The warmth of his body made the emblem seem to tingle against her palm, and she was transported back to that moment when she'd watched her name going onto the Monument plate, and the feeling that had never wholly left her: I can't rest while others are lost in suffering. The pain and anguish of each and every berserker was her own pain. She had explained that to Shanlun, and he had understood instantly—as no other ever had—how that moment at the Monument was the most sacred moment in her life, rivaling her House-holding Pledge.
"I swear to keep this confidence sealed and hold it only for my children, Unto Sat'htine, Forever."
Digen sank back into his pillows with a sigh. Then he pulled himself together. "Laneff, you've always been taught that 'junct' means 'joined to the kill'—a Sime addicted to killing Gens for selyn. But for the second time in my life, I'm junct, Laneff, yet Ihave never killed– or even badly harmed—a Gen. Being junct and killing are really two completely different things. They are related in that being junct makes life—brighter, more keenly experienced, more beautiful even in its ugly moments, and thus ever so much more worth fighting for. A junct will go after the selyn necessary to live, regardless of the Gen's opinion in the matter. If the wrong Gen gets in the way, the result is a dead Gen."
"This is true even of a nonjunct who has never killed." "Yes, but it takes a whole lot more to push a nonjunct into disregarding the Gen's opinion. My point is that junctedness and the kill are two opposite things. Junctedness enhances the quality of life; the kill ruins all of that enhancement and more. Junctedness is not a pathology, not an unnatural condition as most of my physicians seem to think. The kill, on the other hand, is unnatural."
"There is a truth hidden by the word 'kill,' " said Shanlun. "The kill isn't something the Sime does. It's something the Gen does. To himself, most of the time. Perhaps nature intended the Gen's reflex to waken the Sime to the junct condition. But unfortunately, it only works in the rare instance where Sime and Gen are well and truly matched. A junct Sime can often be a dreadful danger to any other Gen but his own."
"The great question," said Digen heavily, "is whether it is worthwhile to humanity to unleash such a dreadful danger among us."
"But it's not a fruitless danger," answered Shanlun. "Laneff, what you just witnessed here," he said gesturing to the blackened foam oozing down the white wall, "was a full and proper functioning of a channel's systems in what the Tecton terms the junct condition. You're at turnover now. I must have seemed—irresistible. And Digen has been hurt so often he can't tolerate any other Sime even zlinning his Donor at such moments."
"I think I'm beginning to understand," said Laneff,
Shanlun turned to Digen. "I think this may have been the first really positive sign we've had that you'll recover. You were able to deflect your focus from Laneff to a symbol for Laneff. You did that on purpose, didn't you?"
Digen nodded. "No matter what—I won't harm anyone."
"But you've never had any directional control at all before Laneff’s presence made you find your own controls."
For the first time since she'd come in, Laneff saw real hope in the old Sectuib's eyes. "Ha! You're right! I knew from the first she'd be important!"
Shanlun caught her eye with his. "A few of the First Order, four-plus channels like Digen have developed the ability to utilize selyn as energy that can do work at a distance—without any physical contact with the object being manipulated; to move objects, to kindle materials, to transform materials . . . but usually these talents show during the first year after changeover, and the Tecton has developed trust in these aberrant channels because so far they're all Farrises—and they never kill. But Digen's Endowment has only erupted now, too late in life for his body to adjust easily, and that is what's causing the abort problems your compound alleviates."
This supported her theory that K/A was produced naturally in the Sime body to control selyn transport rates. During First Year, the plasticity of the young body would allow glands to develop the capability of producing large amounts of K/A, and the governors to control that amount precisely. An endowed channel would require especially abundant K/A and very precise control of the levels of it. "Then what you're saying is that even renSimes are endowed."
"No, it's not that simple," said Shanlun. "We don't fully understand the theory of junctedness or the Endowment, let alone the exact nature of their relationship. We simply have to live with the fact of all of this and struggle to develop a philosophy that can handle it. One of the facts is that we have never recorded the existence of an endowed renSime."
At that point, Digen moaned, and simultaneously Laneff became aware of another channel's presence—outside the heavily insulated door. A Farris? She moved closer to the door as Shanlun focused wholly on Digen, who seemed to be suffering hallucinations. She identified the channel. Mairis! At once she flipped off the privacy seal and opened the door.
Mairis glanced unsurprised at the charred wall and oozing foam, zlinned Digen and Shanlun, then commanded, "Laneff, go bring a hefty dose of your K/A. We've got to get a transfer into the Sectuib– now!"
She sped down the hall to her lab knowing that Mairis had not come expecting such a scene. His swift acceptance told her more about how routine it was than all of Shanlun's theory. When she returned with her new supply, fresh from her drying oven, Mairis cupped the jar of white powder in one hand.
"That's his third abort, Laneff. Shanlun can't control it. We're going to have to try your miracle drug again."
"Here's the analysis," she answered, handing over a long sheet of graph paper on which a single tall peak was sketched with only a few tiny peaks to either side of it. "It's the same stuff, and pure."
Shanlun took the jar and rotated it while Mairis eyed the graph. Shanlun nodded, and Laneff handed him a folded envelope of the compound. "This is the same dosage we used last time."
The Gen conferred with Mairis, and then introduced the entire contents of the envelope into the intravenous bottle they had prepared, feeding into Digen's ankle.
The old man now seemed frail and withered, unconscious against the smooth linens. His skin was pale, and the animated presence had disappeared. But still he breathed.
They waited while the drips rolled down the tubing. Mairis held the shape of the selyn fields around Digen so steady that Laneff knew she could stay and watch without danger of her causing another of Digen's fits. She leaned against the medications cart, duoconscious, and waited.
Presently, Mairis said, "Try it again. He's weakening." "I'd rather wait for Yanine," said Shanlun. "You said she'd be right along."
"I can work without my Companion," argued Mairis. "We don't have time."
As if to verify that, Digen tossed restlessly as he came to partial consciousness. He was in hard need, but Laneff couldn't tell how close to attrition. A renSime couldn't zlin such detail in a channel's nager.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Shanlun captured Digen's hands in his own—Gen muscles straining even against the enfeebled old channel. Once again, the Gen's field flowered into a peculiarly compelling gold—blunted for Laneff by Mairis.
As Shanlun made the fifth contact point, Laneff was sure it would work this time. And then, with a surge of thrashing, Digen sent Shanlun flying across the room to crash into the wall and slump senseless to the floor.
Mairis closed on his great grandfather, twisting and distorting the fields so oddly that Laneff fled to hypoconsciousness to avoid it. Able only to see, hear, feel, but not to zlin, she dashed across the room to Shanlun. What if his neck is broken?