Work. Work was better than any contact, at least for him. He could lose himself in the calculations for his paper and the time would fly by.
He sat down at his console and went through the routines required to access Darnell's Cray II. Then he used his private access codes to call up his personal files. The terminal beeped. He was stunned by the message.
ERROR. FILE NOT IN MEMORY.
He shook his head. Must have hit a wrong key somewhere in the sequence. That wasn't like him. More fallout from the binge. He input his access codes again, and was rejected again.
No. This was impossible.
Shaking now, he input an alternate access route to his backup files. Another beep. Another error message.
Oh, no! Oh, please, no!
He tried again. And again. The same result every time. The files were gone! Gone!
He got up and walked around the room. This couldn't be! He was the only one who knew his access codes. No one could even find those files, let alone erase them.
No one but me.
He stopped in midstride. He'd been back here last night—the broken glass proved it. What had he done? Had he accessed his files and wiped them out in some drunken fit of self-destructive rage?
That was the only answer. A year's worth of work—gone! It would take him forever to rework those calculations.
He hadn't fallen off the wagon and lost a night—he'd lost a year!
In a daze, he reached for his coat and wandered toward the door. He had to get out, take a walk, get away from that useless, empty terminal.
Maybe to Raftery's.
Bill rinsed the last of the dirt off his hands and forearms and reached for a paper towel. A good day. Despite Clancy's constant chatter about his sexual prowess, they'd managed to fix the last of the faulty fittings in the north lawn's sprinkler system today. It would be ready to go when growing season started.
He was just about dried off when Joe Bob stepped into the washroom.
"Hey, Willy! There's a lady outside wants to see you."
"Who dat?" Clancy called from across the room. "His momma?"
Amid the laughter, Joe Bob said, "No way. This blond babe's young enough to be his daughter. I think she's faculty. And she's built like a brick shithouse."
That description fit only one person Bill knew: Lisl. He wondered what she wanted.
The laughter changed to hoots and catcalls as Bill crossed the washroom toward the door, shaking his head and smiling at their good-natured crudeness. They'd all been half convinced mere was something a little strange about him because he never joined in on their "can-you-top-this" recountings of their sexual escapades. They actually seemed happy for him now, and he couldn't help being warmed by the groundswell of grtod feeling, no matter how wrongheaded.
"Didn't I tell you guys," Joe Bob said as Will pushed through the swinging door, "it's always the quiet ones who get the quality pussy."
He found her outside the garage door. As soon as he saw her tense, pale face he knew something was very wrong.
"Lisl! Are you okay?"
Her eyes filled with tears and her lips quivered as she nodded.
"Oh, Will, I… I've done something awful!"
Will glanced around. This wasn't the place for her to be telling him about something awful. He took her elbow and guided her toward the parking lot.
"We'll talk in my car."
He helped her into the passenger seat. By the time he'd slid in behind the wheel on the other side, she was sobbing openly. He didn't start the car.
"What is it, Lisl?"
"Oh, God, Will, I don't want to tell you. I'm so ashamed. But I need help and you're the only one I can turn to."
Words from the past scrolled through his brain.
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned…
"It involves Rafe, doesn't it?" he said, hoping to get her going.
Her head snapped up. She stared at him.
"How did you know?"
"Lucky guess." He didn't want to tell her that he'd sensed that the garbage philosophy Rafe had been feeding her would lead to trouble. "Go ahead. Let it out. I won't turn away from you. No matter what."
There was gratitude in her eyes, but no lessening of the pain there.
"I hope you feel the same way when I'm finished."
Bill listened with growing horror as Lisl recounted the events of the past week and a half. He almost groaned aloud when she told him about Rafe producing the vial of ethanol. He saw the rest of the scenario in a flash but he had to let Lisl talk it through.
"And now I don't know where he is," she said as she finished describing her search of the bars in the area around Ev's apartment. Tears were sliding down her cheeks. "He could be anywhere. He could be dead!"
Bill sat behind the wheel and stared straight ahead. He fought to overcome his shock and revulsion and frame a reply. He had to say something—but what? What could he say to ease her pain? And should he even attempt to ease her pain? What she had done was… abominable.
"What on earth, Leese? What on earth prompted you to do such a thing?"
"I didn't mean to hurt him! I'd never do anything to hurt Ev!"
"How can you say that after spiking his orange juice?"
Her lips quivered. "I was so sure he was a Prime. I thought he could overcome it. I was sure he could. Rafe was putting him down and I thought that would prove to Rafe that Ev was one of us."
Bill tried but couldn't neutralize the acid in his voice.
"Who's us? People who sabotage another person's life? I don't think Professor Sanders falls into that group."
Lisl dropped her head into her hands.
"Please, Will. I need your help. I thought you'd understand."
"Understand? Lisl, I don't know if I'll ever understand what you did. But I will help. For Sanders's sake, and for yours. Because I still believe in you. And because I hope this will open your eyes to the garbage Rafe has been feeding you. Primes!" Merely saying the word left a sour taste in his mouth. "The whole concept is morally and intellectually bankrupt. And so is Rafe."
Lisl stared at him. "No. Don't say that. He's brilliant. He's—"
"He's the reason you're feeling miserable and why Everett Sanders is out on a tear. Hooking up with that guy was the worst thing that ever happened to you."
"He's not all bad. For the first time in my life I felt good about myself."
"How good are you feeling now?"
She looked away without answering.
"Lisl, it's a false self-esteem when you have to look down on someone else before you can feel good about yourself. Real self-esteem comes from within."
Lisl's face hardened for an instant, then crumbled.
"You're right," she sobbed. "You've been right all along, haven't you?"
Bill took her in his arms and held her like a crying child. Poor Lisl. She'd been dragged into hell and hadn't known it. But even worse was the hell she had caused Everett Sanders.
After a moment she straightened up.
"Will you help me find Ev?"
"Yes. But first I want to see if I can find out something about Rafe."
"There's no time."
"This will only take a minute. Does your office computer have a modem?"
"Yes. The department subscribes to a number of data bases. How will that—?"
He started the Impala and threw it into gear.
"Just get me to your computer."
He drove over to the math building and parked in front. Lisl led him to her office. While she was setting up her terminal for him, he unplugged her desk phone and looked for a place to put it. All the other offices on the floor were locked up tight. As he held the phone in his sweaty hands, his anger grew. He didn't have time for this. He opened the window and tossed it out. He watched it bounce and roll on the grass three stories below, then turned and found Lisl staring at him.