Hush, hush, hush. Don’t cry, don’t fret. Sweet, sweet baby boy. Sawing her arms back and forth to rock him, she moved to the chair. Mama has you now. She’ll never, never let you go. Come with Mama, my darling James. Come with Mama now where you will never know pain or grief. Where we will waltz in the ballroom, have tea and cake in the garden.
She climbed, awkward with his weight, with his wiggles, onto the chair. Even as he wailed, she smiled down at him, and slipped the noose around her neck. Softly singing, she slipped the smaller noose around his.
Now, we’re together.
The connecting door opened, a spill of light that had her turning her head, baring her teeth like a tiger protecting her cub.
The sleepy-eyed nursemaid shrieked, her hands flying to her face at the sight of the woman in the filthy white gown, and the baby in her arms, screaming with fear and angry hunger, with a rope around his neck.
“He’s mine!”
As she kicked the chair away, the nursemaid sprang forward.
Screams gave way to the cold, and the dark.
Hayley sat on the floor of what had been the nursery, weeping in Harper’s arms.
SHE WAS STILL icy, even in the parlor with a blanket over her legs, and the unseasonable fire Mitch had set to blaze in the hearth.
“She was going to kill him,” she told them. “She was going to kill the baby. My God, my God, she meant to hang her own child.”
“To keep him.” Roz stood, staring at the fire. “That’s more than madness.”
“If the nurse hadn’t come in when she did. If she hadn’t heard him crying and come in quickly, she would’ve done it.”
“Selfish woman.”
“I know, I know.” Hayley lifted her hands, rubbed her shoulders. “But she didn’t do it to hurt him. She believed they’d be together, and happy, and, oh Jesus. She was broken, in every possible way. Then at the end, when she lost again . . .” Hayley shook her head. “She keeps waiting for him. I think she must see him in every child who comes to Harper House.”
“A kind of hell isn’t it?” Stella asked. “For madness.”
She’d never forget it, Hayley thought. Never. “The nurse, she saved the baby.”
“I haven’t been able to trace her,” Mitch put in. “They had more than one nursemaid during his babyhood, but the timing of this points to a girl named Alice Jameson—which also jibes with Mary Havers’s letter to Lucille. Alice left the Harper employ in February of 1893, and I haven’t found anything more on her.”
“They sent her away.” Stella closed her eyes. “That’s what they’d have done. Paid her maybe, or just as likely threatened her.”
“Both would be my guess,” Logan said.
“I’ll push on it, do what I can to find her,” Mitch promised, and Roz turned to smile at him.
“I’d appreciate it. I wouldn’t be here without her, nor would my sons.”
“It wasn’t what she wanted us to know,” Hayley said quietly. “Or not all of it. She doesn’t know where she is. Where she’s buried. What they did with her. She won’t be able to leave, to rest, to pass over, whatever it is, until we find her.”
“How?” Stella spread her hands.
“I have an idea on that.” Roz scanned faces. “One I think’s going to hit this group about fifty-fifty.”
“What’s the point?” Harper objected. “So Hayley can see her try to hang a baby again?”
“So she, or one of us, can see what happened next. Hopefully. And by we, I mean myself, Hayley, and Stella.”
For the first time since they’d started upstairs, Harper released Hayley’s hand. He shoved off the couch. “That’s a damn stupid idea.”
“Don’t take that tone with me, Harper.”
“It’s the only tone I’ve got when my mother goes crazy. Did you see what just happened up there? The way Hayley walked from the ballroom to the old nursery? The way she talked as if she was watching it happen, and like she was part of what was happening?”
“I saw perfectly well. That’s why we have to go back.”
“I’ve got to side with Harper on this, Roz.” Logan gave an apologetic shrug. “I don’t see sitting down here while three women go up there alone. I don’t give a rat’s ass if it’s sexist.”
“I expected as much. Mitch?” Her eyebrows winged up when he sat, frowning at her. “Well, you’re about to surprise me again.”
“You can’t seriously agree with her on this?” Harper whirled around to his stepfather.
“The hell of it, Harper, is that I am. I don’t like it, but I see where she’s going, and why. And before you take my head off, consider this: They’ll do it later, at some point when none of us is around.”
“What happened to staying together?”
“It’s a man who used her, abused her, stole her child, cast her off. She’s been poking at me and Stella again. She won’t trust you. Maybe we can convince her to trust us.”
“And maybe she’ll toss you off the third floor terrace.”
“Harper.” Roz crossed to him, her smile as thin as a blade. “Anybody gets tossed out of this house, it’s going to be her. That’s a stone promise. My sympathy for her is at an end. You still have it.” She looked over at Hayley. “And that’s fine, probably an advantage. But mine is over. What she would have done if not for intervention is unforgivable to me. I will have her out of this house. Can you go back?” she asked Hayley.
“Yes, I can. I want it done. I don’t think I’ll ever have another easy moment until it is.”
“You’re asking me to risk you.”
“No.” Hayley rose to go to Harper. “To believe in me.”
“YOU KNOW HOW, in the movies, the stupid, usually scantily clad blonde, goes down in the basement alone when she hears a noise, especially if there’s a slasher-type killer running around?”
Roz laughed at Hayley as they stood on the third floor landing. “We’re not stupid.”
“And none of us are blond,” Stella added. “Ready?”
They clasped hands and started down the hall.
“The problem with this,” Hayley began in a voice that sounded tinny to her ears, “is that if she doesn’t know what happened to her after, how will we?”
“One step at a time.” Roz gave Hayley’s hand a squeeze. “How are you feeling?”
“My heart’s beating a mile a minute. Roz, when this is over, can we open this room again? Make it, I don’t know, a playroom maybe. Something with light and color.”
“A wonderful idea.”
“And here we go,” Stella declared. They walked in together.
“How did it look before, Hayley?” Roz asked her.
“Um. The crib was over there.” She gestured with her chin. “Against the wall. The lights were on low. Gaslights, like in that movie with Ingrid Bergman. The one where Charles Boyer tries to drive her crazy. There was a rocking chair over there, and another, straight-backed chair—the one she used—over there. Shelves here,” she pointed, “with toys and books on them. And a . . .”
Her head snapped back, her eyes rolled up white. As she began to choke, her legs buckled.
She heard, through the storm surge in her ears, Roz shout to get her out. But she shook her head wildly.
“Wait, wait. God it burns! The baby’s screaming, and the maid, the nurse. Don’t let go of me.”
“We’re taking you out,” Roz said.
“No, no. Just don’t let go. She’s dying—it’s horrible—and she’s so angry.” Hayley let her head fall onto Roz’s shoulder. “It’s dark. It’s dark where she is. Was. No light, no air, no hope. She lost. They took him again, and now she’s alone. She’ll always be alone. She can’t see, she can’t feel. Everything seems so far away. Very cold, very dark. There are voices, but she can’t hear them, only echoes. It’s so empty. She’s going down, down, so heavy. She can only see the dark. She doesn’t know where she is. She just floats away.”