I yelled, hard and harsh, the sound bouncing around. Anger coursed through me. I stood up and tossed my chair across the room. Every muscle was tight as I searched for more to destroy, to quell the overwhelming pain consuming me.
I wanted Lila to be mine in every way, and she was going to pay the price for my selfishness with her life.
Should we stay, or should we run? They’d still find us, so we’d only be delaying the inevitable, but there was always the small chance they wouldn’t. There was also the fact that my family would be put in danger.
It was the end of days.
I picked up something from my desk and hurled it, indifferent to what it was, then found another object. I was lost in a sea of destruction, searching for the way, pushing past it all. A chair leg in my hand crunched as it slammed into the monitor, cracking through the photos and turning it black.
I then took it to the walls, beating them in as I begged a higher power to take it all away.
“Nate?” Lila stood in the doorway, staring at me.
I stopped, my breath coming out in heavy pants, and looked around. Papers, glass, and wood splinters were spread out all around me.
I said I would protect her with my life, and the fates were going to take me up on my offer.
The light faded, sun setting off in the distance.
Lila and I were sitting on the balcony, only it wasn’t the balcony on our condo. It was the deck in my backyard in Carmel—which was odd, because I’d never taken Lila there. I didn’t even own the house anymore—it sold two years ago.
I hadn’t even lived in it since before the accident. I couldn’t after Grace died.
Two stories, nearly four thousand square feet, over a half acre lot—suburbia.
Lila smiled at me, her hand running over her baby bump. She sipped her lemonade and stared out at the sunset. I reached out and ran my fingers down her arm.
A shiver ran through me as her image flickered, changing. Blue eyes turned to me—Grace.
“Do you really think it will be any different this time?”
“What?”
“Miscarriage after miscarriage—do you really think that will change with Lila?”
The scenery shifted, the sky darkened, and I was in my condo. Moonlight filtered in, exposing the starkness that was life before Lila.
There was no furniture in the living room, only a box—the box.
My chest tightened as I stared at it. Why was it there?
“Will you make another box of secrets? Another place to hide the evidence of your past?” Grace walked over and kneeled in front of it. Her fingers ran around the edges and then she flipped the clasp.
My hand shot out. “Wait!”
She turned to me. “Wait for what? Don’t you want to see what’s in here?”
No. I was certain I didn’t want that.
She raised the lid and set it back.
“Wow.” Grace went silent as she looked at whatever was on top. She turned to me and held up a photo of my wedding with Lila. “You really were meant for each other.”
I began to shake, the tightness around my chest squeezed. “W-why is that in there?”
Grace blinked at me. “Why wouldn’t it be? She’s dead, just like me.”
I shook my head. “No. No, she’s not.”
Grace stood and walked forward, another photo in her hand. My eyes widened, tears filling them as she held up a photo of Lila staring blankly at me, blood everywhere.
“Of course she is. She’s married to you. Don’t tell me you really think you can keep her safe.” Her hand caressed my cheek, her eyes sad. “Nate, she was dead the moment you met her.”
My eyes squeezed tight, and I shook my head. “No! I can keep her safe.”
She stroked through my hair. “Really? I thought you weren’t going to be naïve any longer.”
My eyes snapped open, and I stared at the pain in hers. She leaned forward and kissed me. When she pulled back, it wasn’t Grace, but Lila who stared back at me.
“Do you really think you can keep me alive? Keep us alive?” She looked down, her hand running soothing circles on her round stomach.
It felt like there was a vice locked down around me. “I will do anything to keep you safe.”
She stepped back, pain filling her face. “Why aren’t you seeing it? Why are you blind?”
My brow scrunched. “I don’t understand.”
The air swirled around, lightning cracking. She closed the distance between us in the skittering blink of an eye, her face inches from mine.
“Lila will still be dead.”
I sat up. Confusion filled me, and it took me a moment to realize I was in our bedroom. My breath was coming out in hard, harsh pants as I took in the darkness.
Dream. It was all a dream.
I looked next to me to find Lila inches away, staring at me with wide, worried eyes. The constriction around my chest loosened and a strangled croak escaped me. She moved closer and wrapped her arms around me, holding me close.
“Shhh, I’m here. I’m with you, baby. We’re going to be okay.”
That was the moment I knew Lila held my weight on her shoulders. I was dragging us both down, and it made me face with the horrible truth I’d denied—Lila wouldn’t live without me.
The only way to save her was to save myself, and there was no way to do that.
CHAPTER 23
The day was long, and I was ready to get home. My workout with Jared left me exhausted and in desperate need of a shower. He was pushing me harder, to beat all the pain, fear, and anxiety that consumed me out and into the pads and the bag.
It helped a lot, and I was thankful for another physical release, but it didn’t change the truth. Marconi was coming for us.
In the back of my mind, I’d been working on a contingency plan—a getaway. Working it out in real life without them finding out was harder than I imagined. Who could I trust, and of those few, who wasn’t being watched?
When I stepped into our condo, dread washed over me.
Silent.
Black.
Nothing.
“Lila?”
I closed and locked the door behind me, then set my bag down. Silence remained. Her car was in the parking lot, so I knew she had to be here.
The echo of my footsteps on the tile accentuated the quiet, along with the hammering in my chest. I flipped light switches as I moved through the condo, scanning rooms for anything out of the ordinary. The anxiety rocketed, adrenaline pumping through me as I fought off my fears.
Everything was right where it was supposed to be. I didn’t know if that was good or bad.
Glowing yellow drew me to our bedroom, the light from the bathroom spilling out into the room. Lila sat against the wall. She was biting her lip, her hands tangled together, fidgeting.
“What happened?” I asked, rushing to her side.
She blinked back tears as she slid up the wall. “Nothing… Well, not nothing.”
Her eyes fell down, staring at my chest. A buzzing fear wrapped itself around me. Lila usually told me everything. The only time she’d pause was because she was afraid I’d fly off the handle.
I swallowed hard and raised her head so that our eyes met. “Lila, tell me.”