern to him. It was one thing to be okay with all of this when the baby was in my stomach. But once he or she was here and he looked into its eyes, how would he really feel? He believed he could love this baby…but how would he really know? What if it looked just like Elliott, and that caused Rush to snap? That was a worst-case scenario, of course, but I couldn’t help wondering if that was even a remote possibility.

“I didn’t say that I believed you would bail. I just…can’t believe that you can say with one-hundred percent certainty that you know how you’ll feel until the baby is actually here.”

He looked so angry and frustrated with me for my lack of faith. “This is my fault,” he finally said.

“It’s my fault that you’re still doubting us. I led you to believe I couldn’t handle any of this. And maybe it’s not fair of me to expect you to feel confident overnight. I’ve done nothing to really prove anything to you, except give you my word. Time is what we need. So fine…keep the apartment if it makes you feel safer. I’ll pay for it, and you can have it as a safety net. But you’re not going to need it.”

I straightened up against the headboard. “I’m not letting you pay.”

“Gia…this isn’t up for argument. You’re keeping it because of me, because I made you believe you needed to. I’m paying for the damn apartment.”

The next afternoon, Rush and I packed a bunch of my things into the Benz and drove them to his house.

I waited in his bedroom as he brought the boxes inside one by one. As I looked around at the massive space and the ocean just outside the French doors, there was only one word to describe how I was feeling: undeserving.

Rush walked over to his closet and started pushing his clothes to one side. “I obviously wasn’t prepared for all of your stuff. But we’ll figure it out. I can move my shit to the downstairs closet if this is not enough room for you.”

“You shouldn’t have to move anything anywhere. This is your house.”

He stopped moving for a moment, then turned to me. “That’s where you’re wrong. As of today, it’s our house.”

He was now unpacking my ugly dolls one by one and placing them all in a row on the top shelf of his closet. Something about that touched me so much. To see my dolls taking permanent residence in Rush’s closet was a very emotional experience.

Rush could see that I was starting to tear up and stopped what he was doing. “You know what?

Let’s forget about unpacking for a while. The sun’s about to go down. Let’s go chill outside and watch it.” He reached his hand out to help me off the bed. “Come on.”

Turns out, gazing at the sun setting over the ocean was just what the doctor ordered. My mood improved significantly with each minute that Rush and I sat out on his balcony and took in the salty air. The ocean was the best medicine, and I knew I’d be spending a lot of time out here in the coming weeks.

“I have an important question to ask you,” he said suddenly.

My heart was pounding. Please don’t let it be a marriage proposal. I could never accept that now.

Not until the baby was born, and I knew things would be okay. I really didn’t think that was what it was, but my heart and mind were racing nevertheless.

I cleared my throat. “What is it?”

“You know…this place is beautiful…but it’s never really felt like home, because living alone never feels like home. It was just a house. And after I met you, it started to feel even emptier whenever I was here by myself. Because in contrast to how I feel when I’m with you, everything is empty. The only way this house could ever be a home is with you in it.”

I squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

“Here’s the thing. This house could burn down tomorrow, right? Anything can happen in life. We just don’t know. I was up last night trying to figure out all of the ways I could convince you to trust in me, to believe that I don’t have any intention of walking away. And I came to the conclusion that I was approaching it the wrong way.”

“What do you mean?”

“To expect to be able to prove something a hundred percent is stupid. Even the smallest shred of doubt is still doubt. And it’s normal to have doubts, because there is always uncertainty in life. We live every day knowing that there’s a possibility we could die. Yet, we get up every day and do what we need to do anyway. Life shouldn’t be about constantly trying to prove that we’re safe from getting hurt. Life should be about living with uncertainty while we watch beautiful sunsets with the people we love.”

Man, that was beautiful, and it made so much sense. I was waiting for something I would never really get: certainty. I’d probably always fear losing Rush. It was something I had to learn to live with.

“So, my question to you, Gia, is this: will you be uncertain with me?”

It was amazing what a difference a new perspective could make.

Be uncertain. Live anyway.

He was totally right. I’d been waiting for a safe feeling. It might never come. There would always be fear of losing him for one reason or another. And in focusing on the fear…I was losing the one thing that ever mattered…the only thing that ever really existed: today.

I let go and took a deep breath. “Yes. Yes, I will be uncertain with you.”

In that moment, for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. I gave up the fight to figure out tomorrow and chose to live for today.

Later that night, Rush was taking a shower when I decided to take a walk around the house. I stopped in the nursery and flicked the light on.

Everything was exactly the way it was when he’d first shown it to me. I ran my index finger along the mobile hanging over the crib. Despite everything we’d been through, Rush had never changed a thing in this room. That spoke volumes about his intentions all along.

I started to talk to my belly. “You’re so lucky, you know that? You’re gonna have the best daddy, who loves and protects you—just like I had. Except, unlike me…you’ll have a mommy who loves you, too.”

I felt the baby kick. “But, God, you’d better be a boy. Tony could handle a girl…but Rush? I don’t know. I feel bad for any of the boys being born right about now if you turn out to be a girl.”

His voice startled me. “You talking to my baby?”

His baby.

“Yes. We’re talking about you.”

“Nothing bad I hope, because when he takes one look at me, that’s gonna be terrifying enough. I might scare the shit out of him. So, I need you to put in a good word in the meantime.”