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Look at the people on whatever political side you are not on. Do you notice how they all seem to have the same opinions, opinions which in your view don’t make much sense?

That’s how they see you, too. And according to the hypnotist’s reframe—that people are irrational 90 percent of the time—you can clearly see that the other team is brainwashed. They see it in you, too. But neither of you can see it in yourselves. That’s the normal way of the world.

Okay, okay, you’re the exception. So am I. The two of us make rational decisions every time, but I think you’d agree other people seem to be moving like a brainwashed herd. Thank goodness we’re not like them.

Usual Frame: People come up with their own opinions.

Reframe: People join teams, and the media assigns their opinions.

The best way I have found to exempt yourself from media-assigned opinions is to make it a habit to argue the opposite side of each debate. If you can’t do that without laughing, using sarcasm, or making an intentionally bad argument, you probably don’t have a genuine opinion. You have an assigned opinion.

Once you can make a full argument for all sides of a debate, you might be thinking rationally. If your opinions are identical to the bumper sticker wisdom of your team, you might have a problem.

The usefulness of this reframe is that it tells you logic and facts won’t help you change many minds. If people did not arrive at their opinions by rational means, a rational argument isn’t going to talk them out of it. Instead, I recommend asking them to repeat back your argument to demonstrate they understand it. If they can—which would be rare—they can be persuaded. Most people will change the subject to escape the trap.

Perhaps the main benefit of this reframe is that you neutralize the frustration when dealing with people on the other side of issues. Once you realize they’re not the sources of their own opinions—and probably can’t explain their own opinions with any clarity—you’re free to see them as victims, not opponents. I don’t get stressed when a victim of brainwashing disagrees with me. I feel bad for them. And that empathy feels way better than being ticked-off because some stranger refuses to see the alleged wisdom of my opinions.

People Think Like You

One of the worst misconceptions of life is that other people think the same way you do. Humans are similar in a lot of ways, but in any specific situation your basket of preferences and mine will be different. That means you can’t reliably predict what people will do or why they will do it (unless money is involved). But we imagine we can predict well because we make the poor assumption that people are working with the same set of variables and intentions we are. That is rarely the case.

If you don’t understand someone’s motives, and you end up guessing based on how you would feel in the same situation, you’re indulging in nonsense.

Usual Frame: Others think and feel approximately as I do.

Reframe: Others are unimaginably different.

When others act in ways you would not, don’t assume they are necessarily lying, selfish, stupid weasels. They might be exactly that, but that’s not the first explanation you should go with. Instead, assume all you are seeing is a difference in priorities or a difference in who brainwashed each of you.

The power of this reframe is that it helps you understand why you can’t change people’s minds. You might be looking at the same facts, but the processes in your heads are as different as porcupines and bowling balls.

Chapter 7

The Operating System for Your Mind

Scientists once believed that adult brains don’t generate new cells. They believed we were born with all the brain cells we would ever have and that those cells die over the course of an adult’s life. In recent years, science discovered that brains do create new cells. In related news, we have a growing appreciation of something called neuroplasticity—the ability of the brain to create new pathways and new behaviors in any number of ways. In other words, your brain is programmable if you learn how to access the user interface. With this book, I have been teaching you how to write and insert code (programs) into your brain. That’s what the reframes are—software upgrades to your brain. And they cause physical changes to your brain, just as any other learning experience does.

Once you accept the programmable nature of your own brain, you can get serious about becoming what I call the author of your own experience. This replaces the common view that we are products of our experiences, our genes, and a whole host of factors only fate controls.

Usual Frame: You are the product of your experiences and genes.

Reframe: You are the author of your experience.

This reframe moves you out of victim mode into player mode. If you are just the result of outside forces and genes you can’t control, that doesn’t provide much motivation. But if you are the author of your own experience, you understand you can create your life one day at a time. The reframes in this book are the code that lets you do just that. Find the reframes in these pages that best match the “dangling wires” in your brain and watch how quickly they get reattached.

I find it useful to think of brains as having operating systems, like computers. Your human operating system is your reflexive pattern for interacting with a new situation. You might layer some knowledge and experience on top of that operating system, but you will still be limited to what it allows you. There are four types of human operating systems I encounter most:

Selfish: I take whatever I can get. Others would do the same.

Revenge: I need revenge for all insults and offenses, both real and imagined. (And most are imagined.)

Victim: I am being victimized by nearly everyone and can’t do anything about it.

Reciprocity: If I make myself useful, good things will come to me.

Of the four operating systems, the first three are deeply flawed. It might feel good in the short run to be selfish, get revenge, or play the victim. But in the long run, the only operating system that can bring you a high-quality life is Reciprocity.

Usual Frame: I deserve to be treated well by others.

Reframe: You get what you give, on average. No one deserves anything.

I spend a lot of time and energy being generous to those who will never return the favor, and I know it. But I also know that being the type of person who would do such things builds trust and attracts people and business deals to me. I also know it only takes one person to reciprocate someday down the line, and that one instance could change my life. The Reciprocity operating system requires patience and the ability to put off pleasure now for long-term gain. That means it will come more easily to some people than others. But we can all learn to give more and act less like victims. If it helps, think of generosity as a selfish strategy. You’re giving with the intention of getting something in return someday. You don’t know when or what form it will take, but Reciprocity is always your best operating system for success.

Will people take advantage of your generosity? Absolutely. But it doesn’t change the larger point that it’s a good strategy.

The Simulation

Who wants to get weird?

I give you The Simulation Hypothesis. It’s the idea that what we perceive as our reality is a computer simulation created by an advanced species that may or may not look like us. The argument, in its simplest form, is that humans will soon be able to create artificially intelligent life forms who believe they are living independent lives in a simulated world. I would argue we have the technology to do such a thing now. All we need to do is tell the creatures in the simulation that they see more detail in the environment than they do. Coincidentally—or not—that’s exactly how human brains work. We think we see detail in the environment, but we don’t. That’s all illusion. One might describe it as a software module that saves brain processing resources by making us believe we saw more details than we did. If a human creates a computer model that looks like one human, you might expect lots of detail. That’s possible because only one person is being modeled and the computer can handle all that detail. But no programmer would include that sort of detail in a simulated world. They would save resources by making the characters in the simulation believe they were seeing more detail than they were unless it was something they needed to focus on. For example, if you needed to remove a sliver from your finger, the simulation would provide finer detail.