Breathing became labored and the burn running through my muscles was more than welcomed by my body. I lived for the burn, for the numbing agent that temporarily eased the sear in my soul.
Upper cut, upper cut, upper cut….
“Fuck!” I shouted as I cross-punched the bag, sending it into the air for a moment of relief. With one last spin, I dodged the bag and threw another right hook into it before tearing myself away.
Catching my breath, I leaned against the cool wall of the training room in Jett’s hotel only a select few had access to.
The door opened and Goldie popped in, wearing her typical workout gear of short shorts and a tank top.
Goldie unfortunately was one of the people with access.
Lyla followed, wearing a sports bra and shorts, looking more provocative than Goldie.
Lyla was another person with access to the gym. Fuck me.
The one woman who haunted my dreams was a constant presence in my daily routine thanks to Goldie, my best friend’s girl.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were in here,” Goldie said, startled by my appearance. “Are you done?” she asked, taking in the scene in front of her.
The hanging bag continued to sway from my forceful punches, sweat marked the mats in a ring around the bag, and my entire body was on fire from my workout. I abused my body every chance I got, and today was no exception.
“I’m done,” I answered curtly, tearing my gloves off with my teeth.
“I thought you worked out at night,” Goldie said as she stepped up on the treadmill and started pressing buttons.
“I do.”
Avoiding Lyla’s glare, I tore off the tape encasing my hands, wadded it up, threw it in the trash can and grabbed my water. I didn’t want any drama.
Seeing Lyla was inevitable, but fuck if I didn’t want to bump into her every day, just to see her beautiful face. It would be like running into your ex every damn day, but the funny thing was Lyla and me had never been in a relationship. We just suffered from explosive sexual tension, which in my opinion was worse. My body craved hers in every way possible, but I wasn’t allowed to have her, and fucking someone else wasn’t even a quick fix. It just made the urge to make Lyla mine even more demanding.
I was heading for the door when Goldie called to me. “Don’t you want to boss me around in here? You never pass up the chance to make me sweat.”
The sexual innuendo in her tone did not escape me.
I enjoyed training others, torturing them on the treadmill and then forcing them to do plyometrics until they were ready to collapse. Goldie was the most fun to train because she was a sassy, stubborn woman who always put up a fight, so forcing her to do burpees on command was a real pleasure. But with Lyla in the room, I really wasn’t in the mood.
Without turning around, I shook my head and said, “Not today.”
“Kace, what’s wrong?” Goldie asked, sounding sincere.
“Nothing,” I shot back, making it to the door and ignoring the troubled look on Lyla’s face.
I grabbed a towel from a shelf on the way out and wrapped it around my neck to absorb some of the sweat that continued to trickle down my soaked skin.
The physical exertion I’d just put my body through was now a giant waste of time because the stress I’d been trying to reduce had come back full force the minute Lyla walked through the doors.
Our last real conversation that didn’t involve fighting ran through my mind on constant replay. All she wanted was a little something from me, a little give. She wanted to know who I was, why I didn’t lead my own life, why I refused to accept happiness. But what she wanted I couldn’t give her because that meant explaining myself, and explaining myself wasn’t an option.
I’d asked her to let it go, to not worry about it, but that wasn’t good enough for her. She needed more; she needed a man with a heart, with the ability to share his life, something that was impossible for me to do.
The touch of her small hand against my bare chest still branded me. I could still feel her soft body pressed against mine, the weight of her full breasts resting against my skin, her hardened nipples grazing me ever so slightly.
Fuck!
I shook my head, downed the rest of my water bottle, and started toward my room. I had some plans for the community center to go over before we were allowed access into the building. I wanted to make sure it was as safe as could be before I allowed the employees inside.
When Jett had approached me with the idea of managing the place, I’d accepted the opportunity. It was a job I was more than willing to take on because the act of helping others appealed to me. Even though I wasn’t the most approachable person, I still felt the need to help others achieve their dreams since mine were gone.
“Kace,” Lyla called, making my entire body go numb.
Why? Why couldn’t she leave me the fuck alone?
I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t. I couldn’t look her in the eyes, the beautiful green eyes that haunted me at night.
“Kace, can I please talk to you?”
No, I thought.
I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted to fuck. I needed to fuck her out of my system. That’s what it was. I just needed one more moment in time with her legs wrapped around me, crying my name in the throes of ecstasy.
That’s what I convinced myself of at least. Well, tried to convince myself.
“I have things to do, Lyla,” I answered.
“Turn around,” she said softly and pulled on my shoulder.
My stomach sank from her tone. I clenched my jaw and willed myself not to turn around and push her up against the wall so I could take what I wanted.
Taking a deep breath, I looked her in the eyes. Her face was full of concern and questions I had no intention of answering.
“What?” I asked, rather rudely, but better to be rude than put my heart on the floor for her to stomp on.
Caught off guard for a second, she searched my eyes. “Can I just talk to you for a second?”
“Sure, talk.” I gestured for her to continue.
Gaining courage, she said, “I want to apologize for last night. I wasn’t very nice to you at all, and I shouldn’t have been throwing myself at other guys while you were there.”
Last night, another way our paths had crossed. Our lives were tangled together because our best friends were engaged. It was an unfair circumstance I had to live with.
“I don’t care what you do with other men,” I lied.
In fact, I’d ached last night watching her engage with someone other than myself. Lyla was my crutch, a pleasure I couldn’t allow myself to have. My life was going nowhere. She didn’t need to be sucked into my void. I couldn’t offer her the things she deserved.
She gave me a pointed look. “That’s why you interrupted my conversation with Diego?”
She had me there. Diego was my friend, and I’d taken it upon myself to educate him on my unreasonable expectations when it came to Lyla. Basically I couldn’t be with her, but I didn’t want anyone else to be with her either.
“He’s bad news,” I lied again. Diego was probably one of the most upstanding guys I knew besides Jett. He would never do anything dishonest. The minute he’d found out about my situation with Lyla, he backed off immediately.
“Sure.” A small smile spread across Lyla’s lips, her soft and full lips.
“Is that all?” I asked.
“I just wanted to apologize. I know you’re going through a tough time….”
“What?” I asked, anger starting to boil up inside of me. “Who told you I was going through a tough time?”
“I was talking to the girls, and they were saying something about the summer—”
“Don’t fucking talk to them about me,” I gritted out, interrupting her. Goldie and the Jett Girls loved to gossip and push my buttons. Of course they would talk about me to Lyla. “They know nothing about me, so it’s best you all mind your own fucking business. Got it?” I tried to contain my rage, but it was hard not to get in her face, to startle her enough to leave me alone. She didn’t need to be snooping around in my past. That was the last thing I wanted her to do. She didn’t need to be exposed to my weaknesses.