That took a few seconds to sink in.
“A daughter?”
“Yes.” Gia was beaming.
Caressing her little face with my thumb, I watched in awe as Gia tried to get the baby to latch onto her breast. “How could I have been so wrong?” I laughed as I lowered myself down to kiss her head again, taking in her scent. She smelled so sweet—she smelled like Gia. I loved her so much already that my heart was literally hurting from the feeling.
As we sat there in silence, fear started to fill me. This was gonna be a long eighteen years. Let’s face it…more than that—a lifetime. All of the visions of doing manly things with my son went out the window. What did I know about having a girl? Nothing. All I knew was that I already loved her more than life itself. That would have to be enough until I could figure this out.
A doctor suddenly walked in. “Hello! Congratulations. Just checking in.” He turned to me. “I’m Dr. Barnes. You are?”
I looked him dead in the eyes and answered, “Fucked. I have a daughter. I’m fucked.”
20
It had only been one day, but it already felt like we’d had her forever, like I couldn’t imagine a time without her.
We still hadn’t named our little girl. We had a ton of boy names picked out but nothing for a girl, so we needed to really think on it.
Rush had just come in with lunch from the Mexican place down the street. The baby was sleeping next to me in the little hospital crib after her last feeding. My dad had just left. It was the perfect window to grab a bite to eat before someone came in to check my vitals or the baby woke up to nurse.
Just as I’d unwrapped my burrito, an unexpected visitor appeared in the doorway.
Rush’s mouth was full when he wiped his hands. He looked shocked when he said, “Edward…”
He nodded. “Heathcliff.”
Edward was overdressed, wearing a long, wool overcoat.
Rush stood up and moved in front of the crib. It seemed like he was instinctively protecting our daughter. “What are you doing here?”
“Lauren told me where to find you. I came to see my granddaughter…and to talk to you.”
It was surprising to see Edward here, not only because of his relationship with Rush, but because of his health. He must have had a driver waiting right outside to take him immediately back home.
Edward looked down at the sleeping baby. “She’s beautiful like her mother.”
I swallowed, not knowing how to respond. “Thank you.”
He looked at Rush. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“No. Anything you have to say, you can say in front of Gia.”
“Okay.” Edward slowly sat down. “Something has been weighing on me for months.”
Rush took a seat and sucked in his jaw. “Alright…”
“When you came to my hospital room with Elliott, to propose your agreement, I said some things that I need to explain, namely that getting your mother pregnant was the biggest regret of my life, that you were a burden.”
“Yeah…I definitely heard it all the first time. You don’t need to rehash.”
My heart was breaking for Rush. That bastard. I never knew he’d said all that. Why did he even come here?
Edward looked like he was struggling with his words. “I need you to know that I didn’t mean a word of it. I knew what was needed to get Elliott to sign to your agreement. He needed my approval, as he does with every decision he makes. I knew if I didn’t choose my words wisely, that he might never give you the freedom you needed. So I lied and said those things to convince him to give you what you wanted, to sway things in your favor. It was the least I could do for you.”
Rush stayed silent while Edward went on.
“I heard a lot of the things you said to me when I was in the hospital. I couldn’t open my eyes or speak, but that didn’t mean everything you said and did went unnoticed. Although I don’t understand why you felt the need to be there when my behavior toward you over the years has been less than admirable, I want you to know how thankful I am for that and how proud I am of the man that you’ve become, even though I never say it.” Edward let out a shaky breath. “You are not my biggest regret. My biggest regret is that I never knew how to be a father to you. That’s something I can’t ever change and something I will regret until the end of my days.”
There was a long moment of silence.
Rush, who hadn’t been looking at Edward, finally turned to him. “Okay. Is that all you came to say?”
“No.” He stood up slowly. “I’ve created a trust for your daughter. It will contain a significant inheritance when she turns eighteen.”
“I don’t want your money.”
“You don’t have a choice in the matter. It will be in her name regardless of how you feel. She can make the decision at that time as to what she wants to do with the money. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve set it up. I’ll have my attorney forward all of the details.” Edward walked over to the crib. He reached his hand inside and brushed a finger along his granddaughter’s cheek before turning his attention toward me. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” I said. My ability to talk seemed to be limited to those two words since he’d arrived.
And then Edward simply walked out.
Rush, who’d been stoic throughout his visit, closed his eyes briefly and let out a breath. Then I saw a single teardrop fall from his eyes. As much as Rush tried to have people believe that he didn’t need his father’s love, that was far from the truth. And even though I suspected things would never
be great between Edward and Rush, I was happy that our daughter’s birth could help Edward admit to some of his mistakes and do what he could to atone for them.
Rush turned to me as he wiped his eyes. “You didn’t just see that, okay?”
I smiled and whispered, “Okay.”
A nurse walked in with some paperwork. “So, not to pressure you, but here is the birth certificate form. It would be best if you could select a name for your daughter before you leave the hospital, so we can help you process everything. I’ll leave it here with you.”
Rush looked at me as he held our nameless kid. “Damn…we’d better decide, huh?”
We were no closer to a name than we were yesterday, having vetoed all of each other’s suggestions.
Rush looked down at the baby in his arms. “You know what the problem is? There’s no name good enough for my beautiful angel. Nothing is good enough.”
Then it hit me.
That was it!
The angel hanging in his car.
The winged women he drew who looked like they were part-angel, part-fairy.
“Why not Angel, then?” I asked.
He scratched his chin. “Hmm. I never even thought of that.” Rush looked at her for several seconds then smiled. “I think I freaking love that, actually.” He bent down to kiss her head. “My angel’s name is…Angel. It’s perfect.”
That night, Rush must have thought I was asleep in my hospital bed when he began talking in a low voice to our daughter.
I was turned away from him and had been napping, so he couldn’t see that I was awake.
“I’m gonna screw up a lot, Angel. I just know it. I need you to bear with me, okay? I promise to try my best. I’m never gonna let you down intentionally, but it will happen unintentionally sometimes.
I can guarantee you that.”
I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I listened to his one-sided conversation.
“Like…I’ll give you a prime example. I don’t know if you realize this…but I screwed up in a big way right out of the gate. I missed your birth. What father does that? You probably didn’t even know. You might have been a little too busy, you know, coming into the world and all to notice, but yeah. I wasn’t here. And I will always kick myself for that because I can never get that moment back. Ever.”
I could hear him kiss her.
“Someday I’ll tell you why I was late.” He paused. “Okay…you convinced me. I’ll tell you now.