Ev's codes.
Weak, numb, feeling lost and very much alone, Lisl turned in a slow circle and stared at the condo's empty rooms.
Gone. Rafe had packed up and vanished. No good-bye, no note of explanation. Just gone. Not even a snide, nasty note, telling her that she hadn't lived up to his standards—she would have preferred that to nothing. She now knew what his standards were and she wanted no part of them.
But the test tube and the access codes—they transfixed her. To take everything else and leave only them was calculated cruelty. Brilliant cruelty. Hard evidence of what she had done, reminders that she had made possible everything that had happened.
She stared down at them, then closed her eyes.
Ev's face stared back at her from the inner surface of her lids.
With a cry she gripped the cowrie slung from her neck and pulled, breaking the gold chain. She flung the necklace across the room and fled Rate's apartment.
She drove to Will's place but it was just as she'd left it in the early hours of the morning—empty. At least his furniture was still here, but where was Will? It didn't look as if he'd been back since she'd been here.
An awful thought struck her: Was he in on this too?
No, that was too crazy, too paranoid. Indeed, Rafe had something weird going on in his head, but Will wasn't part of it, she was sure. But where was he?
She gave up and headed for home. On the way, it began to rain.
For an instant, as she entered her apartment, she had the feeling that Rafe might be there waiting for her. But no, it was empty.
Empty… just like her, just like her whole life. She'd never felt so alone, so cut off. If only there was someone she could call, talk to. But she'd never had any really close friends here, and since becoming involved with Rafe she'd grown away from the few she might have called. And her parents—oh, God, she couldri't talk to them even about simple things, so how could she discuss this? Will was the only one, and he'd disappeared.
She went into the bedroom and fell across the rumpled sheets. Sleep. That might do it. Just a few hours respite from the grief, the guilt, the loneliness. She'd be able to function then.
But function at what? Go back to the math department? After what she'd done? Slide up in the pecking order with no fuss because Ev was no longer in the way? How could she do that?
Lisl sat on the edge of her unmade bed and tried to visualize her future. She saw nothing. It was as if she'd been struck blind. In a sudden panic she reached into her night table for the bottle of Restoril.
Sleep. I've got to get some sleep!
But no way was she going to get any with Ev staring back at her every time she closed her eyes.
She took the bottle to the bathroom and swallowed two capsules—twice the normal dose, but she was sure she'd need it. She looked at herself in the mirror, at her hollow, haunted face, her guilty eyes.
You worthless piece of shit.
Amid a rush of fresh tears, she poured a dozen more capsules into her hand and washed them down, then a dozen or so more, and again, until the bottle was empty. It had been almost full—maybe ninety capsules. She dropped it into the sink and shuffled back to her bed to wait for sleep, and for peace, permanent peace. This would fix it. No more guilt, no more pain.
She lay on her back and listened to the rain outside. She stared at the ceiling, forcing her eyes to fix on a crack above her, keeping them open to ward off visions of Ev's last moment alive.
Finally the growing lethargy tugged on her lids, closing them. As the silent, faceless darkness rose around her, engulfing her like warm water, she embraced it.
Peace.
She thought she heard a noise in the room. She tried to open her eyes but could barely part her lids. Someone was standing over her. It looked like Rafe. He seemed to be smiling, but she could not react. She was floating now, being pulled downstream…
… downstream…
As soon as they landed, Bill went to a phone. He called Lisl's number. No answer. He ran out to the parking lot and drove his Impala back to the terminal where he picked up Carol, Renny, and Mr. Veilleur.
"I want to check out Lisl's place first," he said.
When he reached Brookside Gardens, he left his three passengers in the car.
"I'll only be a minute."
He ran through the downpour to her front door and knocked. When he got no answer, he tried the latch. The door was unlocked. Bill stepped inside, calling her name. He didn't want to frighten her, but he had this feeling…
He found her sprawled across her bed. She looked dead. He leapt forward and pressed his hand to her throat. Still warm, and there was a pulse. But she was barely breathing. He shook her but couldn't rouse her. He ran to the bathroom for some water to splash on her and found an empty pill bottle in the sink. The label read: "Restoril 30 mg.—one (1) at bedtime as needed for sleep."
His heart broke for her. She took things so hard. She probably hadn't been able to find Ev and had come back here depressed. Probably thought her friend Will had deserted her too.
If I'd stayed here…
But there was no time for this. He had to get help. Bill ran to the phone to call an ambulance. She'd hate being admitted to the hospital where her ex-husband was on staff, but there was no choice.
No dial tone. He jiggled the plunger: dead.
Cursing the breakup of Ma Bell, Bill ran to the front door and signaled to the car for help. As Renny got out and ran through the rain, Bill returned to the bedroom. He skidded to a halt at the doorway. A man was standing by the bed.
Rafe.
"You bastard!" Bill said, starting forward. "What have you done to her?"
Rafe looked at him coldly. No pretense now, no attempt to hide the gleam of icy malevolence in those dark eyes.
He really does hate me!
"As I told you yesterday, Father Ryan—I've done nothing. Lisl has done everything herself. I've merely offered her"—he smiled—"options."
"I know all about your 'options,' " Bill said, "and I'd like to introduce you to a few of mine, but right now I've got to get her to a hospital."
As Bill passed him on his way to the bed, Rafe pushed him back. He was so much smaller than Bill, his physique almost delicate, yet Bill grunted with pain as a crushing impact on his chest sent him staggering back against the wall. He sank to the floor, gasping for breath.
"She'll be all right," Rafe said in a bored tone. "She didn't take enough to kill herself." He shook his head disgustedly. "Couldn't even do that right."
Bill rose to his knees, ready to hurl himself at Rafe, when Renny burst in.
"Hey, what's going on? What happened to her? And who's this guy?"
"That's Rafe Losmara—the one I told you about."
Renny's eyebrows lifted. "Yeah? The guy who supposedly passed as the broad five years ago?"
Bill saw a questioning look pass across Rafe's face. Veilleur's warning echoed through his mind. He wanted to warn Renny about saying too much.. But Renny had his hands on his hips and was walking around Rafe, studying him.
"Yeah, I can see where he might have been able to pull it off," Renny said, then looked at Bill. "This is the guy we're supposed to be afraid of?"
Bill glanced at Rafe to see his reaction. He watched in shock as the mustache above the arrogant smile began to thin, the individual hairs falling out and sprinkling the floor like tiny pine needles from a dying tree. His features softened, rearranged themselves ever so slightly until, seconds later, Bill was looking once more into the face of Sara Lorn. The face smiled and cooed in Sara's voice.
"You're not really afraid of me, are you, Danny?"
Bill could not move. It was all back—all the horror, all the grief, the self-doubt, the guilt. He was helpless before this creature.
Then a voice spoke behind him. Carol's voice.
"Oh, Jimmy! That can't be you!"
Sara's sweet face turned rotten, hideous with anger as it glared at Bill.