“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. And although your offer was extremely generous, I’m not going to be staying out here after our summer share is up.”
Rush had been staring out the window straight ahead even after he’d pulled to the curb. He finally turned to me. “What? Why?”
“I need to do this myself, Rush. If I’m here with you, I’m going to just keep leaning on you, and that’s not fair to either of us.”
He looked back and forth between my eyes. “I want you to lean on me.”
I touched his arm. “I know you do. Because you’re a good man, Rush. But it’s only going to make it harder to walk away at some point. And I will keep you from moving on. Look at what happened the other night when you tried to be with another woman. You’re the most loyal man I’ve ever met. I realize now that you aren’t going to move on with me out here, even though you want to. And, honestly, neither will I.” I felt tears welling in my eyes. “So I think it’s time. Sometimes you have to let go of the things you never really had.”
Rush’s head hung with his eyes shut, so I used the opportunity to get out of the car before he saw me break down. “Thanks for taking me today, Rush.”
I made it to the door holding back my emotions, but by the time I tried to put the key in the lock, the unshed tears had blurred my vision, and I dropped my keys on the floor. I bent down, but a large hand scooped them up before I could.
Rush’s voice was close behind me when I stood, but I couldn’t turn around.
“I’m an idiot,” he said with a strained low voice. It made my tears fall faster. I stared straight ahead at the door.
“No. You’re not. I’m the idiot.”
“You said I’m the most loyal man you’ve ever met. That’s my biggest fear. That I can’t live up to that. That part of me is just like my father. You see me the way you want to see me. Not as a man who’s fucked a dozen different women each summer and never wondered that I might be hurting them in the wake of walking out the door the next morning.”
I turned around and found tears in Rush’s eyes, too. Reaching up, I wiped one cheek with my thumb, then the other. “They were consenting adults. You didn’t promise them anything or lead them on.
Loyalty is pledging the truth to yourself and others. You were always truthful in what you wanted from them. But what you’ve given me is also your truth, and it’s because you are so loyal that I have to be the one to walk away.” I put my hand over his heart. “You pledged to be there for me in here.
And if I stay, you will be. Because your loyalty is unwavering. That’s the reason I have to go, because it’s your loyalty that won’t let you be the person to walk away.”
Rush looked down and took a few deep breaths. I knew showing me how vulnerable he is wasn’t easy, so I didn’t push. When he looked back up, he stared straight into my eyes. “You’ve always really had it.”
“Your loyalty?”
He shook his head. “You said, sometimes you have to let go of the things you never really had.
You’ve had my love since day one. You’ve had me since day one. I was just too chicken-shit to admit it.”
My heart started to beat faster. I tried to stop it, afraid of allowing myself to get my hopes up for fear that he was saying something other than what I wanted to think he meant. But inside of my chest thundered like a runaway train.
Rush cupped both my cheeks. “Gia Mirabelli, I’m so fucking in love with you, that I can’t think straight. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you leave. Not from this house. Not from The Heights. Not from my life. It scares the shit out of me, but I realized today seeing that little boy on the screen, that I’m not just in love with you. I’m in love with that little alien you have growing inside of you already.
I want it all. I want the fucked-up dolls in my closets. I want to hold your hair back when you’re puking your brains out. I want to eat Chunky Monkey with you out of the container while we lie in bed naked at two in the morning. And I definitely, most definitely, want to be the one to take care of you when you have a heightened sexual appetite.”
Tears streamed down my face. Of all the things he’d just pledged, for some stupid reason, I got stuck on the ice cream. Maybe it’s because deep down I already knew he wanted to hold my hair back and take care of me, but I thought he might be nuts for thinking he was going to want me as the months passed. “I’m going to be big and fat from all that Chunky Monkey.”
He took a step closer and ran his hand along the curve of my hip. “Bring it on. I’ve been imagining you about fifty pounds heavier and round while I jerked off the last few days. I think I might keep you that way after the pregnancy.”
I laughed, yet as crazy as he sounded, I knew he was telling me the truth. “I think you’re a little insane.”
His beautiful face turned serious again. “I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you away and making you feel bad. But I’m done being a pussy. I want you despite all of my own fears that have nothing to do with you, and despite the fact that you probably deserve someone better than me. Please forgive me, and tell me you’ll stay and be with me. Really be with me this time.”
I didn’t have to think about the question. Although I probably should’ve given him some warning that my response was going to be more than just vocal. I jumped up and into Rush’s arms, causing him to stumble back a few steps and almost fall as he staggered off the front porch. “Yes! Yes!” I planted a kiss on his teeth when he opened his mouth to laugh.
Shaking his head, he said, “Can we move this inside now? I’m thinking it’s about time we seal the deal on this relationship.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. I’d told Rush to make himself comfortable while I locked myself into the bathroom to get control of my nerves. I’d been with this man. He’d already seen my body naked and went down on me. And not ten minutes ago he’d professed his love for me and the unborn child of another man. Yet I was literally shaking. I brushed my teeth, rinsed my mouth and stared at my reflection a few more minutes. “He said he loves you. Now what are you waiting for?”
A soft knock came at the door. “Everything okay in there?”
“Yes. I’ll be right out.”
Ten minutes later, when I was still inside trying to will my legs to leave the bathroom, there was another knock at the door. “Gia?”
It sounded like he was right on the other side of the door. I walked over and leaned my head against it from this side. “Yeah.”
“I’m nervous, too. If it helps any.”
My shoulders loosened. “You are?”
“Yep. You scare the living shit out of me.”
I smiled, but still didn’t open the door. “Why are we so scared of each other right now, Rush?”
“Because when you finally accept that you found the one, it’s terrifying that you might lose them and then there’d never be another.”
I think my heart actually swelled in my chest a little. “Oh my God. That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.”
“Oh yeah?” he said. “Well, come out here and let me do romantic things to you, beautiful.”
Taking a deep breath, I unlocked the door and opened it. His smile made my knees weak as he extended his hand to me. Placing my hand in his felt monumental, like it was my heart I was surrendering. Rush had been so sweet, so open, yet none of those things made me relax like when he abruptly yanked my hand and tugged me against him hard. The little rough around the edges felt like my Rush again. My Rush.