I was still unpacking when Buddy announced, “We had a problem while you were away.”
I looked over at them. “Oh?” Buddy was the Pledge Master, and George was scheduled to be the Hell Master. It had to be something with the Pledges.
Buddy and George looked at each other, as if to ask who was going to admit it. He just nodded. “I didn’t find out about it until it was over.”
George added, “I was over in Grogans’, so I never knew about it.” He looked very embarrassed at this.
“Knew about what?” I looked over at Joe, but he had spent the weekend away, too.
“The Dregs got loose. Friday night, while all the pledges were hanging out, the Dregs got drunk and made the pledges crawl around on the floor,” said Buddy.
“They did what?”
“I heard it was worse than that,” said my roommate. I looked at him for a second, and then turned back to Buddy and George.
Buddy dropped into the chair at my desk. “From what I’ve heard, Boris, the Hammer, and Ghormley got it into their peabrains that since pledges had never been laid, they needed to experience sex, so they made them get undressed, put their underwear on their heads, and crawl on their bellies up the stairs. Somehow this was to simulate working their way up through a cock. Don’t ask me to explain it. I don’t understand it.”
“When did this happen?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Friday night.”
“And you guys let these idiots do this? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU!?” I exploded.
“Hey, I didn’t even know about it. I was over in Grogans’,” replied George.
“It was a quiet night. Most of us were down at Crows. They were having a party,” said Buddy lamely.
“Christ! How many of the pledges did they get to do this?”
“Uh, about eight or nine, I think.”
“You think? You don’t know? Jesus H. Fucking Christ! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW!?”
Buddy cringed at this, so George answered. “It looks like there were nine pledges in the house. Afterwards they all took off and left to go back to the dorms. They’ve all heard about it by now.”
“And?” I knew there had to be more to this.
“Six have dropped out of the pledge class.” He gave me the names. “Three who were here and three who missed it.”
I just stared for a second. Six out of an incoming class of fourteen. That was an almost 50 % drop. This was not good. The last two classes had been relatively small. We needed a big class to keep the numbers up.
Everybody pays ‘dues’ to live in the house. This is about 90 % room and board, with the balance for various social items and random requirements. It’s like any business, where you meet your requirements with a certain level of occupancy. Anything above that gives you additional funds. It’s also a battle between overcrowding and cash. Sophomore year we had 37 brothers living in and were crowded, but we had plenty of cash for parties and rush activities and decent meals. Since then the number of brothers had been dropping. Lots of guys had single rooms (excellent for getting laid) but cash was tight. We were down to about 30 brothers. If 6 guys dropped out, it would be down into the mid-20s, and that’s a problem. All of your money is going to room and board, you still need to raise dues, and you don’t have enough cash to recruit or rush. It becomes a vicious circle. Not enough brothers means not enough dues means there’s no money to recruit new brothers and the number just starts dropping for another round.
“Six? You have got to be shitting me! This just keeps getting better and better!”
By now, a few of the other guys in the house had stuck their heads in the door and weighed in on the problem. It sounded just about as bad as it could get. After a bit more, with everyone explaining that they weren’t around to do anything, I announced that there would be a formal house meeting that night, even though it wasn’t scheduled, and threw them all out to pass the word.
Then I went down to the basement. I was going to set the room up for the meeting, but I was doing it the way I wanted to. I also reviewed my copy of the KGS handbook for any guidance I could find. I was chowing down on a big shit sandwich.
The meeting was called for eight that evening. By about five minutes of, guys started trickling in. Usually there’s a lot of shit and trash talk going on, but tonight it was very subdued. Losing six pledges was a major damper on the night’s festivities. Normally the guys have to grab their own chairs and set them up in a circle, but I had already taken that upon myself. Likewise, normally there is a folding table set in the middle of the room, with five chairs at it, with one at the head and two at each side. Tonight I had the table set up perpendicular, and only had one chair set up, and it was towards the back. Everybody else’s chair was in a circle and set up facing towards the table, and I was already sitting at the table.
Bruno came down and looked at the table. Normally, as Minister, he would be seated at my right hand. He grabbed a chair from the circle and approached. I just pointed back at the circle. “No, I want everybody in the circle tonight.” Confused and hurt, he went back to the circle. Fuck him! I wasn’t worried about his feelings. The other members of the Council noted what was going on and just sat down in their chairs, although the Scrivener, a confused sophomore, wanted to know how he was going to take the minutes. I just looked at him and told him to figure it out.
Eventually the room filled up, with the Dregs coming in last. Since it had been a quiet weekend otherwise, attendance was damn near perfect. When I judged that everyone who was going to show was here, I rapped my gavel on the table. “I’m calling the meeting to order.”
Billy Hoskins, the confused sophomore, immediately piped up and started calling the roll. Before he got too far along I said, “Billy, don’t bother. We’re here.”
He looked confused. “But for the minutes…”
“Forget the minutes. We’re not reading the minutes. We’re not doing old business and new business. Take some notes and leave it at that.”
Billy looked confused at this, and started fumbling through his paperwork. I ignored him. I just slowly looked around the room, from one side to the other and back again. “I’m going to make this very simple. We have one topic and one topic only tonight, and that is the event that happened Friday night. Here’s how we’re going to handle it. I’m going to talk and everybody else is going to be quiet. How’s that for simplicity? Everybody got that?”
There was a loud murmur that went through the place, especially among the crones and the Dregs, mostly sitting over on my left. Swayzack spoke up and said, “You can’t do that!”
“We’ll get to that in a minute or two. In the meanwhile, give me a chance to talk. Alright?” I didn’t give him a chance to agree or disagree, but pushed forward. “Okay, that’s settled. I want to talk about Friday night. Let me see if I have this right.”
“Friday night, Brothers Goldstein, Ghormley, and Hotaling decided that our pledge class needed to learn about sex. Specifically, the following pledges who were in the house at the time…” I picked up my notes and read off their names. After I had set up the basement, I had returned to my room and typed up some notes and letters. Joe had read my mood and left me alone. “They were then ordered to undress down to their skin, put their underpants on their head, and crawl up the stairs and down the hall like sperm. This was, I am told, to give them an idea of what sex was like. Do I have that correct?”
The room was fairly quiet, although there was a lot of whispering back and forth, and even a few chuckles out of the Dregs. Screw them! “DO I HAVE THAT CORRECT?!” I yelled.
The Hammer said, “Fuck you, Buckman. What is this bullshit?”