Or perhaps you’re lucky enough to have two potential romantic partners, and there’s a difference in how much energy you feel with each. Follow the energy. That’s a good signal.
If you’re trying to decide between two career paths, you probably feel a distinct energy difference when you think of one versus the other. Don’t ignore that.
When you’re buying a car, most of that decision is practical and focused on your needs, but some car models give you a feeling that boosts your energy. Some don’t. Sometimes, that feeling hits you every time you get near the vehicle. That’s energy. Take the car that provides it.
And so it goes with most decisions in life—one path energizes you more than the other, no matter how they stack up in other dimensions. Energy isn’t the only variable—I don’t want to leave that impression—but after health and safety, it’s near the top. Treat it that way, and life will surprise you on the upside.
Knowing What Your Job Is
We are trained to believe our “job” is the set of tasks we accomplish for an employer in return for money. That’s how I saw it until a CEO shared with me his approach to business. He viewed his career as a non-stop search for a better job and because of that changed jobs and companies often. Apparently it worked because he was the head of a company when I met him.
Usual Frame: Your job is what your boss tells you it is.
Reframe: Your job is to get a better job.
Don’t confuse your job with the work your employer wants you to do. The boss might want you to process all the pending orders by quitting time, but your job is to get a better job. Everything else you do should service that reframe. If it doesn’t help you leave the job you are in and upgrade, it might not be worth doing. But don’t worry that this line of thinking feels sociopathic—doing a good job on your assigned duties is one way to look good for promotions.
The reframe reminds us to be in continuous job-search mode, including on the first day of work at a new job. If that sounds unethical, consider that your employer would drop you in a second if the business required it. In a free market, you can do almost anything that is normal and legal. Changing jobs—for any reason you want—is normal. Your employer’s job is to take care of the shareholders. It’s your job to take care of you. That doesn’t always mean acting selfishly. If being generous with your time and energy seems as if it will have the better long-term payoff, do that.
Your employer might want to frame employees as “a family,” which is common, but that’s to divert you from the fact that they can fire you at will. They don’t want you to know you have the same power to fire them. Part of the job of leadership is convincing you that what is good for the leader is good for you. Sometimes that is the case but keep your priorities clear. You are number one.
When I recommend being selfish in the job market, I expect you to know that approach works best when dealing with a big corporation. A small business might require a more generous approach.
When your workplace reframe is that your job is to get a better job, that helps you make decisions that work in your favor. For example, if you’re offered a choice of two different projects at work, pick the one that teaches you a valuable skill, lets you show off what you can do, or lets you network with people who can help you later. Don’t make the mistake of picking the project that has the most value to the company if doing so has the least value to you. Sometimes your best career move is to do exactly what your boss asks, especially if it’s critical to the company. You’ll know those situations when you see them. Don’t lose sight of your mission: Get a better job.
Boredom
Boredom is an underappreciated asset for success. We think of it as a lack of action, and it is. But it is a far better starting point for your journey to success than having too much fun to get serious about your future. Life rewards action over inaction, and boredom is exactly the kind of mental state people need to organically trigger them into acting.
But what kind of action? That matters.
When you’re bored with life and directionless, the fastest way out is to ramp up your risk of embarrassment. After all, what do you have to lose? The simplest way to embarrass yourself is by trying to do something you know you don’t do well . . . in front of witnesses.
A recreational ax-throwing business recently opened near where I live. Throwing an ax at a target isn’t as easy as it looks. You must judge the rotation of the ax just right or the handle hits the target with a humiliating thunk before falling to the ground in disgrace. If it’s your first time with an ax, you’re guaranteed to look like a boneless chicken trying to juggle bowling pins. Invite some friends and embarrass yourself. You won’t be bored.
If you’re single, ask out someone you believe is above your self-assessed pulling power. If they say no, you lose nothing but your boredom. Take a chance and let yourself flame out and fail if that’s what fate has in mind. You might be lucky and find the love of your life. Or you might get slapped down so hard it makes a funny story. But you won’t be bored, and you’ll be hardened for the next pothole life presents you. I’m already proud of you in advance for the smart risks of embarrassment you will be taking.
If you’re looking to advance your career, this is the time to scare the bejeezus out of yourself by asking for a raise that is so aggressive you worry your boss will either laugh or fire you on the spot. That’s not boring! Or see if you can get partners to invest in you or work with you on a new business. Or sign up for a training class that could change your life. You have many options for scaring yourself in productive ways. Boredom is nature’s way to remind you to do that.
Usual Frame: I am bored with life.
Reframe: I am not embarrassing myself enough.
I sometimes think of this reframe as a “game mode” in which I can practice doing awkward or embarrassing things I would ordinarily avoid. And it’s all “free money,” as I like to say, because almost anything is better than being bored.
Have you ever caused trouble just because you were bored? If you have, you know exactly what I mean. But I recommend being more strategic about your troublemaking. Don’t pick the kind of trouble that benefits no one. Pick the kind of risks that will have a good payoff if things work out.
If I haven’t yet persuaded you to take on more risk of embarrassment, here’s another reframe.
Usual Frame: Embarrassment is something to be avoided.
Reframe: Embarrassment is an investment.
In the short run, embarrassment can sting. In the long run, you will be tougher for the experience, and you might have a funny story to tell. You almost always come out ahead when you take a hard shot to your ego and survive to play again. And some of those potential embarrassments turn into life-changing victories that couldn’t have happened without putting yourself out there. So the next time you see an opportunity to embarrass yourself, repeat “cha-ching” (the cash register sound) in your mind instead of “oh-no.”
Learning to laugh at your own embarrassments is one of the most useful skills a person can develop. It can help you financially, socially, and mentally, as the next reframe explains, by helping you better understand reality and deal with it more successfully.
Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance is an illusion your brain generates to explain a discrepancy between who you think you are and how you act. For example, if you think you’re smart but you observe yourself doing something dumb, you’re not likely to revise your belief about yourself. Your worldview is linked to your understanding of who you are in relation to the rest of the world. Revising your entire understanding of yourself would be a huge mental expense, and it wouldn’t be fast or painless. By comparison, it takes almost no energy to hallucinate that your dumb actions were really brilliance in disguise because, as you will explain it to friends, “frogs are basically dogs.”