Tell her, his wolf demanded. Tell mate what we are!
His breath escaped in pants. Oh God! He gasped, trying to get enough air.
“Raul?” Concern replaced the hurt in Angel’s tone. “Are you all right?”
Tell her!
No!
Tell her! his wolf roared.
NOOOOO! Mustn’t tell! the child screamed.
“Can’t…breathe!” His lips moved, but no sound emerged.
“Raul, your lips are turning blue. Breathe, baby!” Angel released her hold on him.
As the internal war continued to rage, Raul’s stomach churned and his chest hurt. His vision began to narrow, growing dark around the edges. He crawled off Angel and knelt on all fours with his head hanging down, gulping for air.
Raul couldn’t believe he was freaking out like a little kid. He was a grown man, a badass—an alpha, for crying out loud. Embarrassment collided with panic until the only thought in his mind was escape.
“Raul, baby, you have to breathe. If you don’t, you’ll pass out.” Angel hovered beside him, laid a hand on his back, and stroked soothingly.
She said more in soft tones meant to calm him. Unfortunately Raul couldn’t hear her through the roaring in his ears. He had to get out of here. He wheezed audibly now. He shook his head sharply, forcing himself to get a grip, and a portion of his hearing returned.
“Oh God, you’re hyperventilating,” she said in dawning realization. “Let me run to the kitchen and grab a bag. Breathing into one is supposed to help.”
As soon as Angel disappeared down the stairs, Raul shoved weakly to his feet, staggered dizzily against the wall, and pulled up his pants. Mustering all his strength, he managed to make it down the stairs and to the door.
“Raul?”
He glanced over his shoulder, hand on the doorknob. “I’m sorry,” he managed to choke out, then softly closed the door behind him.
Once away from Angel’s too-observant eyes, Raul tapped into the strength of his wolf. His breathing instantly evened out. The rest of the damn panic attack took longer to fade. With hands that visibly trembled, Raul managed to enter his vehicle and shove the keys in the ignition. As the motor purred to life, he speed dialed Mercer.
“Yo!” Mercer answered.
“I need you or one of the guys on babysitting detail,” he said, forcing himself to sound calm and in control.
“Boss, you all right? You don’t sound so good.”
“I will be. I gotta go for a run. Clear my head. I don’t want to leave Angel alone but I…we… Just watch her for me, will you?”
“Sure thing. I gotcha back.” There was a brief pause. “So, you two worked things out?” he asked, his concern coming through loud and clear. His men hadn’t agreed with his decision not to tell Angel what he—what they—were. She was his mate. As far as they were concerned, that settled any issues or concerns they might have had regarding Angel keeping their confidence. Raul could only imagine what they’d say if they knew the reason she’d left him. That is, if they didn’t already suspect.
“We will,” Raul assured him. “As soon as I get a handle on my wolf.”
“I’ll be there in fifteen,” Mercer promised and disconnected.
Raul left the driveway and parked farther down the block within sight of the house, remaining there until Mercer arrived to relieve him.
Angelica stood in the foyer, the bag dangling limply from her fingers, listening to Raul’s SUV back out of the driveway. When the roar of the engine faded, she crossed over to the couch, sat, and put her face in her hands.
“Way to go, Angelica. You pushed the man right into a panic attack.”
She sat like that for another few minutes. Then rubbing her face wearily, she rose to her feet and straightened the mess they’d made during the chase, before trudging upstairs. Needing to talk, she grabbed her cell and dialed the number of her cousin and best friend since grade school, Sophie.
Sophie answered on the second ring. “Hiya, chica! Thought you’d be busy having big monkey makeup sex. Wasn’t Raul due home today?”
“He’s home,” Angelica said flatly.
“Uh-oh. Someone doesn’t sound happy. Come, tell Momma Sophie all about it.”
Angelica flopped onto the California king-size four-poster bed she’d purchased specifically with Raul in mind, the thickly padded blue-and-gray geometric-patterned comforter cushioning her body. “I had everything planned. It should have worked perfectly.”
“I take it Wolf-boy didn’t share his deep, dark secret?”
“He showed up at the house in a rage because I’d left him.”
Sophie snorted. “Yeah, did you expect differently? He’s a wolf. He thinks you’re his mate. You knew he’d go bat-shit crazy when he got the news of your leaving.”
“I know, I know. That was part of the plan. I wanted to catch him off guard, make him lose control. I thought maybe, if he got angry enough, he wouldn’t be able to control his wolf. That he’d, you know, mate me or shift. Then he’d have to tell me what he is.”
Sophie made tsking noises. “Honey, your man’s an alpha. He wouldn’t be one if he didn’t possess absolute control over his beast. Stop playing head games and just tell the man you know already.”
“But—”
“But nothing. You’re playing human, trying to protect yourself. He’s doing the same for probably the same reason, and both of you are miserable because you can’t really lower your guard and just be real with each other like you want to be. What kind of love is that, when you have to hide who you are from each other?”
Angelica ran an agitated hand through her hair. “Sophie, I hear what you’re saying, but—”
“Angelica,” Sophie interrupted again. “Be honest with yourself. Do you love Raul? Really love him?”
“You know I do.”
“Yeah, hon, I do. Now answer me this. Do you believe Raul loves you?”
Earlier her answer would have been a definite yes. Now she hesitated, nibbling on her lower lip. “He acts like I’m his mate.”
“That’s not what I asked. Lord, woman, I’ve never known you to act so…so…human. Does the wolf love you or not?” she asked, exasperation in every word.
Angelica thought about it, hard, and realized she was letting her fear and insecurities cause her to project. She knew Raul. Knew his thoughts, his words, his very feelings. He loved her. It showed in everything he did. “Yes,” she answered finally. “Yes, he does.”
Sophie let the silence linger, probably sensing that Angelica was still working through everything in her head. Finally, Angelica said, “You’re right, you know.”
“Of course I am.” There was a pause. “What am I right about this time?”
Angelica heard the smile in Sophie’s voice, and it made her smile in return.
“Raul is scared. I never realized that before, probably because I was too focused on me. I was pushing him, all but telling the man I knew what his silly secret was, and instead of just confessing, he had a full-blown panic attack.”
“Did you ever consider that maybe there’s a deep, dark reason Raul hasn’t told you he’s a shifter? The man’s an alpha. They just don’t do panic attacks. Whatever’s going on with him, it’s got to be serious. How much do you know about his past?”
“Not much,” Angelica admitted slowly. “He doesn’t really talk about it. To be honest, neither of us talks about our families or our past. We’ve been focused on the here and now.” She knew why she hadn’t told Raul about her family, but for the first time she wondered at his reasons. Shifters were all about families, both the blood kind and pack. She knew his pack, but not once had he mentioned his parents or any siblings. Now that she was thinking about it, it was beyond strange.