“You got an Evans pregnant, Landon. Do you know what Father is going to do when he finds this?” Roman points at the paper and scoffs.
I swallow the lump in my throat. I know exactly what he’s going to have done.
“He’s going to have her and the baby killed,” I whisper, my chest not just aching from the bullet wound anymore.
“Do you love her?”
My eyes snap to him in shock.
“What’d you just fucking ask me?”
“Do. You. Love. Her?” he repeats.
I sigh, resting my head against the back of the bed. Love. Does that even exist? Am I capable of love? I don’t think I’ve ever seen love to know what it consists of.
“’Cause if you do, you better go find her now. Father has the whole cavalry out looking for her,” Roman scoffs, shaking his head.
My body goes rock-solid, my eyes widening.
“What?”
“Father has everyone we know out looking for her, demanding her back here alive. He’s even got the police we have in our pocket on it.”
“Why didn’t you fucking start with that?” I yell, throwing the blankets off my legs.
I hurry to my closet and throw some jeans on. I rip a black dress shirt off the hanger and thrust one arm in the sleeve, wincing when I shove my other in it.
Looking over at Roman as I hurry and put my shoes on, I find him smirking at me, clearly amused.
“Something funny?” I snap.
“You love her. You love an Evans.” Roman laughs.
“Fuck you,” I sneer.
CHARLIE
Jayden and I follow the directions Mick gave us and finally arrive at Hawns. It’s another motel, and it’s not any nicer than Mick’s. It’s rundown, with chipped white paint. The motel doors are painted an ugly blue color, and half the roof is missing shingles. It looks to be the exact layout even. It’s only for a few days, just until I can figure out my next move.
I grab Jayden’s hand and head toward the manager’s office.
“You must be Fancy,” a black man mumbles as he lights a cigar. He has a thick, black ponytail and is wearing a floral t-shirt, one you would find in Hawaii.
A cloud of smoke climbs upward as he pins us with light blue eyes.
“I’m Fancy,” I agree, the hairs on my neck standing on end.
He gives a salacious smirk as he continues to roll his cigar into a flame, puffing out a thick smoke.
“Right. Well, I owe Mick one, so you can have room 23 for two days tops. Then you owe me seventy-five dollars every day following.” He cocks his head to the side, surveying Jayden and me. His bright blue eyes turn a shade darker as a vicious smirk curls his upper lip.
“You working girls?”
Jayden snorts, and I roll my eyes.
“No,” I sneer, turning to leave.
“Right.” He smiles wide. “Here’s the key, baby.” His tone deep and rough, he hands Jayden a key.
“Thanks,” Jayden snatches the key from his grip and follows me outside. “What a fucking creep,” she hisses, handing me the key.
Room 23 is up the stairs. As Jayden and I make our way up, I find them unsteady and creaking with every step. Once inside the room, it smells of cigarette smoke and stale fast food. There’s a small TV sitting on an old dresser that looks to have grime and food all over it, and one queen-size bed in front of it. Whoever stayed here last didn’t take the trash out obviously, and the bed is unmade and looks disgusting.
“I’m not sleeping on that.” Jayden points to the bed, a red condom sticking to the sheets.
“Oh, gross.” I scrunch my face. “Let’s get bleach and trash bags. If we’re going to stay here for a few days, we need to disinfect this room.”
“I think we’d do better if we got a match and gasoline.” Jayden coughs, waving her hand in front of her face to try and escape the rancid smell of the place.
I laugh and grab her arm. “Come on, we got this.”
Three hours later, Jayden and I fall onto a perfectly made bed with clean sheets, the smell of Lysol and bleach strong yet inviting.
“Mick has a much better work ethic,” I state, making Jayden laugh.
“For sure. This guy is a pig,” she adds.
“If he’s a hustler, I hope the rooms he pimps his girls out of are in better condition,” I respond. She turns over on her side, propping her head up with her hand. A question’s clearly on the tip of her tongue.
“What?” I ask, turning my head to look at her glowing face.
“Why’d you shoot him?”
The mention of Landon makes my chest feel like it was just impaled. I wonder if Landon is alive. Is he at the hospital? In a morgue? Looking for me?
I take a deep breath and fiddle with fingers.
“He killed my mother,” I whisper, not sure if she even heard me. Just hearing the words myself they sound unnatural.
“What?” she gasps. I prop my head on my hand to get a better look at her.
“My mother worked at the Blackwell Estate.” I sigh, frustrated that I don’t know anything more. “I don’t know. All I know is for some reason, Landon killed her.” I furrow my brows and shake my head. “There’s so much missing from the puzzle. I’m so confused. I mean, why did he kill her?” I’m just thinking aloud at this point. “I was there that day she was killed, but I just can’t make out what happened,” I mutter, running my hands through my sweaty hair.
“You really can’t remember?” Jayden rubs my arm in comfort.
I shake my head and groan in irritation.
“I mean, I remember some, most of it just coming back to me in the last few hours, actually. I remember I was taken to a hospital for sick people, where they think you’re crazy. They wanted me to tell them everything about my mom, because they had nothing. But all I wanted to do was forget. I was in pain. All I wanted to do was look for an escape. Forgetting it did that.” I peer up at Jayden, my eyes filling with tears. “Looks like I got my wish, though, ’cause I can’t remember a damn thing. I have no idea why Landon would kill her.”
“You love him?” she questions, turning on her back and looking up at the nicotine-stained ceiling.
“I’m not sure. Well, I mean my mother loved me. I know she did because I can feel it. But it was so long ago, and I’ve forced myself not to remember so much. I’m not sure if I remember how to love.”
“Those who fall at their weakest cannot be judged. It’s what they do to bring themselves back up that says who they are. I know you’ll get through this, because you’re the strongest person I know.”
I look down at her, surprised with how real she just got. My chest warms that she thinks so highly of me. Jayden yawns and snuggles closer to me, so I wrap my arms around her and snuggle right back.
“I missed you,” she whispers.
I look over at the window, the sun just starting to set. I’m exhausted, and my stomach is in knots and has me feeling queasy.
“I missed you, too,” I mutter, closing me eyes.
***
Looking at the soap scum claiming the tiles in the shower, I think of Landon. The way he made love to my body just days before. The words he spoke to me, sounding like he meant them. The ache in my chest worsens, making my lips tremble. I miss him. His rude mouth, and his hot and cold behavior. I long for it all. When I said I felt alone before, when I said I had hit rock-bottom before, it was a lie, because the way I feel right now is so much worse. Water cascades down my body as I shake with emotion.
“I- I killed him,” I cry quietly. I hurt, but I’m not sure where the source of pain is coming from. All I feel is this dull ache spreading through my body as I think about what I’ve done.
My legs give out and I fall into the tub, my knees aching as they slam into the ceramic. I know I need to get back up and figure my shit out, decide my next move, but I just don’t have it in me. All I want to do is just cry, sleep, and cry some more.