She never would.
“I can come with you,” Seth had offered. “I can have someone look after Floyd while we’re gone.”
“But what about that assignment you have with Tanya?”
Harper launched into geek speak, telling her about his new laptop, courtesy of the Sentinels. He had plenty of juice to keep in touch with Tanya Spencer on the road.
“My new laptop is ubersexy. I can stay connected with New York. No worries.” He squeezed her hand and fixed his gaze on her. “I just don’t think you should make this trip alone.”
Looking into Harper’s eyes made anything possible. Jess thought about his offer as they sat in silence. She’d have to keep her explanation simple and something Seth would understand. She would avoid telling him the real reason she needed to make the trek to Wisconsin alone, mostly because she didn’t want to hear the words come out of her mouth.
If her mother had anything to do with how she ended up with a serial pedophile, Jessie wasn’t sure how she would handle that. She’d rather face that reality alone and deal with it on her own terms. And if there had been a reason why she was never claimed by a family after her ordeal as a child, maybe Chief Tobias Cook might know what it was.
“I appreciate the offer, Seth, but I think this is something I’m gonna do on my own. I hope you understand.”
Of all people, Harper would understand her need to uncover the truth about her mother by herself. For years, he’d been dealing with the fragile relationship he’d had with his father while growing up. In her eyes, Harper’s father would always be a hero, but that hadn’t been the way Seth saw it.
His old man was a retired cop who had been an AWOL dad when Harper needed him. It didn’t matter that his father had sacrificed his personal life for the sake of his job. To a small boy, that didn’t matter. And in a strange show of irony that life often dished out, now Harper was responsible for his father’s care after dementia had sidelined him at a nursing home with no one else to take care of him. Seth had dealt with his burden on his own, too, even after he and Jessie had met and grown close. Sometimes, family problems hit too close to home to share with anyone.
“Yeah, guess I do. Family stuff can really mess with your head,” he said. “But I want you to call me, anytime. You hear?”
“Yeah, I will.”
“Don’t say that unless you mean it, Jessie. Swear to me.”
“Pinkie swear.” She raised her hand and offered her pinkie. When Seth took it with his, she added, “I’ll call you.”
Under the table, Floyd sprawled at her feet and groaned. When he moved, the dog passed gas. Jessie tried hard not to take it personally.
“Oh man, Floyd. Give it a rest, big guy.” Harper grimaced as he waved his hand. “Sorry about that. He must like you.”
“I’ll be sure and send him a thank-you note.”
Although Seth had covered up his disappointment well with a soft chuckle, his eyes mirrored everything he felt. She knew he was worried about her and had been disappointed she hadn’t asked him to come. In the end, he had to settle for feeding her, arranging for a reliable rental car, and stocking her sedan with Harper-worthy munchies. Field-tested eats, he’d called them. Jess didn’t get on the road until early afternoon and had nearly nine long hours ahead of her.
She’d arrive well after dark at a remote location she’d never been to. And the only ferry making the trek to Madeline Island stopped at midnight. If anything went wrong, it would be close, but lingering with Seth in Chicago had been worth it.
She ached, having to leave Harper behind. Even Floyd had grown on her. She tried to imagine living with someone else, especially someone like Harper. She kept odd hours, took risks, and had never answered to anyone. The abuse she had suffered in the past was a strong driver for the woman she had become. Could she change the way she looked at the world for him? Despite the fact that she loved Seth, how would she feel about sharing her life?
Self-doubt had always been her number one enemy. It was easier to picture Harper getting tired of her than the other way around. When anything good happened, her first response was to beat herself up over it. And things hadn’t changed much over the years. By the time she made it to Bayfield and the ferry, she had a wad of tension in her stomach the size of Floyd’s head.
“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” she muttered.
Jessie bought passage on the Madeline Island Ferry Line and pulled her vehicle onto the loading zone behind a guy in a red pickup. In no time, she was waved onto the ferry and told where to park. She could have stayed in her rental car for the half-hour ride to the island, but the moonlight dappled on the water was far too enticing. Jessie headed for the bow of the ferry and let the cool breeze tousle her hair.
In the distance, she saw the lights from La Pointe, a small town shining its beacon along the shoreline of Lake Superior. No big-city lights spoiled the incredible canopy of stars over her head. She took a deep breath and leaned against the railing, feeling incredibly small and inconsequential.
Whatever she learned the next day from Chief Cook would change everything she knew about her mother. She felt certain of that. She wanted to brace herself for what would come next, but she had no idea what that might be.
She had just begun to think her life had turned a corner, with Seth and Alexa and her best friend, Sam Cooper, in her life. And working for the Sentinels had been a step in the right direction, too. It meant she had a steady income and could leave behind her ratty Chicago apartment and the scumbags she had tracked for money as a bounty hunter, working one bail jumper at a time.
If she learned that her past was darker than she could have imagined, what new ways would she find to punish herself for coming from a crappy gene pool? Jessie shut her eyes when she felt the sting of tears. Wallowing in self-pity had its appeal, but the ferry had docked, and she’d arrived at La Pointe.
After she’d disembarked from the ferry, she got a better look at the small harbor town. The place wasn’t much more than a few dimly lit streets that intersected. A visitor would have to work damned hard to get lost.
Except for a few bars, La Pointe was closed for the night. Most of the other businesses were geared for the tourist trade. Gift shops, quaint cafés, realty offices, and motels with self-serve Laundromats lined the narrow streets. When she located the police station, it was on the main drag across from a diner and a local watering hole, with a motel only a short walk away.
“Looks like I’ve struck the mother lode.”
Jessie pulled into a parking spot near a motel that had a flashing red neon sign claiming it had a vacancy. Once she got out of her car, the sound of waves ebbing against the shoreline haunted her memory like a tune she was desperately trying to remember. La Pointe had triggered something in her that she couldn’t quite put a finger on.
Only occasional laughter and jukebox music coming from a nearby bar interrupted her trip down memory lane. The remote location and the small size of the town made her wonder about her connection to it all. The place probably had a thriving tourist trade, and, during the day, it no doubt had its merits; but at night, it left her feeling lonely and on edge. Every shadow held demons from a past she needed to know more about.
How did you end up here, Beck?
Standing outside her car, Jessie looked around. There wasn’t much to see this time of night, but she got a real hinky vibe when she thought about living in a town like this. There’d be no place to hide from who you were, and everyone would know your business, or think they knew it. Living in a place like La Pointe would be a disaster for someone like her. That was why living with hordes of strangers, like she had in Chicago and New York, had been a major relief. Except for Sam and Harper, no one knew her story. And she could reinvent herself whenever she felt the need.