“I’m so sorry,” Lyla said, kissing my jaw again.
I shut my eyes tightly and tried to even out my pulse that began to quicken. This was much harder than I thought.
Clearing my throat, I said, “There was a guy there that night. He found out who I was and took it upon himself to provoke me. He started physically attacking me.”
“What do you mean? Like he tried to pick a fight?”
“Yes.”
“Was he an idiot? Didn’t he know who he was against?”
“He did, but he also thought I was some puss bag who used steroids to get to where I was. He never considered the fact that I was actually good at my sport.”
“What did he do?”
“He continued to attack me. At first I welcomed the pain, but then he pushed me past my limit and I struck back with four punches. I can see it so vividly now as if it just happened. A punch to the stomach, a right uppercut, then a left jab and right jab to his temples.”
“Oh my god.” Lyla covered her mouth. I could feel her tense underneath me and panic started to ensue me. I couldn’t lose her over this, but I knew if I didn’t tell her, if I kept this secret, I would lose her for sure.
My throat closed, my eyes burned, and I could feel myself shake with nerves, terrified that with my next spoken words she would get up and walk away.
“I…I killed him, Lyla. In a matter of seconds, I killed a man and watched him bleed out underneath me.”
“No.” She shook her head as she pulled away, my gut clenching from her distance.
“I’m sorry,” I said, tears running down my face. “I didn’t mean to. I lost control. Jett covered it up, and that’s when I gave everything up, moved in with Jett, and started working at the Lafayette Club, building it from the ground up with him. I spent my days either getting drunk, reminding myself of the monster I was, or training the girls. I drank until I was numb, I fucked to temporarily forget, and I swore to myself to take care of the ones whose lives I destroyed.”
“The person you were buying a present for…,” she stated, connecting the dots.
“Yeah, Madeline. She’s the man’s daughter, and Linda was his wife.”
“Wait, Linda and Madeline, aren’t they the mother-daughter duo at Justice?” I nodded my head as she tried to grasp everything I was telling her. She scooted away again, and a little piece of me broke in half.
“Lyla, please don’t distance yourself. I can’t…” I rubbed my eyes and said, “I need you to understand me.”
She bent her knee and placed it on the bench so she was fully facing me now. She grabbed my hand with both of hers and scooted in closer so she was only inches away.
“Then keep talking, Kace.”
I nodded and said, “Every Christmas and every birthday, I would drop off a present to Madeline since she wouldn’t be getting one from her father. I thought it was only fitting to give her something. I also would leave money for them every month in their mailbox. I wanted to make sure they were taken care of. I was so convinced they were struggling, that I had ruined their lives.”
“That night after our date, when we went back to your place and you told me about your father, I freaked out because all I could see was you as the grown-up version of Madeline. That she was going to have to have a tough life like you. I lost it. I should have comforted you, but instead, I ran because your story hit too close to home.”
“I didn’t have anyone, Kace. Madeline at least had her mother.”
“I know that now,” I replied. “This whole time, I haven’t allowed myself to have feelings for people, to live a normal life, because I didn’t think I deserved one. Up until yesterday, I was ready to let go, to finally slip into a dark place, to end my fucking misery…”
“No,” Lyla said, crawling onto my lap and grabbing my head in her hands. “Don’t say things like that.” Her eyes welled up with tears and her lips kissed away the trail of tears on my cheeks.
“I had nothing left in me, Lyla. I was at a point where the pain was too excruciating. Having to teach Madeline how to box on a daily basis, watching her in person, her fiery spirit, it was debilitating. From a distance I could deal with my remorse, but up close, I could barely function.”
“What changed your mind?” she asked, gripping me tightly.
“Linda did,” I answered honestly. “She knew it was me.”
“She knew you killed her husband?”
“Yes.”
“How?” Lyla asked, confused.
“She saw me at the funeral and dropping off gifts, and she put two and two together. When she saw me at Justice and the pain I was living with, she knew for sure.”
“And she confronted you?” Lyla questioned.
“No, she came to thank me.”
“For killing her husband?”
“For ending her misery,” I corrected. “He abused her on a daily basis, he terrified her, and that night I killed him, he went after Madeline. Linda wanted to thank me, to tell me how grateful she was for protecting them, for saving them…”
“Oh, Kace.” Lyla pulled me into a hug, and I buried my head in her hair, getting lost in her cherry scent.
“I didn’t ruin them, Lyla. I saved them.”
“You did, baby,” Lyla said, pulling me closer and kissing my neck. “You’re a good man, Kace.”
Relief spread through me. A final weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I relaxed into her embrace.
“You believe me?” I asked.
“Of course I do, Kace. You’re a good man and I know you wouldn’t lie to me. I told you, there is nothing you could say that would push me away. I knew from the moment I met you, there was something special between us. You were meant for me, Kace, faults and all.”
I slowly looked up into her green eyes and grasped the nape of her neck. I pulled her forward and placed my forehead on hers.
“I’ve fallen in love with you, Lyla. Somewhere along this journey, I allowed myself to feel for you, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. Every day, I fell harder and harder until it was impossible for me to forget your soft lips and your beautiful heart. You were made for me, babe, and I will be damned if you get away.”
Lyla kissed my lips softly and said, “I’ve fallen for you too, Kace. I’ve fallen hard.”
“I just had to let go of my demons before I could commit to you because what I want with you is something I never thought I could have, but now I can. I want to start fresh. I want us to live together. I want us to work together. I don’t want you leaving my sight. I’m so fucking gone when it comes to you, Lyla. I want everything with you.”
“I want the same, Kace. I love you.”
“I love you, babe.”
Smiling, she pulled my lips to hers and kissed me senseless. My hands fell to her hips as I let her take control of our connection. We were both needy and desperate for each other. It had been a long road to get to where I was now, but I wouldn’t give up the journey for anything.
Like the song “Blackbird” by The Beatles, I’d taken my broken wings and waited to fly. I’d waited for my time to rise. With broken and bandaged wings, I was ready to fucking soar. The blackbird was now free.
I’d finally paid my repentance.
Epilogue
“Ketchup on a hot dog?” I asked Madeline with a disapproving glare. “Didn’t your mother teach you anything? Its mustard and relish, not ketchup. Ketchup belongs on hamburgers.”
“Oh, Mr. Kace, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Have you ever tried it?”