“My dad was all calm and cool. Goddamn fucking hero tried to talk some sense into that piece of shit, even offered to give him the last of our cash just to get him the hell out of the store. But when my dad reached for his wallet, the guy swung his gun around and fired without even thinking.” Hudson’s entire body tensed. “The round nailed him in the chest and he hit the floor. I didn’t know what to do. He was struggling to breathe and there was blood everywhere, so I pressed my hands on the wound.” His voice cracked. “I couldn’t stop it. The blood kept oozing between my fingers.”
Allie’s throat tightened as the scene Hudson was describing played out in perfect clarity in her mind.
“The guy took one look at my dad and ran like hell. My mom and Nick had watched the whole scene from the parking lot. Someone must have kept Nicky back but my mom was right there in seconds, screaming and crying. The whole thing was total chaos but slow-mo at the same time. People shouting, sirens in the distance, and blood . . . so much fucking blood.” His grip tightened on her hand. “My father died before the paramedics arrived. I’ll never forget the moment his eyes lost focus and his hand let go of mine.”
Hot tears slid down Allie’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Hudson.”
“If I would have been content with a fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwich, my dad would still be alive. My mother would still be alive. Nick would have never spun out of control. Everything about our lives would have turned out differently. We could have been happy, but I fucked everything up.”
“You think everything that’s happened since then is somehow all your fault?”
He gazed at her incredulously. “The chain of events started that night.”
And there it was, the sobering guilt that Hudson carried on his shoulders. It was what drove his every action, what haunted him even in his sleep.
“You were just a kid. That’s what kids do, they harass their parents.”
“They’re dead because of me. Nick was taken away because of my actions. There isn’t an apology adequate for what I caused, nor any forgiveness for it.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Hudson.” Her voice was soft, but the unwavering conviction was clear. “Your mother obviously had problems that ran far deeper than this, but Nick certainly doesn’t blame you. In case you haven’t noticed, he thinks you hung the moon.” She gave him a small, reassuring smile. “And from what you’ve told me about your dad, I imagine the last thing he would want is for you to be putting yourself through this hell.” Allie rested her free hand on the back of Hudson’s neck, her fingers stroking through the damp hair at his nape. “You have to forgive yourself.”
He frowned. “Easier said than done.”
They were quiet for a few moments before Allie broke the silence. “Thank you.”
He met her gaze with questioning eyes. “For what?”
“For trusting me enough to let me in. I want to share everything with you, Hudson, the good and the bad. And I want to help you work through this, but I’m not a professional. Will you at least consider talking to someone about this?”
He let out a resigned sigh. “I’ll consider it. For you.”
Allie knew he needed to seek help for himself, not just because she wanted him to. But she also knew it had been a huge step for him to open up to her, and that considering therapy was an even bigger leap. For that she was profoundly grateful. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”
The look that flashed in his eyes told her he was back from the darkness. “Enough to drop this whole sex embargo?” he asked, cocking a lopsided grin.
“Not a chance.” She laughed, then her expression softened. “But I’d like to stay here with you for a bit if you don’t mind.”
Hudson smiled as he pulled her to lie next to him on the couch, her back to his front. “I thought I made myself clear last night,” he said, nuzzling her neck. “I want you to stay with me forever.”
Chapter Eighteen
Allie squinted at the clock above the fireplace mantel. The bright light filling the room told her it was at least late morning, but still, she hadn’t expected both hands to be pointing to the twelve. Normally she didn’t sleep half the day away, but the past few weeks had obviously taken their toll. And talking with Hudson in the middle of the night had brought her a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in a very long time. There was still so much that was unresolved, but the last barrier had fallen. They were a team, and they would face their obstacles together, head-on.
Beside her, Hudson stirred in his sleep and his arm tightened around her waist. Allie closed her eyes and relished the feel of his body pressed along the length of hers. Lying next to him in that sleepy fog that hovered just at the brink of consciousness was one of her favorite ways to start the day. And this wasn’t just any day. It was her wedding day.
Her wedding day.
The last remnants of sleep vanished instantly and Allie bolted upright. Her hands flew to cover Hudson’s face. “Don’t open your eyes.”
Hudson groaned and a sleepy smile curved his lips. “I do have blindfolds for this kind of thing, Alessandra,” he said, his voice thick with sleep. “Although I’d prefer if you were the one wearing it.”
Allie rolled her eyes even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “That’s not what I meant. I don’t want you to see me.”
He chuckled. “I promise to still marry you despite your bedhead.”
“Funny, Chase. But unless you want to postpone the wedding to another day, keep your eyes closed. It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony.”
“You’re not seriously subscribing to that superstition, are you?”
“Given our track record, I’m not taking any chances. We need all the good mojo we can get. So do we have a deal?”
“Far be it for me to mess with mojo.” He smiled beneath her hands. “I will keep my eyes closed. You have my word.”
Allie slipped from the couch and scurried to one of the guest bedrooms. Once she was locked safely inside, she called out to him. “All clear.”
A moment later there was a tap at the door. “How long do you plan on staying in there?” Hudson asked from the other side.
“Well, that depends. How long until the ceremony?”
“Four hours.”
“Then I plan on staying in here for four hours.”
A deep laugh vibrated from the other side of the door. “No need. I have a few last-minute arrangements to see to. Give me a few minutes and then the place is all yours.”
“Arrangements? What are you up to?” But from the other side of the door came only silence. After what seemed like an eternity, she heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs and a clatter of dishes in the kitchen.
What the hell is he doing?
Her answer came in the form of a note slipped under the door.
Lunch is in the kitchen and a bath is waiting upstairs.
Meet you at the altar.
—H
Meet me at the altar? What altar?
“Hudson?” She waited a few minutes, and when no reply came, cracked the door open to find . . .
Nothing. No sign of Hudson, but also no further explanation. There was, however, a lovely lunch of fruit and cheese and crusty bread arranged on the kitchen island, along with a can of her favorite sparkling water. Seemed her fiancé had thought of everything. As for the rest of the arrangements, she just had to trust that all would be revealed when the time came.
Allie made herself a small plate of food and took it with her to the master suite. As promised, a bath had been drawn, and judging by the delicious scent that filled the air, jasmine and vanilla scented oils had been added to the water. The two-sided fireplace that separated the bathroom from the bedroom had been lit, and a cluster of candles flickered atop the slate tiles that ran along the tub’s edge.