"I destroyed it," I said, "and threw it out."
She nodded.
"Do you object?" I asked.
"No," she said.
"It could have gotten you killed," I said.
"I realize that now," she said. "It was terribly foolish to carry it." "True," I said.
"Beyond such matters," she said, "I should not have had such a thing. It was pretentious and wrong of me to have had it." "Perhaps you will avoid such mistakes in the future," I said. "I will," she said.
A woman's defenses are not steel, but such things as her helplessness and vulnerability, and her capacity to give astounding pleasure.
I stood up.
I glanced into the tarncot. The bird was finishing the meat, that which had earlier been suspended on the rope.
The attendant was near it, his hand on the harness.
I glanced back at the woman.
"I left you an amplitude of garments," I said, "though they would have to be redone, or resewn. They could, at least, have been clutched about you. How is it then, that you are dressed as you are?"
"It is appropriate for me," she said, "that I should have this to wear, or such things, or less, or perhaps nothing."
I did not respond.
She lowered her eyes. She seemed terribly embarrassed. Doubtless she was extremely sensitive about her degree of exposure. Yet she had herself arranged it so. She was extremely white-skinned. Doubtless this was in major part because she was very lightly complexioned genetically, but it was, too, in part, doubtless, because she would have commonly worn the ornate, heavy, stiff, cumbersome robes of concealment affected by most well-to-do Gorean women. The contrast between the robes of concealment and her present revelatory vestiture, more suitable for a property girl, must be particularly, and shockingly, dramatic to her, who knew her own antecedents and station. She must now be experiencing a wealth of new sensations, for example, kneeling on damp stone, and feeling the air upon her body.
I looked into the tarncot. The tarn was finished feeding now, and was being watered. The bone which had been within the meat lay to one side, with a tatter of rope, amidst straw. It was deeply scratched and furrowed. The bird thrust its beak into a tall, narrow vessel. It would draw water into that dreadful recess. It would then put its head back. Then, shaking its head, it would hasten the water down its throat.
"Ah," I said, suddenly bethinking myself of properties, "though you are a free woman I have you on your knees before me, as though you might be a slave. How rude! How boorish of me! I am sorry. Forgive me, Lady." I hastened to lift her to her feet.
"No," she said, quickly, again, frightened, kneeling.
I stepped back, puzzled.
"It is here that I belong," she said, "on my knees, before a man such as you." "I do not understand," I said.
"You disarmed me," she said. "You gagged me. You made me helpless, putting me in a trussing suitable for a slave. You pulled my hood down about my face. You made it so I could not see without risking my own face-stripping. You made my garments such that they were mere covers, strips and pieces, such that I dared not move, lest I be lying naked in a public place, such, too, that they might be lifted from me at a man's pleasure."
"I had not found you pleasing," I explained to her.
"It is my hope that in the future," she said, "I may be found more pleasing." "The tarn is ready," said the attendant. He led it from the cot, it stalking beside him, its head moving about, its eyes round, bright and sharp.
The woman, at the sight of the bird, shrank back, frightened.
"Farewell, free woman," I said.
"No," she said. "Please!"
"Take it to the tarn gate," I said. It was there that I should mount. "Please!" said the free woman.
The attendant led the bird about the cot and shed, toward the tarn gate. I followed him. There he led the bird up the ramp to the landing platform. Again I followed him. From this height I could see the countryside for pasangs about. The air was exhilarating. The tarn was excited. It opened its wings. The beams of the platform were very sturdy. The attendant untied the mounting ladder at the saddle.
I think it must have taken the girl great courage to follow me up the ramp, onto the landing platform, in the vicinity of that winged monster.
When I turned about, to regard her, she knelt swiftly, spreading her knees. It was in this fashion that I had had her kneel earlier, in the inn yard, before me, when I had assumed she was slave.
"Farewell," I said.
"No," she said. "Take me with you!"
"What?" I said.
"I have sold my things," she said. " I have now no more than what you see upon me, two slender black cords, and a strip of yellow cloth, and these coins!" She held them out.
"The purse is heavy," I said. "Buy what you need with it."
"I will give you them all," she said. "Take me with you!"
"I do not understand," I said.
"You have conquered me," she said. "You have taught me that I am a female!" I regarded her. She did look well on her knees.
"Oh, this did not just happen," she said. "I have known this about myself for years. I fought it for years. And now I surrender!"
"Completely, and without reservation?" I inquired.
"Yes!" she said. "Yes!"
"I see," I said.
"I am tired of living a lie," she said. "I am feminine, truly." "I see," I said.
"I belong to men such as you," she said.
That did not seem to me unlikely.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I am Phoebe, Lady of Telnus," she said.
I smiled inwardly. Cosian beauties make excellent slaves. They are not unusual in Port Kar.
"That is a pretty name," I said.
"Take me with you!" she said. "I will pay!"
"In the direction I ride," I said, "there lies danger."
"I accept the risks," she said.
"Even as you are?" I asked.
"Yes," she said, "yes!"
To be sure, the risks were doubtless less for women than for men, for the dangers would threaten primarily from men, and men would know what to do with women. Perhaps the worst that might happen to her would be that she would find herself in the chains of a slave, and laboring, under whips, as a female beast of burden. To be sure, she did face danger, as she was free. Free women, being persons, are far more likely to be killed then slaves, who are animals. Sackers, for example, particularly when the blood lust has passed from them, would not be likely to slay slaves, assuming they are docile and desperately concerned to be totally pleasing, any more than kaiila. They would simply appropriate them for their own.
"I do not need a slave at present," I said. Such did not accord with the first portion of my plan for entering Ar's Station.
"Take me as your servant," she begged.
"My servant?" I asked, looking upon the slim, kneeling, half-naked beauty. "Yes!" she said.
"The tarn is ready," said the attendant.
"I beg female fulfillment!" she said.
"You will not receive full female fulfillment as a mere servant," I said. Such is not totally owned.
"Take me then as a slave!" she said.
"I do not need a slave at present," I said.
"Take me then as a servant," she said. She held out the coins. "I will pay you to do so."
I considered her, her needs, her beauty, her desperation.
"And if I server well," she said, "perhaps later I will prove worthy of the collar.
She lifted the coins higher, pleadingly.
"What sort of servant is it which you wish to be?" I asked.
"Whatever sort of servant you desire," she said.
"A service without restriction, or reservation?" I asked.
"Yes," she said, "such a servant!"
"A full servant?" I asked.
"Yes," she said, "a full servant!"
"It is only as such a servant that I would consider taking you," I said. "Take me as a full servant," she said.