I nod and rub my thumb over his knuckles. There, where I never noticed it before, is a scar between his ring and middle finger. In the exact spot where a whirling blade might cut. “Was this always here?” I ask.
He holds up his hand, and mine along with it, and considers the scar in the sunlight. “As long as I can remember.”
“Our lives have always been intertwined,” I say. “We just never knew it.”
“I want our lives to stay intertwined,” he says somberly.
“Me, too.”
He lowers our hands, and we begin to walk through the woods, picking our way around the brambles and thorns. I don’t know how much longer my hand can stay fused in his.
All I know is this: I don’t want to let go. Not for the rest of this time and all of the next one.
...
I open my eyes. I’m standing on a metal platform. Naked once again. Disoriented one more time. I blink at the metal arch. Hear the creaking groan of one of the most powerful generators of our time. And register that the boy I value above all others is across from me. Also naked.
My mom and Preston descend on us.
“You’re okay,” my mom sobs, wrapping her arms around me. “You’re back here with me.”
I embrace her for a long moment, closing my eyes. My hands begin to tremble as it sinks in. I did it. I went to the past—and returned, safe and sound.
My mom pulls back, handing me a robe. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my dad helping Tanner get dressed.
“Did it work?” my mom asks. “Did you go to the past?”
I slip my arms through the sleeves. So strange, but from their perspective, only a brief time must have elapsed. “What did you see?” I ask.
Preston helps Tanner on with his robe. “The metal arch passed over you, and there was this tornado of energy. For a few seconds, the wind was so strong we couldn’t see your bodies at all. And then the arch passed over you again, the wind died down, and here you are.” He looks at us expectantly. “Well? What happened?”
“We went to the past,” I say slowly. “We saw Callie. We completed the mission.”
All true, those lines. But it’s such a gross understatement of what actually happened it feels like a lie. Those sentences capture nothing about Tanner’s past. They skim over how it felt to see my sister again, what I learned about my relationship with my mother. They leave out my insights about my purpose in life.
Only a few seconds have passed, and yet, I’m an entirely new person. A person who bears little resemblance to the old Jessa Stone.
There’ll be plenty of time later to fill in the details. Or maybe not. Maybe those things don’t need to be spoken, shouldn’t be shared. Maybe what has passed should stay in the past. Maybe Tanner and I are the only ones who were meant to remember yesterday.
I reach out and take Tanner’s hand. Whatever happens next, I want it to be with him.
My mother places her hand over our connected ones. Of course she knows there’s more. She was there for part of it. But I’ve also learned she’s nothing if not patient. She’s been waiting for ten years for this day, after all.
“I’m so glad you came back to me,” she says simply.
I try to smile. “Was there ever a doubt?”
Something flickers in her eyes. Hope. Nothing but an ember, really. Her family has been torn apart for so long. A husband stuck in the future, a daughter she believed was dead. Another daughter who spoke to her with only resentment. She’s on the verge of having her entire family back again—but she knows better than to hope.
And yet, it seeps in anyway. Hope is the flame that will not die, no matter how much tragedy tries to smother it.
“I need to see Logan,” I say hoarsely. “I need to tell him about Callie. He has as much right as we do to be there by her side. Whether or not the jingle works, whether or not she wakes up, he should be there when we try.”
Instead of readily acquiescing, as I expect, my parents exchange a look. One that makes my stomach free-fall to the floor.
“What is it, Mom? What. Is. It?”
“We didn’t want to tell you earlier,” she says slowly. “We didn’t want it to interfere with your mission. But Mikey came to me this morning. And he said…” She moves her shoulders helplessly. “Oh, Jessa, he said Logan was going to propose to his new girlfriend today.”
My heart stutters. “Well, did you stop him? Did you explain what we were going to do? That Callie might come back to us?”
She stares at the floor, and my father places his hands on her shoulders. “We couldn’t. Mikey insisted we didn’t interfere, and he has a point. Even now, we have no idea if our crazy plan will work. We don’t know if Callie will wake up. It wouldn’t be fair to knock Logan’s life off-kilter now that he’s moved on.”
“This isn’t about fair.” I remember the way Logan crumpled when my sister’s eyes closed. The way he put himself back together so that he could take me to safety.
In that instant, I know Mikey’s wrong to keep this from Logan. He might mean well. He might be trying to protect his brother. But Logan has already lived his pain. So did Tanner. They both became the people they are because of their experiences.
I wouldn’t erase the Logan I know any more than I would change Tanner. Any more than I would blight Remi out of existence.
“I’m telling him,” I say, looking from my mom to my dad to Tanner. Daring them to disagree. “It’s the right thing to do.”
56
I run. My feet fly over the ground, and my arms whip against the bramble and brush of the woods. The air whistles in and out of my lungs, and a stray branch slashes my forehead. I don’t bother to stop or even wince. I have to find Logan.
Dear Fates. Don’t let me be too late.
Logan wasn’t at his house. He left Mikey’s—where he confided his intention to propose—hours ago. But I know him. There’s one place to which we both escape when we need to think. A place where the sky is our ceiling and the water is our floor. The place where we both feel closest to Callie.
I have to believe that for a decision this big, he would come here first.
Please. Let me be right.
I crash through the woods, heading toward the cove where the lake juts into the land and the trees spread their leafy fingers overhead. I skirt around a fallen moss-covered trunk, and there he is. Sitting on one of two side-by-side stumps that always seemed tailor-made for us.
The sun is warm on my skin, and the air smells of fresh pine and damp earth. This is what the outdoors—what home—always smells like. And yet, my hands are slick with sweat, and my heart thumps in my throat.
I walk to the stumps. My shoes crunch on small sticks, and Logan looks up. Deep circles rim his eyes, and the lines on his face seem to have multiplied. I may have traveled a decade into the past, but in that same time, Logan looks like he’s jumped forward ten years.
“You did it, didn’t you?” I say, my knees weak. “You ejected Callie from your heart.”
He drops his head. “I guess you heard. Every day, Angela and Mikey were on my case. To move on. To let go. To live. This is me, trying to do that.”
I close my eyes. This is my fault. I should’ve told him as soon as I learned about my sister. I shouldn’t have listened to Mikey. I shouldn’t have waited. Because now, we can’t go back to yesterday. Even if Callie wakes up, what’s done is done.
Oh, engagements can be broken. But not for someone like Logan—someone whose word means everything. He’s loyal, steadfast, unflappable. That’s why he is so loved. That’s what makes him who he is.
Everything inside me compresses into a tight, dark ball. I’m too late.