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‘No,’ said Axl simply. ‘I’ve here to tell you I’m back from Samsara.’

‘And you’ve brought me the soulcatcher?’

‘No.’ Axl shook his head. ‘I brought only myself.’

From the look on the vampyre’s face it didn’t seen as if that was anything like enough. ‘I’m not so powerless that I can’t still have you shot,’ the Cardinal said shortly.

Axl shrugged. ‘No,’ he said, ‘I didn’t imagine you were.’ They both knew that was true.

‘So why didn’t you bring me what I asked?’

‘It was needed.’

The Cardinal took off his dark glasses at that, and rested them neatly on his black glass desk. ‘And who needed my soulcatcher?’ The Cardinal’s voice was low, his golden eyes fixed like sighting lasers on Axl’s face.

Mai and Kate, Axl didn’t know which one had needed it most. Mai for her sanity, Kate for her dead lover.

‘Joan did,’ said Axl.

* * * *

When Axl had finished crying, the Cardinal ordered coffee, though there was only his major-domo to operate the coffee-maker and Axl ended up going to fetch the water himself. With the coffee they ate truffles dusted with pure cocoa powder. Or rather Axl ate the truffles while the Cardinal smoked a Partegas corona down to a damp stub.

‘Joan was shot,’ the Cardinal said suddenly, stubbing out his cigar. ‘Her body was ripped apart by children. Do you deny that?’

Axl shook his head.

‘So the Pope is dead?’

Axl shook his head.

‘Surely,’ said the Cardinal, ‘Her Holiness is either alive or dead? All I require from you is that you tell me which it is…’

‘I’m not qualified to answer.’

‘No indeed,’ the Cardinal gave a vulpine smile and lit another cigar, ‘I’m not sure anybody is. We’ll just have to see what the courts say.’ He reached for the pop-up screen on his desk and swivelled it, so Axl could watch the frozen, tear-stained face of an ex-child star, ex-hitman, ex-burger flipper at McDonalds.

The date on the CySat copyright line was that day’s, the time just gone. The blipvert moral expanding across the screen explained for the cognitively-challenged that Rome, WorldBank and the IMF had just been tied into a court case that would last decades, maybe longer.

The imminent, expected return to prominence of Cardinal Santo Ducque made first story on most newsfeeds that evening.

Epilogue

Points of Vision

On screen Axl swore on the Bible, the Koran, the Talmud and the works of Immanuel Kant. Then waited while the IMF, WorldBank and Rome read off his blood pressure, heartbeat and limbic pattern, took and matched MRI scans to already-prepared templates to confirm that Axl regarded Joan’s being both alive and dead as a statement of fact not of faith, hope or belief. That statement would go on file until it was needed, several years from then.

Mostly, what happened after Axl’s return to the Villa Carlotta were negatives. The Vatican didn’t go into conclave to elect a new pope. Under a statute previously agreed by the UN, the Cardinal currently holding voting rights (which happened to be Cardinal Santo Ducque) kept both his proxy vote in the UN and control of the Vatican Bank. Interim audits were not issued. Nor would they be while the court case was running. Which could be forever, or at least as long as it took the Cardinal to replenish the accounts emptied by Joan shipping ‘fugees to Samsara.

No matter how often Axl watched reruns, he was faced with the fact that he limped in through the door of Villa Carlotta, head jerking to some unheard soundtrack and looking so dirty you could practically smell him through the screen.

And the stuff shot though his own eyes shook so badly by the end that Axl was surprised CySat had been able to use it. But what Axl really remembered about that night were the calls which flooded in between the rolling of the credits and the breaking news of Cardinal Santo Ducque’s comeback.

A thin man, utterly unmemorable except for the large pectoral cross hung round the neck of his black silk Armani jacket called from New York. He wanted to be the first to tell the Cardinal how audacious, how brilliant a move it had been to stream Axl’s quest for Pope Joan live on CySat.

But others followed within seconds. Rome, Rio, even Beijing. Everyone thought the Cardinal was brilliant, none had ever doubted him… And sitting at his desk taking the calls, Cardinal Santo Ducque had looked up and seen Axl staring at him, with something between outrage and admiration in his eyes.

‘Look,’ said the Cardinal, ‘I just wanted to run a dummy past WorldBank. The idea to run it live and reactivate your soundtrack came from that bloody gun of yours…’