Deep down, I knew she was right. I’d been denying the acceptance of her truth for so long, I wasn’t sure how much it would take for me to finally believe it, to make it my truth.
“There is so much you don’t know,” I answered, burying my head in her shoulder.
She cradled me close. “Well, then, tell me. I won’t run, Kace. I told you, I’m here to stay.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why are you choosing to stay?”
She played with the short strands of my hair. “I had a conversation with Goldie. She told me not to give up, that you needed someone to believe in you, to be there for you other than Jett. You needed someone to save you. I couldn’t walk away. I want to be the one who erases the demons that haunt you. I want to be the one who brings you back from the dark and shows you the light of this world. I want to be the one who makes you laugh, makes you smile, makes you appreciate this wonderful gift we call life. I want it all, Kace.”
I gripped her tighter, letting my heart swell for the first time since I could remember, and I said, “I want you to be that person, Lyla. I want it so fucking badly.”
Chapter Thirty
My present…
I lingered impatiently on the sidewalk, pacing back and forth as I waited for Jett to show up. He hadn’t been very happy when he answered his phone after the fourth consecutive time I called, but what I had to do was urgent.
I’d left Lyla while she was sleeping, leaving a note that said there were some things I had to take care of. She wouldn’t be happy. She hadn’t been happy after I told her I didn’t want to talk about my past. I was probably destroying the chance of being with her with every brush-off I gave her, but before I could commit myself, I had to straighten my sanity out first.
If we were meant to be, then it would happen.
The door to Jett’s hotel opened, and Jett walked out looking freshly fucked and wearing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, a casual outfit not too many people saw on such a powerful man.
Jett rubbed his eyes and said, “This better be fucking good.”
I gestured to the car that was idling with the air conditioning blasting since it was already eighty degrees at five in the morning. New Orleans in the summer was almost unbearable at times.
We got in the car and buckled up. I pulled out onto the empty street that was lined with palm trees and started driving toward our destination.
“Where are we going?” Jett asked, sounding groggy.
“Linda came and talked to me.”
Jett became more alert. “What did she say?”
“She knows,” I stated simply.
“What? How?”
“She saw me at the funeral and then saw me dropping presents off all these years. I guess I’m not as stealthy as I thought I was.”
“Holy shit,” Jett breathed, wiping his hand over his mouth. “Did you confirm?”
“I didn’t have an option.”
“Fuck, Kace,” Jett said, sounding shaken. “What is she going to do? Is she pressing charges? Does she even have any evidence?”
“She’s not going to do anything,” I responded, trying to calm down my best friend.
“Why not?”
“Look in the glove compartment.” Jett studied me for a second and then opened it. “Pull those cards out.”
“What are these?” he asked while looking at them.
“They’re all from Madeline. They’re thank you cards for all the gifts I’ve given her over the years. Linda gave them to me.”
Jett was silent as he looked through the cards, reading each and every one of them, taking time to note the way her penmanship improved by running his hands over it, the way her sentence structure grew stronger and the use of bigger, more descriptive words.
By the time Jett finished, we’d arrived at our destination. He looked up at me, tears in his eyes.
“I can’t believe she’s kept these.”
“She said she wanted to give them to me at some point. They mean the world to me, to see even though I was suffering, Madeline was incredibly grateful and happy about the little presents I gave her. Linda also gave me this,” I said while handing Jett an envelope.
“What is it?”
“Take a look.”
Jett opened the envelope and pulled out a letter that provided access to a bank account for all the money I had given Linda and Madeline over the years.
“She didn’t use any of it,” I said softly.
“I don’t understand,” Jett said, confused. “Why are we at the cemetery?”
Gathering my will to speak the words that had only been spoken to me a few short hours ago, I took a deep breath and said, “Linda wanted to thank me. She was an abuse victim, Jett. Marshall used to beat the shit out of her; she had pictures to prove it. The love I thought I’d taken away from them was actually hate. That night, the night I killed Marshall, he hit Madeline for the first time.” Jett’s jaw tightened as his eyes narrowed. “Linda brought Madeline to Justice so she could learn how to defend herself if she was ever in a violent relationship. She doesn’t want Madeline to go through what she went through.”
I steadied my breathing and ran my hand over my eyes as tears threatened to fall. My throat constricted as I tried to speak. “She told me I saved her and Madeline. I saved them, Jett.” Tears fell as I cried into my hands. “I didn’t ruin them, I fucking saved them.”
The demons I’d been hiding for so long surfaced as I spoke the words out loud to the one man who’d been through it all with me. The guilt and remorse that had been woven into my soul started to release from my body as I continued to speak.
“She thanked me for changing her life, for giving her hope, for taking away an evil man. This whole time I thought I’d destroyed their lives when in fact, I bettered them. They were happy without him, Jett. At the park that day, when they looked so normal, it was because they were happy. They were relieved. I’d protected them from harm and ended a nightmare for Linda. All this time, they were breathing lighter while I was grasping for air.”
Jett got out of the car and walked around to my side, opened my door, and pulled me out of my seat. He wrapped his arms around me and embraced me as I cried into his shoulder. It was too early for onlookers, but even if there had been people milling about, I wouldn’t have cared. The life I once knew was finally evaporating and for once, in a very long time, I could see light at the end of the tunnel. The old Kace, the demon-riddled Kace, was dying.
Linda had released a part of me. She’d lifted my burden and let me breathe. It took me a bit to accept it, but speaking the words out loud to Jett, I realized my wrongdoings had been a blessing in disguise. They gave me a second life, a second chance, a chance I refused to waste.
Pulling away, I looked at Jett and realized we were both crying. I smirked as I wiped my eyes and said, “Fuck, we look like a couple of dickheads.”
“The hell if I care,” Jett said, pulling me into his embrace again.
He was my brother, the one person who had been by my side during the darkest of my days, guiding me and protecting me. “I would do it again,” I admitted. “I would put up with the guilt, the shame, the sins just to know that in the end, Madeline and Linda would be protected.”
“I would too,” Jett admitted. “Tell me it’s over, Kace. Tell me you’re moving on. Tell me this fucking nightmare is done.” Jett was pleading. I could tell he wanted his best friend back, the man he used to know. It would take some time, but I was ready to move on.
“I’ve been waiting for this moment to be free, and I’m fucking taking it. I just have one more thing to do.”
A giant smile spread across Jett’s face from my confession. I could see the hope, the happiness that ensued him. Not only was I setting myself free, but I was giving my best friend one of the things he needed the most, besides Goldie; I was giving him his brother back.