“Okay,” he says carefully as he drops his towel and steps into his boxers. Fuck me. Even just watching him dress has me getting all kinds of angry horny. Why can’t we just have sex and release this frustration? I still can’t believe he rejected me. Short of begging, I don’t know what he wants from me. Yeah, I might have flinched, but come on. Nerves about him seeing me again after everything we have been through were running rampant that night.
“Wanna tell me what’s really goin’ on here?”
“What?” I ask, not anticipating his question or the calmness in his voice. I quickly gather my thoughts. “Your pants and boots, I nearly fell over them. I’ve told you before to put your shit away.” I throw his pants at him knowing an orgasm would fix my feral mood.
“You feel better?” he asks, placing his pants on the bed.
“No, actually, I don’t,” I snap, hating that even when I try to start on him, he still manages to stay calm.
“Well, have at it. Get it off your chest.” He drops his ass to the bed and sits back waiting for it.
“Your fucking pants.” I throw my arms out, pissed he’s not listening to me.
“This is not about the fuckin’ pants, Kadence. You’ve been givin’ me attitude the past few days. You got somethin’ on your mind?” He folds his arms across his bare, chiseled chest, pissing me off even more, because he’s right. I do. But why does he have to fucking look so sexy when I’m giving him bitchy Kadence?
I stand there frozen, unsure how to bring up my needs—the reason why I’m so bitchy is because I just need him.
“What is it, baby?” He stands and takes a step closer when I don’t respond.
“Well,” I begin, my breath coming out choppy as he comes to settle in front of me. I can see the droplets of water still pooled on his chest.
“Yes?” He smirks like he knows what his presence is doing to me.
“I really don’t like it when you leave your clothes on the floor,” I grind out, holding my own. Jesus, what’s wrong with me? I have a moment to tell him what I need but I chicken out.
“What else do you need, Kadence?” He steps in closer, his body pressed against mine. The mix of his citrus shower gel stirs my nose.
“I—” I stop to breathe in the thick air. I can feel his arousal, and the tension between both of us is so palpable I have to take a second to breathe. “Nix—” I don’t get another word out before his mouth is on mine. My hands move to his head, my fingers gliding through his dark hair. I’m lost in his lips as his hands move up my body. The heat of his warm skin against mine sends tingles down my spine, pushing me further and further into his body. I take a few steps back, the backs of my legs hitting the side of our bed. My fingers work their way down his shoulders, pulling him into me as I fall back. We land in the middle of the bed—him covering my body.
“This okay?” He pulls back, eyes searching. I nod, giving him the okay. Immediately, he rips my top up over my head. My nerves buzz in anticipation, but the need to connect with him overpowers it.
“Are you sure?” he asks again before touching me.
“Stop asking me,” I snap, needing to feel, not think.
His movements stop and the air changes.
“Don’t,” I say, but my attitude ruins it. I know it. Covering myself up, I try to squash the feeling of disappointment down. I hate that this is what it has come to. What have I done to us?
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, bringing my hand up to touch his face. His weight shifts, leaving me feeling cold.
“It’s okay.” He stands, looking unsure.
“Come back,” I plead, needing his touch. I knew just by looking at him, my insecurities had passed onto him and I don’t know how to fix it. What I do know, is that I don’t just need my husband. I need the biker who pushed his way into my life. Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost him. I had pushed him away.
“I’m gonna go check on the kids.” He steps back and my heart hurts.
“Don’t leave. I’m sorry,” I try again. “I need you, Nix.”
“Not tonight, Kadence.” He picks up his shirt and throws it in the basket, leaving me alone on the bed.
“Fuck!” I curse and sit up to replace my shirt. I should go after him, but knowing the type of man he is, it wouldn’t be wise. I have to give him space and sort my own shit out. As much as my fears and insecurities are something I need to work through, I need him more. But to have him, I would have to let go and trust. Trust that Nix would have me.
I don’t know why it’s so hard.
CHA PTER SEVEN
Nix
“Where the fuck is he then?” I ask the table of my brothers a few days later at one of our weekly club meets.
“He had a pick up, but Tiny says he’s yet to show,” Brooks explains.
Beau, like all the boys, is required to show up on time, but for some reason, we can’t get a hold of him. Something’s up. Beau has never missed a club meet.
“Well, someone better fuckin’ find him.” I try to let his fuck up slide. It’s not like Beau fucks up regularly, but his not being here puts me on edge. If I was being honest, I know what’s really putting me on edge. It’s not because Beau is late. It’s because of Kadence. I don’t know what is happening between us, but it’s fucking with my head. It’s like every time I touch her and she flinches, I suffer a blow to my self-esteem.
“I’m worried about him,” Sy speaks up. “He’s getting attached.”
“He’s fuckin’ Beau. He doesn’t get attached,” I counter.
“You didn’t see him with Mackenzie. I’ve never seen him like that before.”
“You think this new gig is getting to him?” The club has taken on a big role in helping Tiny get women out of abusive homes, especially Beau. I know that shit can be tough. I’ve been on a few runs, but Beau is fucking solid. Isn’t he? I try to think of anything that I might have missed. Could his past be coming back to fuck with him?
“He’s holding onto something that might be too close to home. I think the business with his sister fucked him up enough. He’s reliving it over and over and he’s gonna fucking snap. I can see it,” Brooks says, giving his opinion.
“He’s late for one meeting. He probably has a perfectly good reason. Let’s not fuckin’ lose our heads,” I try to reason this time. Beau might be attached to this, but he would never jeopardize the club. He just wouldn’t do it.
“Hunter, head out to the meet point. Keep Tiny updated.” The rookie stands and nods, leaving without a word.
“Let’s start. Got fucking shit to do. So how’s Liquid? You get the staff all sorted?” I turn to Jesse. Dealing with his staffing issues is going to fucking kill me.
“Got a new girl.” He nods.
“You gonna fuck this one?” Sy asks, trying to get a reaction.
“Fuck off.” He smiles, but I ignore it. He’s probably had her and her fucking best friend already. “Just because you three are fucking whipped.” He nods to the remaining three of us left at the table.
“We’re not fuckin’ whipped,” I snap. I don’t hold back my attitude, or the fact he is pissing me off.
“Hey, I’m just saying. I’m not tied down. Don’t have to deal with a tired wife, screaming kids. It must be hard. No wonder you’re all cranky fuckers.”
“Shut the fuck up, Jesse. You got no idea.” I rub my face, his words hitting too close to home.
“I know the pussy I get never says no.” He throws in and my fist clenches in my lap.